The Lies They Told
by LilyRose Blue
Summary: When Jax reads John's letters to Maureen he searches for the truth. He isn't ready for what he finds. This story will focus heavily on Gemma/Clay & Jax/Tara.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my interpretation of what happened to the 'Great' John Teller. So please review and let me know if you want the story to continue. I'll keep going if there is an interest in this story.

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It looked as if a tornado had ripped through Clay and Gemma's living room. Furniture was overturned or very nearly destroyed. Lamps and vases were shattered and strewn across the cherry wood floors in living room. There were fist sized holes adorning the walls in various places. The brand new entertainment center was turned over on its side. All of its contents lay battered and broken amongst the ruins. And in the center of all of this turmoil sat Gemma Teller-Morrow. Her hands and arms were cut from the shards of broken glass that she had drunkenly tried to clean up. Tears streaked down her face as she slowly drank from a bottle of whiskey. Her cheeks were stained with tears and mascara. Her black lace tank top was soaked with blood that wasn't her own it was a combined mix from Clay and Jax. The blood was starting the dry and the tank top stuck against her skin but she couldn't muster the energy to care.

Clay stood at the front door watching the deterioration of his wife. There was something almost lifeless about her eyes at the moment. He spoke to her several times but it was as if she couldn't hear him. Clay was bruised and bloodied. He'd taken a severe beating from Jax. He hadn't just taken a severe beating he had dished out one as well. He didn't know if Gemma would ever forgive him for the beating he put on Jax. But he had to...he had to do something to stop Jax...to stop Jax from tearing into Gemma. Jax's words had been cruel and hateful and Clay had watch his wife's soul die just a little more with each venom laden phrase that Jax uttered. Clay always believed that the truth would come to the light one day but he never expected it to come out today. Today was supposed to be one of celebration. The club's new gun arrangement with the Irish had been profitable while Clay and the rest of the guys were in prison. One of Clay's first orders of business upon release from prison was to purchase a bigger and better home to share with the love of his life. The party tonight was supposed to be a housewarming/welcome home party for all of the guys. But instead it turned into World War III. Jax had found out an awful truth...one that Gemma had long tried to keep a secret. Clay didn't mind paying for his sins but watching Gemma suffer was too much for him to bear. "Gemma..." said Clay walking over to her. He stepped over broken glass and overturned furniture. "You need to get some rest..." said Clay as he stood in front of her. He reached down and brushed her hair away from her face so that he could look into her eyes.

Gemma was in a world of her own, she could hear Clay talking to her but it was like he was off in the distance. Gemma's right hand clutched a bottle of whiskey that she occasionally took a swig from and her left hand clutched a picture of Jax, her reason for living. Gemma's blood had dripped onto the broken glass of the picture frame like crimson raindrops. Gemma could hear Jax's angry words ringing in her head. He had called her words that she would have never imagined he would utter about her. 'Whore' 'Bitch' 'Faithless'. It wasn't the words that hurt; Gemma had been called worse in her life. The pain was because those words were uttered by her son. The boy that she would readily give her life for. In fact Jax was her life. After Thomas died Jax became her only reason for living and now he was gone and in her drunken state Gemma could find precious few reasons to go on. Some might call that melodramatic but Gemma felt as if her heart had been ripped from her chest. "Jax..." muttered Gemma softly. She took another swig from the bottle of whiskey. The warm liquid burned as she poured it down her throat.

Clay gently took the bottle from Gemma's hand. "You need to get some rest." repeated Clay. "Things will look better in the daylight." He didn't know how true that was. In fact this was guaranteed to only get worse the next day. He had never seen his wife so broken all he wanted to do was make it better. All he wanted to do was fix her.

Gemma snapped out of her trance briefly and snatched the bottle of whiskey out of Clay's hand. "Don't!" growled Gemma in a guttural voice. Her eyes went wild with rage. "Leave me alone..." Her voice seemed deeper and strained, but then again she had spent the last few hours sobbing and screaming at the top of her lungs. "I want to be alone." reiterated Gemma. She turned the bottle up taking several large gulps. She didn't want to remember tonight. She wanted to black out and forget this painful night. Her eyes went back to the picture of Jax and she wondered where it all went wrong.

Clay stood there watching her for awhile as she seemed to completely ignore his presence again. He felt his anger bubbling deep within him but at this point he didn't know who to be angry with. Himself? John? Jax? Or perhaps that Irish bitch Maureen that sent the letters that she knew would surely poison Jax against not only him but his mother. Clay walked out of the house limping somewhat. He couldn't stand seeing Gemma looking like a zombie. Clay got onto his bike and took off for a long ride. Clay contemplated going to Jax and Tara's house but he thought better of it. He didn't want his grandchildren around a possible brawl. But he wanted to tell Jax the truth...the whole truth. He didn't want it to absolve himself he wanted it to absolve Gemma. Clay would take the blame...he'd be the bad guy.

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Jax sat outside in the dark drinking from a bottle of whiskey. His face was bloodied and the bruises would definitely form by morning. He liked being outside in the silence of the night. There… he was truly alone with his thoughts. Jax flexed his fingers and winced feeling pain shoot through his battered knuckles. His entire world had been turned upside down. Every truth he once believed to be true was false and now he wondered what other lies and conspiracies had his beloved mother been keeping from him all these years. Tonight was supposed to be good times for all instead he felt like his life had been torn apart. Jax, Clay, Bobby, and Juice had spent 14 months in prison. Tig and Happy ended up spending an additional 6 months in prison because of a fight they had gotten into with some Aryans. Clay and Gemma were hosting a welcome home party at their new house tonight because Tig and Happy had finally been released. But today Jax had started reading the letters his father wrote to his mistress, Maureen Ashby. It was in reading those letters that Jax stumbled upon a truth he wasn't prepared to know. In John's letters he accused Clay and Gemma of having an affair and foreshadowed his own impending death. John had believed that if he died it would be at the hands of his best friend and his wife. Jax had been devastated when John Teller died. It was one too many losses for him. Losing his younger brother Thomas had been too much for the young boy. Thomas' death had been a slow process that made it even more painful. It was a sad story that you knew the ending to. There would be no miraculous save at the end of the movie...he had waited a year or more for his little brother to die. Jax was still reeling from that loss when John died his brutal and untimely death. Before tonight Jax would have never believed that Clay and Gemma could be responsible for the death of his father.

What infuriated him more was that he had just spent 14 months in prison with Clay. And there they truly bonded as father and son. Jax felt like a fool. They had only been home for a couple of months but things were just finally starting to get settled. Their income was more than they could have hoped for because of the new top grade stock they were getting from the Irish. Life was good… then he started reading the letters that John wrote Maureen leading up to his death. And right there in black in white...in his father's own handwriting he had pointed the blame at Gemma and Clay. Jax had struggled for days to reconcile this idea in his mind and finally tonight before the party at Clay and Gemma's house he had confronted them and that was when all hell broke loose. Jax wanted the truth but at the same time he was scared of that truth.

Tara walked out of the house quietly. She had finally gotten baby Jonathan asleep. Abel had been asleep for a couple of hours now. Tara had a seat next to Jax. She didn't know what to say so for the moment she opted to sit with him in silence. She had watched in horror that night as Jax and Clay fought in what seemed like a battle to the death. She watched as Jax verbally tore Gemma to pieces and she saw a woman she looked up to be reduced to a shell. She blamed herself for all of this. She had read those letters and could have burned them while Jax was in prison, but instead she had done the honorable thing and gave them to Jax.

"They didn't admit it...but I know...I know that they killed my father. Clay wouldn't have reacted the way he did if what I was saying wasn't true." said Jax rationalizing everything in his head. He loved his mother and he loved Clay, but he loved John Teller too and someone had to pay for his death.

Tara thought about her words. She didn't want to anger him and she wanted him to know that she was on his side. "Mistakes are made when we rush to action in the heat of emotion. Whatever you decide to do...once you do it you can't take it back, Jax. Be sure that the facts are correct before you take fate into your own hands. What's done cannot be undone...I love you and not matter what you decide...I will be at your side..."

Jax took her hand and squeezed it gently. He knew that she was right. Clay had rushed to judgment and that had cost Donna Winston her life. Jax didn't want to make the same mistake. "What I hate the most is because I heard the rumors when I was younger and I never believed them. And I look at my mother...and as much as I love her I know that she is cold-hearted enough to have done this...I don't know what to believe. I loved my father but the more I learn about him...it is like watching the Great Oz be exposed as fraud. I think that I am going to go for a ride." Jax leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you." Jax walked out to his bike and took off. Jax pulled up at the cemetery where his father was buried and made his way over to his headstone. He stopped seeing Clay at John's grave. He felt his anger surge through him and stalked over to Clay. "Leave!" said Jax in a hushed yell.

Clay turned around and looked at Jax. He saw the hatred coming off of him in waves but underneath that he saw something else. He saw a sadness in Jax's eyes that could not be denied. "You want the truth?" asked Clay looking at Jax with his steely blue eyes. The ride that Clay had gone on had given him a little clarity.

"You are incapable of telling the truth about anything. Everything you've ever told me has just been one lie building upon another. I accepted you. I loved you like a father!" said Jax in a low voice. "What am I supposed to think when I read in my father's own handwriting that...if he was to die...he was sure that his death would be caused by his best friend and his wife?"

"I love you son and I always have...do you want to know the truth or not...this is the only time that I will ever tell you and I will never speak of it again. And no matter how you feel about your mother you will never speak to her like you did tonight...or I'll kill you." said Clay in a cold voice that belied his sorrow.

Jax tried to ignore the sadness that he saw in Clay's eyes. He didn't want to feel anything for the man that had taken his father from him. Jax was 14 years old when John died and it had turned his world upside down. Jax scoffed. "I am not your son! Sure...tell me more lies..."

Clay shrugged. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet and said "Walk with me..." Clay walked over to a mausoleum and had a seat on the steps. He stuck his hands in his pocket taking out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. A small smile flicked across his lips looking at the lighter. It had been a gift from Gemma years ago. Clay lit his cigarette and said "John was a good man at one point in his life. A good man that I was proud to call a brother and a friend. But somehow he lost his way and it wasn't just the club. Thomas being sick tore him up and he uh...he ran away from his responsibilities not only to the club but to you, your mother, and your baby brother. In Thomas' last days your father was in Ireland fucking Maureen. He let your mother shoulder that burden on her own." Clay and Jax had been there with her when Thomas finally died. It had been Clay that consoled Gemma and Jax.

"I know my old man was a cheat. A lousy husband and a piss poor father for leaving my brother to die like that. For abandoning me and mom when we needed him the most. But what gave you the right to end him?" said Jax pacing. Jax was struggling with himself. He had always put John up on a pedestal like he could do no wrong. His entire image of the man had been shattered when Jax learned the truth while in Ireland. And it reminded him about how distraught he was when Abel was born it took his mother slapping him to snap him out of his cowardly depression. He wondered if he got that weakness from his father. If he had inherited that disease.

Clay took a drag from his cigarette. "He was going to take you away from Gemma. She called me one night, I went over to the house...place was fucking destroyed. Her and your old man had gone through a good one that night." Clay could remember the scene like it was yesterday. He had never heard Gemma sound so afraid until that night she called him for help.

Jax shook his head. "Now, I know you are lying. If they fought like that I would have remembered that. I would have noticed that. See I knew I couldn't trust a fucking thing you had to say!"

"This was a week before John died. I think you were staying over at Piney's house with Ope for the weekend. When you came home Sunday I was there patching a hole in the wall...there was new bedroom door...any of this jogging your memory?" asked Clay.

Jax paused thinking about it. He could sort of remember that. "Okay so what they had a fight...they fought sometimes...he mentioned the fights in some of the letters to Maureen. He said that mom hated him. Hated the man he was becoming…but really it was just that they were growing in different directions…it happens."

"The fight between them started because Gemma found plane tickets to Ireland...two plane tickets. Did you read that in those letters?" asked Clay with a sneer as he took a long drag from his cigarette.

Jax stopped pacing and stared at him. "What are you saying? You whacked him because he wanted to move his family to Ireland? Taking your girlfriend away from you?" Jax was disgusted that Clay and Gemma had been carrying on an affair while John was still alive. There had always been rumors because of how soon the two of them started dating after John died but he had never allowed himself to believe it. Perhaps his father wasn't the only person he had put on a pedestal.

"There were only two tickets, Jax. I am saying that John intended to take you away from Gemma. Take you to Ireland with his other family...Gemma was beside herself. The thought of losing you...I watched her break down in front of me for the first time since Thomas died. So I went to the club to talk to John...to talk some sense into him. I went into his room and he was in the shower so I had a seat and waited on him. But while I was waiting...I saw a tape recorder...attached to a wire mic. And I knew...I fucking knew it. But I picked it up anyway and pushed play. John had worn a wire during church that night, he didn't just turn against his family...he turned against his club. So I stole it and walked right back out of his room. He was rat I knew what had to be done." said Clay.

"You are lying!" yelled Jax rushing Clay and knocking him over. Jax punched him even though his knuckles were already hurting. He pummeled Clay.

Clay threw Jax off of him and stood up. "You wanted to hear the truth well then you listen to the truth! All of it! I took him out because he was cooperating with the feds and because he was taking you away from Gemma. He thought that getting you away from Charming was the only way to spare you the pains of his life. I couldn't let that happen. It would have killed your mother. Think what you want of your mother…but there is nothing that she has done in this life that wasn't for your benefit."

Jax was stunned thinking it over in his head. That sounded plausible. In his book and even in his letters to Maureen John lamented his life and worried that Jax would follow him down the same path. "You and my mother conspired to kill him...?" asked Jax shaking his head. He was still seething with anger but he wasn't sure with whom.

Clay shook his head. "No, I couldn't tell her what I did...because as much as she hated John...she loved that bastard too and she would have never forgiven me for ending him. Even now...I live in that man's shadow. I wake up every day knowing that Gemma loves John in a way that she could never love me. I catch her walking by his bike and just standing there. Even after all of this time she still misses him."

Jax shook his head. "You...you are making this up. If he was a rat why doesn't Piney know? Why doesn't anyone else in the club know? You made your own decision just like with Ope...what if you made a mistake with my father too!" said Jax from his position on the ground. All of this was too much information for Jax's drunken mind to process. He could imagine his father being a lot of things but not a rat.

Clay sighed and said "Which part? Why would I lie? If I were going to lie I could have just told you that I didn't kill John. You have no proof to the contrary. All you have are the pathetic ramblings of a man to his mistress. A man that was too much of a coward to be there for his son as he lay in a hospital bed dying. A man that was willing to rip his remaining son from the arms of his loving mother so that he could start a life with some whore. A man that would rat out his own brothers to save his worthless ass. A man..." Clay stopped talking. "I am telling you the truth. I killed John. Your mother had no part of it. And if you tell her that I did...I will call you a fucking liar to your face. Gemma would never forgive me...and I am not about to lose my wife...not even for you son...not even for you. You want proof your old man was a rat. Meet me at the house tomorrow after your mom leaves for work. I'll give you proof. I kept it a secret for the same reason we keep the Opie situation a secret. What would it do for the club...if they knew that the founder...turned rat? What would the other charters think?" Clay walked away from Jax and headed back to his motorcycle.

Clay walked into his house greeted by the carnage he had left behind hours earlier. His eyes went to the center of it all and saw that his wife was now passed out amongst the debris. A half empty bottle of whiskey was lying on its side on the floor next to her. Her head rested on a couch cushion that had been displaced in the fight. He sighed to himself and locked the door. He walked over and gently lifted Gemma up into his arms. She was still clutching the picture of Jax. Clay made sure that she kept it in her arms and carried her to their bedroom upstairs.

Gemma stirred as Clay carried her to their bedroom. "Your hands...you shouldn't be carrying me. I was fine sleeping on the floor." slurred Gemma in a hoarse voice.

"My hands are fine. I am not letting my wife sleep on the floor...no matter how distraught she might be. Besides you know that I don't like to sleep alone." said Clay. He laid her on the bed and then sat next to her. "Do you need me to get you anything?" asked Clay. He was just glad that she was actually speaking to him at the moment.

"Where did you go earlier?" asked Gemma. Her head was spinning at the moment from all of the liquor she had consumed. She felt light headed and hot. She reached up and pulled her lace tank top over her head. The blood had completely dried into the fabric. She closed her eyes and groaned softly.

"I went for a ride to clear my head. I needed to do some thinking. Then I went out to visit John's grave...Jax showed up while I was there." said Clay. He paused in thought not sure what to tell Gemma.

"What did you do?" asked Gemma. She quirked an eyebrow at him. She sat up in the bed more so that she could look him in the eyes. Gemma might have been wasted but even through her drunken haze she could see the expression of guilt on Clay's face.

Clay hated the way that she knew him so well. "I told him...part of the truth...the truth that I thought that he could handle...and the truth that would exonerate you. He can hate me all he likes...I'll carry that burden. But...you don't deserve it..."

Gemma's eyes widened. "What did you do?" reiterated Gemma but this time in a louder voice. She felt her heart start to beat faster. "What exactly did you tell my son..." asked Gemma.

Clay said "He's my son too damnit...but don't worry that particular secret is still just that...a secret."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I would like to thank everyone for the reviews on this story. Please keep them coming and let me know what you think of the latest chapter.

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Jax left the cemetery taking the long way home after talking to Clay. He decided to drive along route 44 because he knew that it would be deserted this time of night. He drove recklessly speeding up as he drove into sharps turns. Jax pushed his Harley to the limit needing to feel a thrill because at the moment he felt numb. And the possibility of careening off into the darkness seemed to get his heart pumping into overdrive. There weren't many lights along the deserted road and with tonight being a new moon there was no moonlight to speak of either. There was just Jax, his Harley, and the darkness. Jax took a turn too fast and spun out wildly he was barely able to keep his bike upright as he slid across the road. Jax came to a complete stop and caught his breath realizing just how close he had come to laying his bike down in the middle of the road. Jax looked up and saw headlights approaching in the distance. Jax collected himself quickly and started back towards home. Jax made it home as the sun was starting to peek above the tops of the trees. He walked in the house silently so that he didn't disturb Tara or the boys who were sure to be fast asleep.

Jax went to the kitchen getting a beer and then walked into the bedroom. He smiled slightly seeing Tara curled up on his side of the bed clutching his pillow as she slept. He set his beer down and kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his clothes tiredly. He had been up for nearly 24 hours and he was exhausted but somehow he didn't think that he would be able to sleep. Jax walked over to the bed with his beer and climbed in trying his best not to wake up Tara. He leaned back against the headboard and took a swig from his beer and closed his eyes letting the cool beverage do its best to soothe him.

Tara rolled over and bumped into Jax's body. Her eyes shot open and she gave a quiet sigh of relief glad that Jax was back home where he belonged. She didn't know what to think or what to expect when he had left earlier that night. He had so much pain and rage boiling inside of him. She didn't know what might happen. She had half-expected to be contacted by the police or the hospital to retrieve her fiancé. Tara rested her head on his chest and asked "A little early for beer isn't?"

Jax lightly caressed her hair. "I am sorry darlin. I didn't mean to wake you up...go back to sleep and get some rest. I guess it is a little early for beer but...with the way I feel..." Jax didn't think that he would be able to sleep. There were too many possibilities running through his mind. He wouldn't have come to bed other than the fact he wanted to be close to Tara...he needed to be close to her. Tara was the only thing keeping him on solid ground right now. That night at Gemma and Clay's house it had been Tara's pleading that stopped him from taking Clay's life right then and there.

Tara looked up at his face briefly. "I've had a couple of hours of sleep while you were gone. I am fine, Jax. You forget that I went to medical school. I am used to long nights with very little rest. Besides, Neeta will be here in a couple of hours to take care of the boys. I am a lady of leisure. So talk to me...you look...worse than you did when you left." Tara put one arm on Jax's chest and rested her chin on her arm.

Jax paused a moment looking into her eyes. He knew that he needed to talk to someone and Tara was one of the few people that he could trust with this secret. He needed to be able to talk this out instead of letting the information rattle around in his head. But he also knew that no one else could know this until he had verified Clay's story for himself. "If I tell you...you can't tell anyone else..." said Jax in a serious voice.

"You know that I wouldn't tell anyone anything you share with me. Who the hell am I going to tell anyway?" asked Tara seriously. Although she wondered just how serious the information was for Jax to even have to tell her not to tell anyone.

"I am serious, Tara. No one can know about this...not even my mother." warned Jax. He knew that Tara and Gemma had become close in the last couple of years and that bond had only deepened while Jax and Clay were in prison. The two women had come to depend on one another for support. Jax reached and lightly brushed her dark locks away from her face and rested his hand on her cheek.

Tara nodded slowly. "My lips are sealed, Jax. I won't say word one to anyone about this. You can trust me baby...you can trust me." Tara reached up and rested her hand on top of his. "What's going on?"

"When I left here I went to the cemetery...to my father's grave. I go there sometimes when...I need to think or when shit is upside down...you can't get more upside down than what happened last night. When I got there...Clay was already there...he told me that he did kill my father. But that he did it for good reason, according to him. He claims that John was a rat for the feds...and he was planning to take me to Ireland with him...and he was going to leave my mother behind here." said Jax taking another swig from his beer.

Tara sat up in the bed when he stopped talking. The look of shock and confusion on her face was evident. She had hoped that last night was all just a misunderstanding and that John Teller's death was an accident like they always believed. Tara looked into Jax's eyes. "And your mother?" asked Tara. The hate Jax had carried for Clay over Donna Winston's death had nearly destroyed him and the club. She couldn't imagine how this would play out.

Jax sighed at her question. He had been wondering the same thing himself. "Clay assured me that my mother doesn't know about the part he played in my father's death. He claims that she loved him too much to have been involved...but I can't shake the feeling that it is a lie. My mother loves me and if John was really trying to take me away from her...she would have slit his throat over breakfast and sat back down to finish her meal while he bled out across from her. I have no doubt that my mother was capable of killing him...that is the part that I can't reconcile. I can accept that Clay killed my father because he was a rat. What bothers me is that I can't trust my mother. If she worked to keep this from me...what else is she hiding...and the more I think about it the more I kick myself. There have been signs all along that they were hiding things from me and I was too blind to see it or maybe I didn't want to see it. When she found out that I was reading the manuscript he wrote I saw the look of panic on her face. She didn't want me reading it so I hid it from her. She stole his manuscript from me...because she didn't want me reading it...why? For my protection...or because she wasn't altogether sure what was in it...did he point fingers...did he implicate her and Clay."

Tara listened to Jax talk and knew that he was right. Gemma was vicious when it came to protecting Jax from any perceived dangers. She had endured Gemma's wrath when she was a teenager and tried to convince Jax to abandon the club and their backwards small-minded hometown. But Tara wasn't the only woman in Jax's life to have endured the wrath of Gemma Teller-Morrow. Gemma had even given Jax's ex-wife, Wendy, enough meth to kill herself to get her away from Jax and away from Abel. No...Tara knew in her heart that Gemma was capable of this. Tara said "Just because she is capable...doesn't mean she did it, Jax. I am confused what could she possibly be trying to protect you from by stealing the manuscript?"

"Protect me from my father's weakness...I inherited the heart defect from her... but I think I inherited my father's weakness. I inherited his weak constitution. When my brother got sick, John got so turned around inside himself that he was willing to abandon his family and turn on his club and I think that scares me." said Jax. He stared off into space for a moment. "It scares me that I have that weakness inside of me...twice...I've given up on my son...twice...and if it had not been for my mother...there to slap sense into me...literally...I don't know..." said Jax. When Abel was born and Tara told him that the doctors only gave Abel a 20% chance of survival Jax couldn't bring himself to visit Abel in the hospital. He was convinced that his son was going to die and he couldn't bear watching that. It had been Gemma that brought him out of it. She reminded him of what his duties as a father were and that he was strong enough to withstand anything. Jax gave up on Abel a second time while in Ireland. It had been his mother that took charge at the orphanage to secure the information to locate Abel. He had seriously considered leaving his young son with the Roman Catholic couple that adopted him. Once again it had been his mother trying to snap him out of his depression, guilt, and apathy.

Tara felt helpless watching as Jax struggled internally with himself. And in a brief flash she could understand why Gemma wanted to keep Jax as far away from John's demons as possible. Jax's memory of John Teller and the reality of the true man were quite different. And the true John Teller was like an albatross around Jax's neck. For years he had strived to be like the man he remembered and now he was running scared hoping that he did not embody the spirit of the man he really was. A weak man prone to fits of depression, apathy, carelessness, selfishness but also focused on doing what was right. "Jax...you may be your father's son but you are nothing like him. Everyone gets scared...everyone experiences moments in life that test their willpower. And sometimes we fall short...but as long as we don't give up...as long as we keep going...baby you are one of the strongest men I know. You are dedicated to your club and your family...if I doubted that I wouldn't be in this bed right now with you. I believe in you Jax Teller..."

Jax was quiet for awhile. "Clay told me to come by the house this morning once mom leaves for work. Says he has proof that my father was a rat. Part of me wants to go and part of me would feel better not knowing the truth...I sound like a fucking pussy. I can't believe that Clay did this on his own…with absolutely no counsel. Even with Donna there was Tig." He shook his head and looked toward the window seeing that the sun was fully up.

"It is normal to feel what you are feeling Jax...don't beat yourself up for it..." said Tara. Tara pulled his hand a little and said "Come on lay down with me…if Clay went to anyone who would have it been?"

Jax laid down with Tara and pulled her into his arms. He sighed and gave it some serious thought. "Piney…maybe Lennie the Pimp…Piney and my dad founded the club…Lennie was the third member. Maybe I should talk to Piney before I go over to see Clay today…"

"I thought you couldn't tell anyone about what Clay told you…" said Tara worried about what firestorms he might set off by purposely disobeying a direct order from Clay.

"I won't ask Piney anything directly…I'll fish around…if there is any truth to it…I'll know." said Jax. "We need to get a little sleep." Jax kissed her and said "I love you babe..."

Tara glanced at the clock and frowned. "Sleep would be good...I love you too." Tara laid back against the pillows worriedly. She didn't like how any of this was playing out.

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Clay woke up around 11:00 that morning and looked at the spot next to him for his wife but she was not there. He groaned softly and pulled himself out of the bed. His body ached in places he had forgotten he had. He was getting too old to go ten rounds with Jax. Clay was older and had more experience in fighting and he was bigger than Jax so he had a tactical advantage. But the truth was Jax was younger and had more stamina to beat Clay to a pulp. Clay walked into the bathroom stripping off his clothes. He stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water hoping the water would soothe his aching joints. Clay stood under the rain shower head wondering how the hell they had gotten to this point. He had finally gotten close to Jax. They were a family now all of it went to hell. Clay finished his shower and got dressed.

He headed downstairs to find Gemma. He walked past the living room and sighed. The light of day made the carnage look even worse. "Gemma? Gemma where are you?" called Clay not knowing where she was. This house wasn't exactly lacking in space. The downstairs alone had 8 rooms: kitchen, great room off of the kitchen, formal dining room, living room, family room, Clay's office, and two bathrooms. He didn't have the energy to search all of them for his wife. He groaned when Gemma didn't answer him. He was hoping that she hadn't left for the day without talking to him. He walked to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and frowned seeing her sitting on the floor of the great room looking through boxes of old pictures. "Woman...didn't you hear me calling you?" asked Clay a little angry.

Gemma didn't look in his direction. "I have a hangover and my head hurts...I didn't feel like answering you. I figured you'd figure out where I was when you came into the kitchen." Gemma fell silent as she ran across an old picture of John holding Jax for the first time. She sighed softly and ran her finger over the picture tracing Jax's little face. Gemma had been up for the last hour or so sorting through pictures from Jax and Thomas' childhood. The more she looked at the pictures the more pain she felt. The little boy that she had raised and devoted her life to protecting hated her. And she didn't know if he'd ever forgive her.

Clay sighed and started the coffee going for the morning. He could definitely use a cup. He made his way into the great room and had a seat on the couch tiredly. He groaned hearing his bones creak. "I know that you are hurting baby. But don't treat me like I am the enemy here. I didn't do this...your beloved John set this shit storm in motion pouring his heart out to a slut. But I am going to clean up his mess and I will make sure that you are clear of it."

"You had no right to tell Jax any of what you told him. I know that you are trying to help me but you will just make things worse. Once you uncover one secret...the others start to unravel. I have worked for years to keep all of this wrapped as tight as possible...I don't mean to be unappreciative...I know that you love me and that you are taking the hit for me...but some shit is better left buried. And John's death was one of them...Jax will ask questions he won't just accept the story the way you give it to him." said Gemma.

"Maybe that is the problem, Gemma. Maybe we've been keeping secrets for too long. And it seems like the deeper we bury them...the closer they rise to the surface. Sure, I could have lied to Jax and said that I had nothing to do with John's death...but what happens when the next secret surfaces? How long can we keep this shit buried? We've got to try to contain it. I am going to fix this for you...Jax will know that John was a rat and that he had to be taken out and it goes no further than that. I saw it in his eyes last night he wants to believe me so he will. He knows that I had no choice. If John turned States' evidence against the club…a lot of people would have went down and not just from SAMCRO but from our other charters too. John was willing to hang all of us out to dry so that he could make a clean escape. Jax will understand it…I know that he will. He'll listen to the tape and he'll see his old man for what he really was…a rat." said Clay

"You have always underestimated Jax and I have always told you that it was a mistake. Jax is smart...he sits back and he listens...he plots his next move. He has an independent streak that makes him unpredictable. All very good qualities if you ask me, but bad when it comes to selling him a lie. I told you a long time ago that you needed to nail down Jax or he'd slip away. I stole that manuscript because I didn't want John's apathy and malingering crawling into Jax's head and making a nest. And finally in Ireland...I finally thought that we had excised those demons. Jax finally saw John for what he was..." said Gemma shaking her head.

"Why did you allow him to idolize the man? You could have burst the bubble years ago and clued him into who the Great John Teller really was...but instead you let him believe this fantasy...these lies. He put the man on a fucking pedestal and that is why we are where we are." said Clay angrily. Clay blamed Gemma for a lot of things and this was opening up old wounds for him.

"I love my son with all of my heart and I would do anything to protect him including letting him believe his fairytale version of John. He needed that...that was all he had left of his father and I wasn't going to take that away from him. If I could have shielded him from the truth forever I would have...and John wasn't all bad...I loved him..." said Gemma as she glanced at the picture of John holding Jax.

"You still do." retorted Clay looking at her. He hated seeing that look in her eyes. He hated seeing the love she had for John Teller it made him sick. The man had been dead since 93' and he still cast a shadow over everything Clay held dear: his wife and his son. Even Jax's second born, Jonathan, paid homage to John. "Maybe you believe a little of that fairytale too..." said Clay. "Sometimes I wonder if you wish he was still here."

Gemma scoffed and said "I am under no illusions about who John really was. I loved the man he used to be...but I hated the shell of a man he became." Gemma stood up and had a seat next to Clay on the couch. She took one of his hands into hers and said "Clarence Morrow...I love you. I have shared my bed and my life with you. I don't love you the way I love John. John was my first love...he taught me about life and love...but I fell in love with you as a fully formed grown woman. You understand me and love me for who I am. John couldn't do that. He wanted me to be the girl he met...well I grew up. I guess that happens when there is a 17 year difference in age between husband and wife...but despite the love I have for him there isn't a day that I wake up that I am not glad that you are the man laying beside me. You are the man that I want."

The corners of Clay's mouth upturned in a small reflexive smile. But in a gruff voice he said "I don't need you to stroke my ego Gemma."

"Well, obviously you need me to stroke something since you are sitting here pouting." said Gemma quirking an eyebrow at him. "What is this really about...there is something else at play here..." said Gemma her eyes narrowing somewhat as she searched Clay's eyes. She always knew when something was up with him and this was something more than just killing John.

"Last night when I was out at the cemetery with Jax I wanted to tell him that I am his father. I had this overwhelming urge to...but I didn't because I knew what it would do to you. He's my son Gemma and he doesn't know it and he has this hate for me in his heart I know it...I see it. And it kills me. I know that it isn't fair of me to want to change the rules mid-game...but..."

"Jax can't handle the truth...you saw how those letters twisted him up. If you tell him the truth I will lose my son..." said Gemma. She paused and corrected herself. "We will lose our son...now you tell me what you want more...to be his step-father and be part of his life...or be his father and lose him completely? If he finds out that we lied to him his entire life...he will turn away from us...he will turn on us and we will lose him."

Clay looked at the panic in his wife's eyes and knew that there was some truth to what she was saying. Jax had been willing to go Nomad to get away from Clay when their relationship became strained in the months following Donna's death. It had only been the news of Gemma's rape that put an end to their feud. "I'm getting older Gemma...I don't want to leave this Earth without Jax knowing that I am his father...I know what you, John, and I agreed to. When I agreed I didn't think about everything I would be missing out on. I thought hey...I'll get to watch him grow up. I'll be his uncle...I'll be right there for all of the important moments...and I was...but it isn't the same. It can never be the same. I'm going to tell him the truth..."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! Keep them coming!

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Piney stood at the front door not shocked to see Jax standing there. He quirked an eyebrow at Jax's bruised and battered face. His eyes trailed down to Jax's similarly bruised and battered knuckles. He chuckled a little. "At least you kicked the other guy's ass too. Come on in. You want something to drink?" asked Piney turning to walk away from the door. He walked over to his worn recliner and flopped down making the chair creak under the pressure. Piney picked up a bottle of whiskey from the coffee table and poured himself a glass. He tipped the bottle in Jax's direction. Piney had his suspicions about why Jax was there and he knew that it couldn't be good.

Jax chuckled a little. "Oh yea...I kicked his ass." Jax closed Piney's front door and followed him into the living room. Jax had a seat on the couch across from Piney's chair. He shook his head. "Nah, I already have a hangover from drinking last night." said Jax taking off his sunglasses and setting them on the table. "I actually came by to talk to you about my dad...you know I met his mistress Maureen while I was over in Ireland...did you know her?" Jax took up a relaxed posture on the couch and lit up a cigarette. He was still trying to figure out how to approach Piney with the subject.

"A little hair of the dog that bit you might not be bad." said Piney pouring a glass for a glass for Jax sliding a glass in Jax's direction. Piney turned off his oxygen and picked up a joint and lit it up. Piney took in a deep drag and nodded at Jax. "Yeah, I met Maureen a couple of times. Your old man was infatuated with her from the first time he met her. Said that she reminded him of your ma when he first met her. I always figured it was because they were both so young when he met them. He was in love with that one...that is for sure...we all had women on the side mind you. But she was more than that for John...she was his second chance...chance at a life better than the one he was living." Piney thought back to the many long conversations he had with John. John had been truly miserable during that time in his life and it seemed that Maureen was the only thing in life that gave him even a little joy.

Jax nodded and said "I was sort of getting that feeling...she must have slipped some letters into my bag before I left Ireland. Tara found them while I was locked up...I've been reading them lately...getting to know my dad in a way I never knew him. I mean the manuscript was a good start but these letters tell me more about him than I could have ever imagined. There was a lot about him that I didn't know." That had been a hard pill for Jax to swallow. The Great John Teller was more like the Great Oz...pretending to be larger than life when he was really the smallest of them all.

"Well, he died when you were young that is to be expected. Besides John did his best to shield you from what he considered to be the ugliness in him and this life. But I know one thing he loved the hell out of you." said Piney. He took a couple of gulps from his glass of Whiskey.

Jax nodded and said "Yeah, seems like his death was just yesterday...I still remember when my mom got the call. She was stoic in front of me but when she went out to the car...I watched her cry for a long time before she pulled off...when they finally let me see my old man in the hospital he was...I don't know he just looked broken...I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I don't even remember anyone talking about how he rode out in front of the semi...my mother once told me that she thought me might have done it on purpose because he was so depressed. In his last days what was he like?"

"Your old man was a lot of things but suicidal wasn't one of them. He was depressed though and lost. I had never seen him like that before in all of the time that I had known him. He grieved hard for Thomas and he grieved for a long time. He grieved even before the boy died. Everyone tried to be hopeful but we all knew how it was going to end...the same way it ended for your uncle. It was a hard couple of years while Thomas was sick. Medical bills were piling up all over the place. Our relationship with the Mayans was tense and we were threatening war every couple of weeks, which made it hard to earn. Everyone was hard up...so we got deeper into bed with the Irish and expanded our gun running business. Wasn't the move your father wanted to make but he had to... he was drowning and so was the club. John was distant in the weeks leading up to his death. I tried to talk to him brother to brother but uh...I didn't get anywhere. I told him that he could tell me anything..." said Piney.

Jax shook his head. "I feel like I don't know shit about my old man. I wasn't that young when he died but man am I clueless about him...about everything. I hope you don't mind me coming here to ask you about him. I trust you though...I trust you and I trust Uncle Jury to give me the honest to God truth about my father. Clay...my mother they both have agendas. I always feel like they are telling me just enough of the truth to appease me. And I guess it is my fault for being appeased. My father was a flawed man but I loved him and he loved me. These letters are showing me a side of him...that I never knew...but it is also showing me a side of my mother and Clay that I didn't know either. I look around and wonder how I could have ever been so oblivious. Now that I think back...I do realize that a lot of the time that Tommy was sick...dad wasn't there. It was me and ma at the hospital with Tommy. You and Clay would come by and take care of us while he was away...it is like I have selective amnesia...forgetting how shitty he was too."

"Your old man loved you more than anything in the world. When you were born I don't think I had ever seen him happier up to that point. He wanted you to have a good life...he wanted to give you the world. John enjoyed being a father. You boys were his life. I know that might be hard to believe reading those letters and finding out that he spent so much of his time over in Ireland while Thomas was sick. But you got to understand it is hard on a parent...a parent should never have to outlive their child...ever. Your old man killed dozens of people in the military and in his time as President of this club...but losing his son...that was more than his heart could stand. No one is perfect...no one." said Piney taking another drag. Piney watched Jax trying to appear relaxed but he could tell that he was tensing by the minute. Piney knew where this was going. He had known from the moment Jax showed up at his door. He just wondered if he'd have the balls to ask the question at hand.

"Did you know that mom and Clay were seeing one another while my dad was still alive?" asked Jax wondering if it was something that was known in the club or had they been able to keep it a secret. Jax had been thinking about it a lot and the more he thought about it the more he could remember little things that pointed to their relationship.

"I knew...John told me when he first started to suspect it. I told him how to make it stop but by then your old man was too far gone...he wanted out. He wanted out of his marriage, out of the club, out of this life. His death...was hard on everyone...but it was an end that you couldn't help but see coming." said Piney.

"So then you think that it was just an accident or...?" asked Jax taking a drag from his cigarette looking at Piney intently. Jax was getting a vibe that he just couldn't put his finger on at the moment. But he was sure that he didn't like it.

Piney shifted in his recliner and leaned forward so that he was looking directly at Jax. "If you've got something you want to ask then you ask...it doesn't leave this room. But let me tell you something...don't ask for the truth if you don't want it." said Piney simply. He relaxed back into his recliner and took a drag from his joint. He offered it to Jax."It is good shit..."

Jax was taken aback by Piney's answer. "Clay got to you?" asked Jax wondering what he had just stepped into. He had always felt like he could trust Piney when it came to talking about Clay, but at the moment he wasn't so sure. Jax shifted uncomfortably on the couch

"He called to tell me that things were going to come to light. He wanted to give me a heads up in case you came looking for answers...glad he did or I might have had to pull a gun on you..." said Piney. He picked his glock up from beside his recliner. "Do I still need all 13 bullets in this magazine?" asked Piney pulling the slide back making sure there was a bullet in the chamber ready to fire. He set the gun down on his lap.

Jax looked at him confused. "What...Why would you need a gun for me? I am not here for you. I wanted to know if Clay...took out my father..." Slowly it started to dawn on him. "You? You killed my father?"

"John betrayed the club and for that there is no forgiveness. There are no second chances...only death. And death came at the hands of his brothers. These hands..." said Piney looking down at his aged and hands. His hands normally shook but at this moment they were as steady as they had ever been. Piney reached for his gun and said "So I ask you again...do I need these bullets?"

Jax sat there stunned. He felt like his head was spinning. He shook his head. "No...you don't need the gun Piney." said Jax putting his head in his hands. "How did I never know this...?" asked Jax exasperated.

Piney put the gun back beside his chair. "We had 19 charters around that time...we've added nine since then...it would have sent shockwaves through the Sons if word got out that a founding member of the club was an informant for the ATF. That he recorded conversations inside of the chapel...that he was willing to sell out not only the Redwood Originals but the members of other charters as well. It would have fractured the club and we would have disintegrated into nothing...it has happened to other clubs. 26 years of brotherhood and work would have...been for nothing. So we kept it quiet. The only people who knew were the people that needed to know." said Piney.

"Conversations...more than one?" asked Jax shocked. "Did you guys confront him or...how did you pull it off?"asked Jax trying to wrap his mind around what Piney was saying to him.

"You want the story you need to get it from Clay...but you can come back to verify it with me...you know if it is bullshit I will tell you. I am too old to give a fuck about pissing off Clay. I'm dead in a couple of years anyway. What do I give a fuck if I go a little sooner?" said Piney with deep chuckle.

Jax stood up and said "Uh...thanks Piney...for talking to me. And yeah...I'll be back to verify." Jax walked out of the house not looking back. Jax climbed onto his Harley and put on his helmet. He took the long way to Gemma ad Clay's house needing some time to clear his head. Jax pulled into the circular driveway at Clay and Gemma's new house. He took off his helmet and frowned seeing that Gemma's car was still there. "Shit..." mumbled Jax. He climbed off his bike and walked up to the large arched door and knocked. He knew at this point there was no turning back...his father had been a rat and he'd lost his life for it. Jax heard the door open and looked up expecting to see Clay, but instead he saw Gemma. He noted how tired she looked and then he saw bandages on her arms. "Ma...what happened to you?" asked Jax concerned at the moment.

Gemma held the door open with one hand and her other hand had a firm grip on a tumbler full of whiskey. Gemma looked at her arms and said "It is nothing. I tried to clean up broken glass while I was too drunk to do so...lesson learned...what are you doing here?" Looking at Jax she could only think about all of the things he had said to her last night. The things that he had said about her. Jax had broken her heart and she knew that he would only hate her more once Clay told him the truth.

"Doesn't look like nothing..." commented Jax taking her arm and lifting the bandages slightly to get a look at the cuts on her arm. "Maybe you should let Tara take a look at these..." said Jax. "I am here to talk to Clay...we had some uh...stuff to talk about...is he here?" asked Jax trying to seem casual so that he didn't tip Gemma off. Clay had been adamant that Gemma be kept out of the loop about their conversation. And with the way Gemma was acting right now, Jax thought it was a pretty damn good idea to keep her out of the loop.

Gemma batted his hands away lightly. "It is fine. I don't need anyone to look at them." Gemma moved out of the way letting Jax into the house. She closed the door and said "Clay went to the club for awhile but he said that he will be back soon. You can wait for him if you'd like..."

Jax's eyes scanned the living room as they moved into the room. He couldn't believe all of the damage they had caused last night. Truth be told Jax didn't remember a lot of details from the previous night. He had been in a rage and not exactly sober at the time. "We did all of this...?" asked Jax looking around almost in shock.

Gemma nodded and said "You and Clay destroyed my living room and for what..." Gemma drank from her tumbler and walked out of the living room and headed into the great room.

Jax followed her into the great room confused by her cold demeanor. But it wasn't just cold it was sad. Jax said "I can help you guys cleanup..."

"It can fucking stay like that for all I care." said Gemma having a seat on the couch.

Jax took off his hat and ran a frustrated hand through his golden locks. "I know that...I said and did some things last night..." Jax stopped talking not knowing how to phrase it. "Finding out that you were cheating on dad with Clay all along... and then him implicating you in his death..."

Gemma waved him off and said "I don't want your bullshit apologies."

Jax was a little taken aback his mother always accepted his apologies no matter what he did or said. "Ma...I am trying to tell you that I know better now. I know that you wouldn't hurt dad. Clay told me how much you loved him. And the cheating...hell dad had a whole other family...I can't blame you for moving on...he already had..."

Gemma threw her glass against the wall. "I said I don't want it! I love you Jackson and you know that…but I just don't want any apologies."

Jax watched in shock as the glass crashed against the wall and shattered into what seemed like a million pieces. "Ma...what's wrong with you?"

Gemma stared at her son. "Ma? Don't you mean faithless whore? Manipulative bitch?" She chuckled bitterly. Gemma had tears in her eyes. "You turned on me...me! The only person that has given you everything. You turned on me because of letters your pathetic father wrote to his whore!" screamed Gemma. "I'd die for you! I'd kill for you! I was willing to go to prison for the rest of my life to save you. You are my baby! Mine! No one else's. Maybe I don't deserve your loyalty but I deserve your love! Everything I do...every lie I tell...it is for you...for your benefit because I want to give you a good life. And you turned on me like a rabid dog..."

Clay walked into the room during Gemma's tirade. "What the hell is going on here...?"

"Ma...I'm sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean any of them...you have to know that. I was angry and blinded by my rage." said Jax trying to explain himself.

"Clay...I am glad that you are here now. Jax wants the truth. You want to tell the truth. Then I'll tell it...I'll tell everyone the fucking truth. No more lies no more secrets." said Gemma.

Clay walked over to her and grabbed her arms. "You are drunk...and you are depressed you need to go get some rest before you say something you will regret...something that you can't take back." Gemma had been on a downward spiral since Clay told her that he was going to tell Jax that he was his father.

Gemma jerked herself backward. "Get your hands off of me. You fool. You want the truth to be out well then let's have it out. But we're doing this on my terms." Gemma looked at Jax. "One day I was cleaning the house and I was looking for John's passport. He was going on a trip to Ireland and I didn't want him to go. So I was going to steal the passport, he would have had to send someone else in his place. Anyway, I found two plane tickets...one way. And your passport was there with his. So when John came home I confronted him. At first he lied and tried to deny it but...then he admitted that the second ticket was for you. He was leaving me and taking you with him. And we fought because there was no way in hell I was letting him take you away from me. I would have rather died. When it was all over he took off from the house like a coward because he didn't want to look at what he'd done."

"What do you mean...what he'd done?" asked Jax. "What the hell are you talking about?" asked Jax getting an uneasy feeling about all of this. The intensity in Gemma's voice worried him. He had no idea what she was building up to.

"That's enough, Gemma!" bellowed Clay. "Take your ass upstairs now..." Clay could see the anger rolling off of her in waves. She was going to let it all out.

Gemma chuckled at her husband and had a seat on the couch. She picked up her pack of cigarettes and took one out lighting it. "This is what you wanted Clay...you wanted the truth...well I am about to set you free darlin...free as a bird. John bruised me up good that night and he couldn't bear to see the bruises."

"No...come on my dad didn't hit women..." said Jax shaking his head in disbelief. Sure he knew his parents fought and could tear up a house like no one else but he wouldn't believe that his father would ever lay a hand on his mother. He had a seat on the other end of the couch.

Gemma chuckled. "Of course he did. But that doesn't make him a monster I wasn't exactly cowering in the corner in fear. I was giving him as good as he gave me. He left here and went to the club...I called Clay over and told him that John was going to take you...and he went to the club. A little while later he called me and told me to meet him at his house...so I did...but he didn't show up for a few hours. Made some lie up...I don't remember what it was though...wasn't important in the scheme of things. Clay spilled his guts and told me all about the tapes John was recording for the feds. I knew that John was going to be killed. This one told me because he couldn't handle it. He felt so bad having to kill a brother. " said Gemma with venom in her voice.

"Shut up Gemma!" yelled Clay. He saw the look on her face and realized that there was no way to stop this train.

"You...you couldn't bear to look at John leading up to his death." said Gemma looking back at Clay. "Me...on the other hand. I smiled at him every day. I cooked his meals. I fucked his brains out. The night before he left for that ride I gave him the chance to change his mind...I gave him the chance to save his life... I told him that he was free to go to Ireland...but Jax...stayed here with me. And I would make sure to keep him away from the club. He begged me to understand...lamented the loss of the sweet girl I once was. And that is when I realized that John couldn't love me anymore because I had changed too. And I was angry because I still loved him. I still wanted my husband...but he didn't want me anymore...I would have done anything for John. I was willing to give up our life here and go somewhere else...I loved that man...but he couldn't be reasoned with."

Jax and Clay both looked at her stunned. "You...offered to leave Charming...?" asked Jax.

"To keep my family...yes. But it wasn't to be...I still remember walking him to the door the day he left...I kissed him goodbye and watched him ride off...knowing he wouldn't come home. But the bastard survived...and I was sitting Shiva at his bedside while he struggled to live for two days." said Gemma. "Clay and Piney couldn't stand to see him that way so I was there by myself until the good Lord called him home. I found it fitting...the one woman he couldn't love...was the only one by his side when he died. Now that is irony." said Gemma taking a drag from her cigarette.

"You said that she didn't know...everything you is always just...part of the truth..." said Jax staring at Clay angrily.

"Your mother was broken up last night. Drinking so that she could pass out...because of you. Because was scared of losing you. So I lied...about her not knowing because I wanted to make it better for her. When you see the woman you love in pain...you just try to fix it..." said Clay shaking his head.

Jax looked at Gemma. "So you knew about the murder but you had no part in it?" asked Jax seriously.

Gemma shook her head. "Piney and Clay made the decision to take John out. I had no say in it...I didn't help plan it...but I didn't do anything to stop it either..."

Clay said "After I found the tape in John's room at the club...I went to Piney and told him what I found. We listened to the tape together. We had no way of knowing how long John might have been working for the feds. So we made sure that he was at the club and I got Gemma out of the house...by telling her to wait for me at my place. Piney and I broke in and we searched the house high and low...we noticed a floorboard loose in the closet and I pried it up...that is when we found the other two tapes. We listened to them...and it was more of the same...and I thought to myself that I should have known that he was a fucking rat. When we held church...he brought up shit that didn't need to be talked about...old shit that was water under the bridge...he'd want to talk in details that just wasn't necessary...hell maybe I knew what he was up to and maybe I ignored it until I couldn't ignore it anymore...I don't know...I still have the tapes...it is all the proof you'll need to know that he really was a rat."

"Why'd you keep them...all these years? I mean why not get rid of them..." asked Jax looking at Clay. He felt like his head was imploding with all of the information he was taking in.

"Honestly...I always thought that one day...this shit would come out...secrets have a way of coming unburied when you least expect it...you were always too damn smart for your own good...too much like your mother. Never satisfied with the answer...pain in my ass..." muttered Clay.

Jax asked "How...how did you...I mean everyone thought it was an accident. How did you make his death look like an accident?"

"A buddy of mine...that I met while I was a paratrooper...was working for Unser's trucking company. That day we were out on the road...and Piney and I boxed him in as the semi came up..."

Jax shook his head not needing to hear the rest. "He knew...?"

"I don't think he knew until that moment. Earlier that week we told him that we found the tapes but that all was forgiven as long as he stopped working with the feds...he was our brother and we loved him...and we wouldn't take him away from his family..." said Clay his voice going somber. And in that moment it was obvious the toll John's murder had taken on him.

Jax stared between Clay and Gemma. Somehow he felt like this was the most truthful they had ever actually been with him. And suddenly he understood why his mother lied to him. There was some shit he was better off not knowing.

"Do you want to hear the tapes?" asked Clay standing up from the chair. He couldn't gauge Jax's reaction to all of this but he knew that he didn't want him tearing into Gemma again so the sooner he could get him out of the room the better.

"No...Clay you wanted Jax to know the truth so I am going to tell him everything. Every fucking thing. Jax, Clay is your biological father. Surprise!" said Gemma. She looked at Clay. "You happy now?" asked Gemma.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay guys! Please enjoy and review!

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The world seemed like it stood still after Gemma's revelation. Clay stood there slack-jawed. He couldn't believe that Gemma had just blurted out a secret that she had spent 30 + years trying to keep under wraps. But then he had known Gemma for a long time, and she would rather tell her own dirt than have someone else expose her. Clay dropped back down in the armchair he had previously been sitting in. At the moment his knees felt weak, and his mouth felt dry. This wasn't how he wanted to break the news to his son. He cursed the name of John Teller. He stared at the back of her head angrily.

Gemma turned her head in Clay's direction seeing the almost nauseated look on his face. "What? This is what you wanted right? You told me this morning that you were going to tell your son the truth" said Gemma making air quotes with her fingers. "No matter the cost to him or to me...you would tell him the truth. Well, I gave you what you wanted. You satisfied?" asked Gemma coldly. She shook her head looking at her husband. Sometimes he was as weak as John was.

Clay felt his anger reach a boiling point as Gemma looked at him with disgust. He stood up from the chair and grabbed her by the shoulders easily lifting her from her seated position on the couch. Clay started shaking her like a rag doll. "You selfish bitch! He's my son too, and you told him like this to make sure it poisoned him against me! I stood by for 33 years and watched you raise my son. You don't think I have a right to let him know who he really is?" Clay's grip on her shoulders tightened to a painful level. "I love you, but you can be so fucking evil sometimes...John was right about you. You are cold and hateful..."

Gemma seemed unphased by his outburst. "Who he really is? He's _my_son! And I pray every day that he doesn't turn out to be as weak and useless as either one of his fathers. You cried when you and Piney decided to kill John." She laughed at him, her hazel eyes burning with hatred. "You cried with your head laying on my lap because you had to kill your brother. I had to comfort you while you got ready to kill my husband! My first love...the father of my children!" hissed Gemma. "I had to comfort you when I should have been crying tears of my own..."

Clay's hands shook as he held Gemma's shoulders. He knew that she was just lashing out because she was angry, but her words were fueling a fire that had burned in him for a long time. He resented the fact that he gave up his son. He resented the fact that another man raised his son. He resented Gemma because she had allowed the charade to go on for as long as it had. And he couldn't shake the feeling that he was just a cheap replacement for John in her eyes. That jealousy had brewed in the pit of his belly for years.

"You want to hit me Clay? Will that satisfy you...? You can...but then...I'll _kill_you...and I assure you...unlike you...I won't shed one. fucking. tear." Her coolness seemed almost absurd given the intensity of the situation at hand. Gemma might have been drunk, but she was clear on one thing- she could see the hatred her husband held for her, and it shocked her. He had done a good job of hiding it til now.

Jax's head felt like someone had opened a fizzy can of soda. He searched his brain for the words but none would come. Jax stood up from the couch realizing that this situation was about to go off of the rails. "Take your hands off of her." Jax growled. "Mom?" asked Jax, in a voice that didn't sound like his own to him. It sounded like the voice of a child. "What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Jax as he slowly regained his composure.

Gemma saw the confusion and sadness on her son's face and, even in her drunken rage, it made her heart ache. She was angry and, in some ways, she wanted to punish Clay, but she _never_wanted to hurt her son. Gemma shook off Clay's hands forcefully and closed the small space between her and Jax. She lightly touched his cheek. "Clay...is your biological father. I am so sorry that...you found out this way...you were never supposed to know."

Jax shoved her hands away from him. "No...no!" bellowed Jax. His voice bounced off of the walls of the great room. His eyes were trained on his mother's face trying to read her. "Why? Why?" demanded Jax. "Why would you say that just to hurt me? I know that you hated Dad...but why would you try to do this...try to take away his legacy?" asked Jax.

Gemma hugged her son as tightly as she could manage. "I would never hurt you on purpose...you know that...you know that in your heart." Gemma put her hand over his heart. "You are my baby...my precious baby. I'd give you anything...do anything. I'm sorry...I was so angry with Clay that I...I didn't think. I didn't think about you, baby. I'm sorry." Gemma looked into his blue eyes and saw the hurt in them and it killed her inside. Gemma felt tears filling her eyes.

Jax saw tears forming in his mother's eyes and knew that this was for real. His heart sunk and said "This isn't a lie...?" Just when he thought his life couldn't get any more complicated, his mother dropped a bombshell on his entire life. Jax paced the floor feeling nervous energy building up in him. As he was pacing, his eyes fell onto a picture of Clay and John standing together with the other members of the First 9. Jax grabbed the picture and slung it against the stone fireplace. The glass in the frame shattered and scattered onto the hardwood floors. He punched a wall four or five times making fist size holes in the wall. "Fucking lies...all of it...fucking lies." said Jax shaking his head. He spotted another picture of Clay and John standing together next to their motorcycles. He grabbed that picture and threw it against the floor with such force that it actually bounced before coming to rest on the floor in a broken heap.

Clay walked over to Jax. "I know that you are angry but...calm down..." said Clay looking at the holes in his wall. He shook his head not knowing how this was going to play out. "Son..."

"Don't call me that! I am not your son." said Jax angrily. "I am not your son!" reiterated Jax. He couldn't wrap his mind around any of this. How could John Teller not be his father. How could everything he believed be a complete lie. Jax looked down at his newly battered knuckles and said "I've got to get out of here. I can't deal with this right now." Jax shoved Clay out of his way and went for the door.

Clay grabbed him and said "Whether you hear the truth now or later… it isn't going to change...you are going to get the same truth. I know that this is hard for you to hear, but it is something that you need to hear. I've wanted to tell you for a very long time...I needed to tell you...I am your father. Not John Teller! Me!" Clay had waited three decades to be able to utter those words to Jax.

Jax shoved him. "Get the fuck off of me! You are not my father. You took his club! You took his wife! You aren't about to take his son too!" said Jax. "I heard the rumors growing up that you offed my old man so that you could be with my mother. But I never allowed myself to believe that shit because I loved you, man. Now you are telling me all of this shit! What the fuck am I supposed to do with all of this? Everything that I ever believed was fucking bullshit!" Jax shook his head. "John Teller is my father...I don't want to hear anything else. I don't want anyone knowing about this bullshit! Not a soul! You are nothing to me!" said Jax pointing a finger in Clay's face.

Clay's face hardened as he listened to Jax spew his hatred toward him. "You ungrateful little fuck. I have bent over backwards for years trying to make you love me. That is all I ever wanted was for my son to love me as much as I loved him. John was a weak fuck and this is who you worship? You and your mother both martyring yourselves on the altar of the great John Teller. Visiting his bike like a fucking shrine!" Clay tightened his grip on Jax's arm. "I've taken care of you for longer than he did! I made sure that you got voted up as VP. What? That don't mean shit to you?" asked Clay shoving Jax into the wall.

"You didn't kill my father because he was a rat. You killed him because you were a jealous bastard...coveting what he had. He had the life that you wanted so you took his life. And you can rationalize it any bullshit way you want and make it seem like it was for the greater good of the club, but you can't tell me that in the back of your mind...that you didn't do what you did for you own personal gain too. And it burns you up that even with the truth...I still love my father. My mother still loves my father...it fucking kills you...you jealous prick." said Jax seething with anger. Jax shoved Clay and shook his head. "Pathetic."

Clay stood there momentarily stunned. He watched Jax heading out of the room and grabbed him, throwing the younger man onto the floor. Clay started kicking Jax as hard as he could. His boots were sure to leave bruises on Jax's body. "You may not respect me as your father but you will respect me as your President." It was like a beast had been released in Clay as the two men fought. They hadn't fought like this since the time they were in Stockton together after the church incident.

Gemma watched in horror as Clay attacked Jax. It was easy to see that this was getting out of control. Gemma grabbed Clay's arm and said "Let him go before you really hurt him!" Gemma was beside herself. She had never seen Clay like this before. Gemma latched onto Clay's shoulders digging her manicured nails into him trying to drag him away from Jax. "Get off of my son!" screamed Gemma almost in a panic.

That phrase 'My son' set something off in Clay, and he turned around backhanding Gemma with an audible crack.

The slap sent Gemma flying, and she landed on the floor with a thud. Gemma's breathing was out of control as she stared at her husband in disbelief. "You lousy son of a bitch." stuttered Gemma feeling blood coming from her nose and lips. The salty taste of her own blood invaded her senses. Her ears were literally ringing from the impact.

"What did you say?" asked Clay in a gruff voice approaching her with determined strides. The look on his face made it obvious that she was in for a world of hurt. Clay clenched his jaw, and his large hand easily wrapped around Gemma's neck.

Jax struggled to his feet and knocked Clay to the ground again. The two men struggled against one another. Jax punched Clay repeatedly in the face his own rage taking over him. "I'll kill you!" screamed Jax.

Clay might have been older but he was stronger. He tossed Jax off of him giving him an uppercut to the jaw knocking the younger man backward. Usually Clay would just walk away but at this moment he had truly snapped. He continued to pummel Jax relentlessly. He slammed Jax's head against the floor repeatedly.

Gemma struggled to her feet and left the room. She ran into the kitchen and threw open the doors to the cabinet under the sink. She grabbed her gun from behind the cleaning supplies and walked back into the great room taking the safety off of the gun. She put the gun to the back of Clay's head and cocked it.

The tell-tale sound of a gun being cocked stopped Jax and Clay in their tracks. Jax looked over Clay's head and saw his mother standing there with a .45 glock clutched in her steady hand. Her finger resting precariously on the trigger ready to squeeze it at any moment. His eyes shot to Clay's face seeing him almost frozen in place.

"What the f-f-uck Gemma...?" stuttered Clay.

"Get off of my son." said Gemma in a calm voice. "Or I will put a bullet in your head." said Gemma. She backed away slightly to give him room to stand up, but she kept her gun trained on him.

Clay let Jax go and sat on the floor staring up at his wife still stunned at her reaction. She had watched Clay and Jax fight a million times before and had never intervened. He didn't want to admit to himself that he had gotten out of control this time. He couldn't admit that to himself.

"Mom...?" asked Jax not being able to read the expression on her face. He stood up and walked towards her. "Give me the gun..." said Jax holding his hand out for the gun that Gemma still had trained on Clay's head. "Mom…I am okay…look at me…I am okay." said Jax worriedly.

Gemma took her finger off of the trigger and put the safety back on the gun. She turned as if she was about to walk away but then quickly turned back around and hit Clay over the head with the gun. "Don't you ever put your fucking hands on me again you son of a bitch..." said Gemma her raspy voice cracking as she spoke. She handed Jax the gun and walked out of the room feeling numb at the moment.

Jax stood there with his mother's gun resting at his side.

Clay sat on the floor still trying to work it out in his mind. He realized how very close he had come to losing his life. "I'm sorry son...I...I don't know what came over me." He paused for a moment before slowly getting to his feet. He felt the side of his head feeling the wetness of blood. "Maybe there was some truth to what you were saying. I have always held some jealousy...in my heart. But that doesn't mean that I don't love you and Gemma. It doesn't mean that I didn't love John, because I did. I've just never been able to figure out how to get close to you...how to get you to love me."

Jax said "I can't deal with this right now..." He looked at Clay. "You should get Chibs to look at your head. In the meantime…stay away from me and my mother." Jax walked out of the room without another word. He walked upstairs to find his mother. He walked into the master bedroom watching her pack a bag almost as if she was on autopilot. "Mom...?" asked Jax standing in the door way. He waited for an answer but none came. Jax walked closer to her. "Mom...?" asked Jax again this time reaching to stop her hands from moving.

Gemma stopped to look at him like she was just realizing he was in the room with her. She looked at his battered face. "Are you okay, baby?" asked Gemma in a strained voice. She peered at the back of his head. "I am sorry that...I set him off the way I did. I was angry...and I wanted to hurt him...and I knew just how to do it...I knew what to say..."

"I am fine...Tellers are strong...we can take a punch." said Jax with a smirk. But he couldn't lie he'd have a headache for awhile. "Are you okay?" asked Jax letting her hands go. He looked at her face and winced. "Oh man..." said Jax. "Don't blame yourself. I lit a fire under him too...it is a family trait...we are good at tearing into people."

She smiled softly. "At least you get something from me..." Gemma picked up the bag that she had been packing and her purse. "You should get out of here. Go home...be with your family." said Gemma. "I love you darlin..." said Gemma. She walked out of the room and down the stairs. She stopped briefly to grab her bird cage and then she was out the door. She hadn't bothered getting dressed she was wearing lounge pants, a tank top, and a pair of flip flops she slid her feet into.

Jax followed her out of the house. "How much have you had to drink?" asked Jax, as Gemma was putting the bird cage in the backseat of her car. He took the car keys out of her hand.

"I am not drunk...Jackson. And I am not staying here." said Gemma.

Jax looked back at the house and then back to her. "Yes, you are Mom...you were drunk when I got here today...the way I hear it you've been drunk since last night I can't let you drive like this. I will drive you."

Gemma went to protest but she could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't going to go for it. She nodded and said "Okay...I am going to the cabin you can just drop me off." She tossed the bag in the backseat and closed the door. She climbed into the passenger side of the car and put on a pair of sunglasses.

Jax climbed into the car and started it up. He drove away from the house and for a moment they were both silent. "Why didn't you ever tell me the truth...?" asked Jax.

Gemma stared at the window as the scenery flew by the car. The entire scene ran through her head like a movie. "I never told you because John never wanted you to know the truth. And despite your father's flaws...he loved the hell out of you and you loved the hell out of him. The sun rose and set over you boys in his opinion. We agreed from the beginning that you'd never know the truth...he never wanted you to doubt your position in his life or in his heart. And after he died I clung to that even more because I saw how you clung to his memory. I couldn't blow up your life by telling you that Clay was your father. I didn't want the truth to hurt you...and I didn't want to disrespect John's memory. Your memories of your father was all you had left."

"How did this even happen?" asked Jax gripping the steering wheel. He looked over at his mother briefly before moving his eyes back to the road. "You cheated on Dad?"

Gemma shook her head. "I met your father when he was fresh out of the military. He was rebellious and had all of these ideas...I fell for him easily..." Gemma thought back to that time in her life with an almost fond smile. "But our relationship was rocky and volatile at times. At one point your father went to prison for an almost two year stretch...and while he was away Clay and I got closer. Closer than we should have really..."

"But you two were covered by the prison clause..." added Jax shaking his head. He had lost a lot of sleep over the prison clause while he had served out his sentence. He trusted Tara but, he also knew how lonely it could be for a woman.

Gemma nodded, although he wasn't looking in her direction. "Clay and I saw one another until the week that John got out of jail. Clay and I really cared about one another, and it was hard to call it quits but we knew that we had to. When John got out...we spent damn near two weeks locked inside together. He was always one hell of a lay. During that week he asked me to marry him. He said his time inside made him appreciation me...made him miss me...so I accepted. But a couple of weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. So, I went to John and I told him about my relationship with Clay while he was inside." She fell silent for a minute.

"Can't imagine he took that very well..." said Jax.

Gemma shook her head. "He was furious... I thought that I was going to lose him for good. He took off for a couple of days, but when he came back he sat me down and asked me if I was sure that I wanted to be with him. Clay was nine years younger than John...he told me that he would understand if I wanted to be with someone younger. John was 17 years older than me...but I told him that he was the only man I wanted and I meant that."

"I still don't understand how the three of you came to the conclusion to lie to everyone else and me about my true paternity? I don't get it..." said Jax exasperated. "Why did you feel like you needed to lie to me about something so important...how could you lie to me about who I am. My entire life has been a lie. I'm not Jax Teller"

"John went to Clay to discuss the fact that I was pregnant...I never knew what was said in the conversation really. All I know is that when it was over Clay and John agreed that John would be your father because John was more stable in his life." Gemma looked at her son pointedly even though his eyes were on the road. "Your life hasn't been a lie, Jackson Teller. And I never want to hear you say that again...do you hear me? John Teller raised you until he died. He loved you more than life itself. He fell in love with you the first time he felt you kick. He was convinced that you were a boy from the very beginning. He may not have been your biological father but he was your father in every way that counted. And if John was here, he'd kick your ass for saying you aren't Jax Teller. You were as much his son as you were mine."

A small smile passed over his lips when she said that John would kick his ass. His old man had always been tough but loving. He shook his head. "How did you find out that I was Clay's son?"

"You were five years old and you were sitting on John's bike with him...you fell and cracked your head open. I was in the house when it happened...when I came out..." Gemma paused for a moment remembering the day. "There was blood everywhere...we wrapped you up and got in the car and took you to the hospital. John was going to give blood in case you needed it...we found out then that you two didn't have the same blood type...and comparing my blood type with John's...there was no way you could be John's son."

"I don't even remember that happening to me. So, you found out that day that Clay was my father but there was never a formal DNA test or anything?" asked Jax curiously as he pulled into the driveway at his house.

"There was no need for that. If John wasn't your biological father…then Clay was the only other option." said Gemma. "What are we doing here?" asked Gemma realizing that they were at his house.

"So you are sure that Clay is my father? There isn't anyone else?" asked Jax not knowing how else to put it. "You are going to stay with Tara and me for a few days until we sort this out. The boys will love having their Grams here for a couple of days." said Jax.

"Sorry kiddo. Clay is your father 100%. I wasn't seeing anyone else at the time. Besides the other options aren't good. Would you rather have Tigger as your biological father?" teased Gemma. Gemma shook her head. She wasn't sure about staying with Jax. She knew they had some unresolved issues to work out. "I am going to sit out here and smoke a cigarette for a minute…"

Jax laughed and said "Oh God…if Tig was my father I think I'd just commit myself to a mental hospital." Jax got out of the car and opened the backdoor grabbing the bird cage and Gemma's bag. He headed into the house knowing that he was just sort of springing this on Tara.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone that is keeping up with this story. Sorry for the delay. Please read and review.

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The smell of marijuana hung heavy in the bedroom as Tara walked into the room. She watched him for a moment as he sat at the foot of their bed looking through a well worn, leather photo album. Tara tossed her medical bag on a chair as she walked over to the bed. Tara rested her chin on Jax's shoulder after she climbed onto the bed. "I don't think I've ever seen this album before." commented Tara, looking down at old pictures of John Teller and the other members of the First Nine. She looked at Jax's battered knuckles and said, "You need to let me take care of those hands. They could get infected." Tara reached down lightly running her finger over his knuckles.

"It's an album I found right around the time that Abel was born. It was in a box of my dad's old stuff. Same boxes I found his manuscript in." said Jax. "People say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but that isn't true. A picture is just a freeze frame...one single second in time. We look at the picture and give it meaning." said Jax staring at a picture of John holding him and Clay looking on with a smile. Jax glanced at his knuckles and shook his head. "Don't worry about me. I'll clean up in a little bit. How is mom?"

Earlier in the evening Jax had told her all about his fight with Clay. She was still trying to wrap her mind around Clay being his father. She was used to the insanity of life with the club but this was a new one. "Gemma is sleeping now. I gave her a sedative after I finished cleaning up her face...she was antsy to say the least. She'll have a black eye by morning. I am going to want to get her into the hospital tomorrow. I want to get a look at her ear. I think she might have a perforated eardrum. But she was in no condition to go to the hospital today. She had been drinking since you brought her here. Hell, she was drinking while I tried to clean up her face."

"A perforated eardrum? You've got to be kidding me." said Jax, running a frustrated hand through his hair. He tried to figure out how to convince his stubborn mother to go to the hospital. "I'll talk to her in the morning about going to the hospital. She is going to put up a fight. Hopefully, she will have dried out some by the morning. Thank you for taking care of her...and for not being pissed that I brought her here without talking to you first." said Jax, shaking his head. Jax closed the photo album and sat it on the bed taking a drag from his joint. "The kids already asleep?"

Tara said, "I won't be sure until I can get a good look at her ear with the proper equipment. But she was complaining of pain and was having a hard time hearing me when I was on her right side. You don't have to thank me, Jax. You know I am glad to help out. The boys went to sleep after I bathed them. I had more trouble getting your mother to go to bed. Have you thought about what you are going to do about Clay?"

"I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours trying to figure out what I want to do. I keep running this afternoon over in my head. You should have heard the way he talked about my old man." said Jax, shaking his head. He moved back further in the bed and rested against the headboard.

Tara moved with him and said, "I am not defending Clay. But it had to be hard on him to watch another man raise his son. He never had any other children, right? You are the only piece of him that he will leave in this world. I mean could you imagine someone else raising Abel? It would drive you mad. I know I worry every day that there will come a time when Wendy shows up and decides that she wants to be Abel's mother again."

Jax sighed listening to Tara. He gently rested his hand against her cheek. He had never thought about Wendy coming back into the picture and it gave him some pause. "If this has been bothering you...why didn't you come to me?" asked Jax, with a concerned look on his face. "Okay...I can understand that feeling he probably has. I'd probably go crazy and kill the son of a bitch that was raising my kid. But that very thing brings me to another point. How much of killing John was about him being rat and how much was about getting him away from mom and me?"

"Come to you and say what? Jax, I want you to find your drug addled ex-wife, and ask her to sign away her parental rights? And if you were to do that...it could prompt her to come back to assert her position in Abel's life. It is a double edge sword. But I don't want to talk about me. We are talking about your current crisis. Clay wants to be your father, right? But wasn't he already sort of your father?" asked Tara, running her fingers over the hair on his chin.

"We are going to talk about this Wendy situation later." said Jax. He leaned back against the headboard in thought. "If I accept Clay as my father...what does that say about John?" asked Jax seriously.

"John raised you, Jax. Nothing Clay does or says is every going to take that away from you or John. You have memories with your father that can never be duplicated or erased. But that doesn't mean that you can't love Clay too. If you are honest with yourself you already do. You love that old man far more than you are really willing to admit. It is like in some way you feel like you are dishonoring your father's memory by loving Clay too."

"I guess I've always kept distance between me and Clay. I mean he took over the club when my dad died. And it didn't take him that long to convince my mother to marry him. It was like he was trying to remove my dad from my life. And I resisted him at every step. I guess the revelation that he is my biological father, and that he did indeed have a hand in killing my father...it is bringing back those old familiar feelings. I just lost it today and so did he." said Jax.

Tara looked at his battered face and said, "I would say that was an understatement. You look like shit." Tara climbed off the bed and grabbed her medical bag. Tara started cleaning Jax's face. Tara said, "So you think that Clay killed your father because of the jealousy he had in his heart. But answer me this...cut out the jealousy. Was Clay right in what he did?"

Jax took a minute to think about Tara's question. He nodded his head. "Of course he was right. My old man was ratting on his own club. That sort of betrayal always warrants death. Clay hated killing McGee, in Belfast. But he did it without a second thought because McGee sold us out to the Irish." Jax said "I don't hate him...you know."

"I know you don't hate him, Jax. But maybe you need to tell him that...not me." said Tara, seriously. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "You hold all the cards in this situation, baby. As much as Clay might want to run the show, and dictate how your relationship will be...he doesn't have that power. It is up to you. Take this as slow or as fast as you want to. But you are going to have to come to some sort of understanding. Your mother is still married to him. And he's still president of SAMCRO." Tara had a thoughtful look on her face. "Despite, what you say about keeping distance between you and Clay...I remember when we were younger. Jax, you loved him. He was your favorite uncle. The man used to spoil you. He'd let you get away with all kinds of shit. He used to buy you stuff all of the time. Who was the first one to let you fire a gun? "

Jax took stock of what Tara was saying and knew that she was right. Clay had gone out of his way to be a big part of Jax's childhood. Somehow Jax had missed out on all of the signs. "I am going to go over to the house tomorrow. The longer I put off the talk the longer it will be hanging over my head. I still don't know that I want other people knowing that he is my biological father. But I guess...I do want him to know that I love him." said Jax, tiredly.

Tara smiled and said, "That's my smart man." She kissed him softly. "You look exhausted, baby. Why don't you lie down and try to get some sleep? I am going to go check on the boys, and then I will be back to join you."

Jax yawned slightly. "That doesn't sound like a half-bad idea." Jax stood up stripping down to his boxers. He climbed back in the bed, and he stretched out waiting for Tara to come back. Jax tried his best to stay awake, but it didn't take long for him to fall into a heavy sleep.

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Jax didn't wake up until next morning. He yawned tiredly, and looked over at the clock seeing that it was 5:00 in the morning. Jax at least felt rested this morning. More importantly, he felt like he had a whole new clear view on this entire situation. Apparently what he needed was a good 10 hours of sleep. Jax slipped out of the bed quietly so that he didn't disturb Tara's sleep. He felt bad for leaving her alone with the boys all day yesterday. He promised himself that he'd take the boys for a couple of hours today. Jax walked out of their bedroom and down the hall to the nursery that the boys shared. Jonathan's crib was on one side of the room and Abel's toddler bed was on the other side of the room.

Jax leaned against the wall watching both of his boys' sleep, and he thought back to his childhood. Gemma, John, and Clay had gone out of their way to give him the world. He never wanted for anything and there was never a point in his life where he didn't feel loved. And when he truly needed Clay, after Abel was kidnapped, he was there for Jax in a very real way. Clay had played the father role to the best of his ability, and Jax had needed that support. He walked over to the glider and sat down.

Jax sat alone with his thoughts until the sun started to rise. He pulled himself out of the chair feeling achy from all of the fighting. Jax walked back down the hall to his bedroom and headed straight for the shower. He needed the hot water to wash away all of the bad shit he was feeling right now. He needed to approach Clay with a clear mind. Jax finished his shower and got dressed in the bedroom without disturbing Tara. He pulled the blanket over her more and then headed out of the house.

Jax stood outside with a frown on his face seeing that Gemma's car was gone. Last night Jax had left her car keys on the dresser in his bedroom. That meant Gemma had come in during the middle of the night and swiped them without waking up Jax or Tara. He shook his head and figured she'd gone home to see Clay. That was better anyway; he wanted to be able to talk to both of them. Both of his parents...he hadn't had two parents in a very long time. Jax climbed on his bike and took off for Clay and Gemma's house. Jax took the scenic route still getting everything straight in his head. He didn't want to fight with Clay. He didn't think his body could take another round with Clay right now anyway.

When he finally pulled up in their driveway he frowned not seeing Gemma's car. "Where the hell could she be?" Jax asked himself.

Jax climbed off of his bike and headed to the front door. He knocked and waited on Clay to come to the door. Jax waited for an answer but none came. Jax knocked harder. "Where the hell is the old man?" asked Jax. He waited a little longer before he decided to just go around back. He walked around the side of the house through the open gate. He thought that was weird because Gemma and Clay kept that gate locked at all times. He walked around to the great room and looked in through the French doors. At that moment Jax felt like his heart stopped beating. There on the great room floor was Clay lying in a pool of his own blood. Jax looked around and picked up a heavy terracotta planter to break the glass. He reached into the broken glass and opened the door. Jax rushed to Clay's side seeing a puddle of blood spreading from under the man. The TV blared in the background and the living room was littered with empty beer cans. Clay's gun was still close to his hand. The room smelled of gun powder. Jax spotted a couple of shell casings on the floor.

Jax took off his gloves and check for a pulse. He found himself silently thanking God when he felt a faint pulse. Jax grabbed the cordless phone and called for an ambulance. He started doing CPR on Clay. "Come on you old bastard...don't die me...don't you die on me." muttered Jax.

Clay muttered quietly. "Son...I…" Clay coughed as he started choking on his own blood. He had two gunshot wounds to the chest. He stared up at the ceiling feeling blood filling his lungs. Clay struggled to speak again but the words just wouldn't come. He looked at Jax seeing the fear and sadness in his son's eyes. He would have given anything to be able to hug him. To tell him that he loved him. Instead he weakly grabbed Jax's hand and squeezed for all he was worth. "Gem…" muttered Clay losing consciousness.

"I'm here...you are going to be okay. I'm not ready to lose another father." promised Jax. It felt like he performed CPR for an eternity but really it was only 5 minutes before the ambulance arrived and the paramedics were loading Clay up and taking him to the hospital.

Jax wanted to go to the hospital with Clay, but he had to stay behind to answer the police's questions. They questioned him backwards and forwards but he didn't have any answers. He didn't know what had happened here. Jax's head was spinning. He felt like everything was moving fast around him but it seemed to him that he was moving in slow motion. Even his words seemed to be in slow motion. He watched as the forensics team went over the entire house looking for evidence. The police finally released him and he took off going to the club to look for his mother first. When he didn't find her he called Opie.

Opie was still fast asleep. "Hello?" asked Opie with a groan. He glanced over at the clock wondering who'd be calling him so early in the morning.

"Ope..." said Jax in a strangled voice. He cleared his throat to try to regain some composure. Opie was his best friend. If he trusted anyone to look after his family it would be this man.

Opie's eyes shot open and he sat up in the bed now strangely alert. Opie asked, "What's going on?" Opie had known Jax his entire life and he knew that it was serious if his friend was near tears.

"Clay's been shot." said Jax. The words felt foreign coming out of his mouth. "They took him to St. Thomas Hospital. He was…uh…shot twice in the chest. Until we know what this is...I need you to look out for my family. Tara and the kids are at home alone. And I need you to let everyone else know what is going on. See if Piney or Tig can hang out at the hospital with Clay. My mom is missing but don't breathe a word of that to anyone." said Jax. Jax didn't know rather Gemma was in danger of if she'd be in need of an alibi. But he had to find her before the police realized no one knew where she was.

"Shit..." said Opie, in disbelief. He climbed out of the bed pulling on his pants. "I'll wake the kids up and take them over your house so that I can keep an eye on Tara and the kids. Do you need me to do anything else?" asked Opie.

"Call Rosen…I am going to need a lawyer. Now I just need to find my mother. Thanks for doing this, brother." said Jax, hanging up. Jax was taking the necessary precautions, but his number one suspect was his own mother. The look in her eyes yesterday when she was holding a gun on Clay had been murderous. That let him know that she was capable of killing Clay if her passions were inflamed enough. And he couldn't rule out the possibility that she went back there for revenge for Clay putting his hands on her. Jax called Gemma's cell phone. But he didn't get an answer. "Son of a bitch..." muttered Jax.

He took off on his bike searching for Gemma. Jax and Gemma would most likely be prime suspects in Clay's shooting. Jax and Clay had fought the previous day. The police had been sure to ask Jax all about his bruised face and knuckles. And Gemma being the wife would be the natural first suspect. That suspicion would only go up whenever Gemma resurfaced with a black eye, split lip, and possible perforated eardrum.


	6. Chapter 6

Jax Teller was a bundle of nerves as he rode around Charming looking for his mother. He couldn't reach Gemma on her cell phone and the longer that she was out of touch, the more worried Jax became that she might be a victim of foul play. The Sons had a lot of enemies and taking out the President of the MC could be a smart move if done properly. Gemma could have been a casualty of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, or she could have been killed to drive home the point that the MC wasn't untouchable.

Jax was about to give up looking on his own and organize a search party when he decided to drive through the cemetery on a whim. He knew from past experience that his mother sometimes went there to visit Thomas' grave when her life was out of balance. And you couldn't get any more out of balance.

Jax rode slowly down the service road that ran through the cemetery. Just as he was about to turn around his eyes ran across Gemma's car parked close to the area where the veterans were buried. Jax came to a stop and hopped off of his bike.

"Ma?" called Jax. He jogged over to her car and looked into the driver's side window and didn't see her. It was then he saw movement in the backseat. Jax knocked hard on the window. "Mom!"

Hearing Jax's voice startled Gemma out of a drunken sleep. She shot up in the backseat feeling a little groggy.

"What's wrong baby?" asked Gemma thinking for a moment that he was a little kid again.

She slowly realized that she was in the backseat of her car. Gemma opened the back door and climbed out of the car. Her hair was disheveled from sleeping in the car and a half empty bottle of whiskey lay on its side on the floor of the backseat. Gemma could see the concern on his face.

"What's wrong?" asked Gemma walking over to Jax. She lightly touched his cheek seeing that his eyes were red as if he'd been crying at some point.

"Where have you been?" asked Jax through gritted teeth. "I told you not to leave the fucking house! I told you to stay put! Where have you been?" asked Jax louder this time. "You are fucking drunk."

Gemma was taken aback by his tone of voice. He seemed angry but more so he seemed worried. "Baby, I'm fine," said Gemma trying to convince him.

"And I did not drink and drive. I drove here and then I drank and then I decided to sleep it off before I got behind the wheel again. I know when I am too drunk to drive, Jackson. I wouldn't put myself or anyone else at risk by being stupid. I've been taking care of myself for a very long time. I won't be needing you to tell me what to do."

"You still didn't answer me. Where have you been?" asked Jax shaking his head. "When did I become the fucking parent in this situation?" asked Jax seriously.

He paced the ground a bit shaking his head. "Where were you? I called your cell and you didn't answer me."

He took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket as he waited on Gemma to respond.

"This is about more than me just taking off in the middle of the night...what the fuck is going on, Jackson?" asked Gemma as the cobwebs started to clear more.

Her eyes searched his trying to figure this out. "I left your house and came here. I needed to be...I needed to be close to John. I don't know. I guess everything with you and Clay just was too much yesterday. And it brought up all of this old shit and new shit that I didn't even know was there. So, I came here to see John. I didn't know how else to get back to center. And I talked to him and I yelled at him. Cleaned off his grave because the leaves were starting to pile up."

Gemma stopped talking and noticed blood on Jax's shirt. "Are you hurt?" Her hands went to his shirt to check for a wound.

Jax sighed and pulled his mother into a hug. "I went to the house this morning to see Clay. I wanted to try to set shit right. He's been shot. They took him to the hospital and I started looking for you. Because either you were a victim or you were the doer. I need you to be straight up with me. You are my mother and I love you. I will protect you from this if I need to. But I've got to have the truth now."

Jax took a moment not sure he was ready to continue. Jax continued, "You and I are going to be on the top of the cops' suspect list. Did you shoot Clay? I know you were mad at him yesterday for how shit went down. And then he hit you. Did you do this? Before you answer I want you to think this through. Don't lie to me...did you do this?"

He pulled back and looked into his mother's eyes. She was a skilled liar like no one he'd ever seen. Jax wasn't sure that he'd be able to tell if she was lying or not.

Gemma stumbled back from the hug looking at Jax with wide eyes. She was stunned into silence as she processed the information. Instantly she was taken back to the day she got the call about John's accident. Even knowing that it was coming hadn't been enough to prepare her for the pain she felt. In that moment she had felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest. And in this very moment she had the very same feeling. Her knees felt weak and her head was swimming.

Jax said, "Woah!" He grabbed Gemma to keep her from collapsing onto the ground.

"I'm fine," Gemma blustered angrily regaining her senses and standing on her own two feet. She cleared her throat slightly. "Is Clay okay?" asked Gemma genuinely scared.

Jax blew out a tentative breath and said, "I don't know, Mom. He wasn't good when the paramedics took him away but he was at least still breathing. I called Opie and asked him to send Piney or Tig there to sit with Clay."

"I've got to get to the hospital," said Gemma finger combing her hair.

"I need you to answer my question, Mom. Did you do this?" asked Jax staring at her. "No matter what your answer I'll make sure that you are clear of this, Mom. Whatever you did I know you did it for me."

"No, I didn't shoot Clay. I was angry at him, sure. I wanted crack his fucking skull wide open, but I didn't want him dead. I pistol whipped him. That was good enough for me. I figured I'd stay up at the cabin a couple of days and figure out what I wanted to do," said Gemma.

"I had to ask, Mom. You don't have an alibi for this thing. And the look you had yesterday when you were holding that gun on Clay, I had no doubt that you would have pulled the trigger if he didn't get off of me. You looked like a stone cold killer in that moment," confessed Jax as he looked at his mother.

"In that moment when I thought he might actually hurt you. I did what I had to do to protect my son. Yes, I would have put a bullet in his fucking head if he hadn't moved when I told him to. But that is only because Clay was out of control, and I thought that he might kill you. You are my baby. I'll do whatever I have to do to protect you until I take my last breath. But other than to save your life... I wouldn't kill my husband. I didn't kill John and I wouldn't try to kill Clay. What the fuck do you think I am?" asked Gemma seriously looking at her son's suspicious eyes.

"What have I done to you that you'd believe that I could do that?" asked Gemma seriously.

Jax softened somewhat seeing the hurt in his mother's face. He'd hurt her far too much in the last couple of days. Growing up he thought that nothing could affect her. There were times he wondered if his mother even had a heart. It wasn't until yesterday that he realized that he was the only person that could actually hurt his mother.

He was the only person that meant anything to her. Sure he knew that she loved Clay but at the end of the day if it was a choice between her husband or her son she'd always pick her son.

"I believe it because you are not a weak woman. You've been strong my entire life. I learned how to be a man from my mother not my father or my step-father. You are more ruthless and cruel than Dad or Clay could ever muster. And you passed that along to me. You are my mother and I know what you are capable of when provoked. That is why I needed to know the truth. The cops are going to be looking to pin this on one of the two of us. I needed to know if you did it before they started suspecting you. I wasn't about to let you go down for murder one." If Gemma had shot Clay, Jax would have confessed to the crime to keep the investigation off of her.

"I wouldn't let you take the fall for me, Jackson. You are my son. If anyone is falling on a sword it would be me. You've got a family to take care of now. Tara, Abel, and Thomas need you out of prison. You've got your whole life ahead of you. A life I worked very hard to provide... you don't get to decide to sacrifice that in the name of saving me. I'm still your mother," said Gemma.

Jax said, "I wouldn't give you a choice. You might be my mother but at the end of the day you are an old lady. Which means you'd do what I tell you to. But now we've got a bigger problem to worry about…I didn't shoot Clay and neither did you. That means one of our enemies made a move on him at the house."

"Who? Who would be sloppy enough to leave Clay alive?" asked Gemma. "That is an amateur move. You should have known right off that I wasn't the shooter. No way in hell I would have left Clay alive if I shot him. What have I always told you, Jackson?"

He chuckled at the irony of the lesson his mother had taught him as a child. Jax recited from memory, "You never leave a wounded animal alive."

"Why?" asked Gemma wanting him to finish the statement.

"Because a wounded animal is desperate, dangerous, and vengeful. And given the opportunity they will attack you," said Jax.

"That's my boy. So, what fuck up would have shot Clay in his own home and botched the job?" asked Gemma.

She ran over the possibilities in her mind. She couldn't imagine the Mayans making that sort of move against Clay at the house. No one knew that Gemma wasn't home. That would have meant that Alvarez was gunning to take her out as well. But Marcus was a family man it was doubtful that he'd sanctioned a hit on someone's old lady. Those types of moves leave your own family vulnerable to retaliation. There were certain rules that MCs followed; Alvarez wouldn't have violated that one.

"It looks like they caught Clay off guard but he was still able to get to his piece and fire off a couple of rounds. The hitter definitely took a slug or two. Probably tried to get the hell out of dodge before the neighbors called the cops. Clay's gun didn't have a silencer. I guess that they didn't realize that no one was going to call in to report gunshots from the Teller-Morrow home," said Jax.

"Clay keeps hollow point bullets in his gun. There is no way that person is still alive if he took both slugs. Those hollows rip you apart on impact," said Gemma.

Jax looked thoughtfully and said, "Probably means the hitter wasn't there alone. Maybe a two person team. I am going to follow you over to St. Thomas. Once you are there I don't want you leaving without having somebody with you. I need to figure out what the hell is going on first. Something just doesn't feel right with all of this."

He had inkling about who might be behind this attack on Clay. If his hunch was right things were going to get very messy very fast.

Gemma nodded and said, "I don't want you riding by yourself out here, Jax. You are Clay's number two…you are number one with him being in the hospital fighting for his life. That means the target is on your back now. And if this is about crippling the MC... you've got to be next on the hit list. I know you are a grown man but for once in your life listen to your mother."

"Don't worry about me. I'll have Chibs and Happy with me," said Jax. He opened the driver's side door for Gemma.

Gemma scowled but knew that Jax had to do what he had to do. She climbed into the car and put on her seatbelt. "Just be safe okay? If anything happens to Clay… you are all I've got left, Jackson. I've lost too much in this life time. I can't bear losing anything else."

Jax kissed her cheek and said, "I'll be fine, Mom." He closed her car door and walked back over to his Harley. Jax put on his helmet and climbed onto the bike waiting on Gemma to take off for the hospital.

Gemma started up the car and took off like a bat out of hell. She sped through Charming ignoring most of the traffic lights as she headed to the hospital. She couldn't help but think about how she'd left things with Clay the previous day.

Gemma thought back to something Maureen Ashby had said to her while she was in Belfast. It had been hurtful but true. Gemma did have the tendency to chew men up like a meat grinder. But she really didn't know any other way to be.

Gemma had found out the hard way years ago... nice girls get taken advantage of. The alternative was to always be in control so that you could move the pieces on the board for yourself. Gemma pulled into St. Thomas' parking lot and saw several police cars as well as motorcycles. She whipped into a parking space and climbed out of the car.

Tig walked over and hugged Gemma. "Piney is up in the waiting room. They had to rush Clay in for immediate surgery, Gem."

Gemma felt her heartbeat speed up in fear. "Surgery is good…that means there is something to save still."

Tig said, "The doctors didn't seem to optimistic about Clay's chances. He nearly bled out before the paramedics got to him."

He wanted to manage Gemma's expectations. There was no sense in getting her hopes up when the reality was that Clay was more likely to die than survive at this point.

Gemma swallowed slightly and kissed Tig's cheek. "Clay is a very strong man. If anyone can survive this... it will be him." She closed the car door and readied herself to walk into the hospital.

"We are going to find the person that did this and my face will be the last thing he ever sees. I promise you that," said Tig with an intense look on his face. He took his position in the club seriously. It was his responsibility to look out for Clay. This was a major blow to him.

Gemma nodded and said, "I believe you, Tigger. I trust you."

Chibs, Kozik, Happy, Filthy Phil, and Juice walked over to greet Gemma. They each gave her a hug.

Jax hugged Gemma and said, "Go inside, Mom. I need to have a talk with these guys. I'll be up as soon as I can to check on Clay."

Gemma nodded and said, "Alright." She looked at Tig and said, "Look after my boy."

Gemma walked into the hospital and headed into the emergency room. She briefly felt dizzy as she looked at the familiar settings. The hospital had scarcely changed in the last twenty years. She could still remember the room Thomas died in. In fact she could remember the room John died in. Her heart broke wondering if she'd have another room number to remember.

"Excuse me, I'm Gemma Morrow. My husband, Clay Morrow, was brought in awhile ago."

The nurse said, "Mrs. Morrow, do you have your ID with you? The police have asked that we verify the identity of everyone inquiring about Mr. Morrow's condition. So many people have already inquired about him. We have to know who is receiving this information."

"Are you kidding me? You want my ID when my husband is fighting for his life?" asked Gemma incredulously. All she could see was red at the moment.

Piney walked over and put a steadying arm around Gemma. He had known her long enough to recognize signs of an impending storm. "They aren't going to budge on it. That new sheriff is being a real hard ass about this. Where is your purse? Is it in the car? I can go get it for you."

Gemma said, "Yeah, my purse is in the car. I forgot it when I ran up here. I'll go down and get it myself. I need my cell phone anyway." She kissed Piney's cheek.

Piney took a moment to take in her appearance. He could smell the whiskey coming off of her breath. He reached into his pocket and took out a package of gum.

"Thank you," Gemma said in an appreciative voice. She took a stick of gum and popped it into her mouth. "Have you heard anything? All I know is what Tig told me outside... that they took Clay into surgery."

Piney took Gemma's arm gently and steered her over to the chairs in the waiting room. He had a seat next to Gemma and considered his words carefully.

"Clay had a collapsed lung when they brought him in. He wasn't getting any oxygen at the time. I haven't heard anything since then. It could be hours before he is out of surgery."

Gemma ran a tired hand through her perfectly highlighted mane. "When shit goes bad it really goes off the fucking rails." Gemma lamented in a tired voice.

Piney was one of the few people that she felt she could be herself with. He had known her longer than anyone. Piney had known her longer than Clay. There was a certain comfort that came along with that type of familiarity.

Piney nodded in understanding. "I had a feeling that it would after Jax came to my house yesterday. There wasn't any way for that to end but bad. What the hell happened over there?" That was Piney's delicate way of asking if the hit against Clay was an in house job. He nodded his head at her black eye.

She blew out a frustrated breath and responded, "I was angry and I was drunk. And I went off the deep end, Piney. I pushed Clay's buttons purposefully and I thought his rage would be directed towards me. But instead he lost it with Jax in a way I've never seen before. And for moment I was scared that he was going to kill my son. But in the end things broke up and I went home with Jax for the night. We don't know what the hell happened between last night and this morning."

"Jax knows the truth now?" Piney asked with a curious look on his face. "About everything?"

She nodded. "He knows that Clay is his biological father but he doesn't want anyone else to know. You'd do well to keep that to yourself until Jax says different. Who the hell would do this, Piney?"

Piney put a comforting arm around Gemma's shoulders and shook his head. "I don't know if Clay or Jax would want me telling you this, Gemma."

"I'd say Clay isn't in the position to object and Jax isn't here right now. Tell me what you know and it stays between the two of us, old man."

She offered a half smile but her stomach was doing flip flops as the anxiety about the situation started to build. The unknown was always worse than the known.

"The only people that we've pissed off as of late are the Russians. And if they were going to make a move against the club to force us to renegotiate the deal we have with them... this would be the move that I would make." Piney shrugged as if to say he didn't have any other ideas.

"That makes sense. Taking out Clay turns the club upside down and disorients everyone as they are scrambling to make heads or tails of the situation. It is no secret that Jax would be voted in president if Clay died. He'd be a young president looking to protect his club and his family. He'd probably be open to just about any deal they put on the table," Gemma responded in a low voice.

"Gemma!" called Tara running over to Gemma with Jonathan in her arms.

Gemma stood up and hugged Tara when the young woman finally reached her. She kissed the top of Jonathan's head.

"I am so glad that you are okay," said Tara in a relieved voice.

"I am fine, sweetheart. Where is Abel?" Gemma asked looking around Tara for her other grandson. She smiled spotting him walking hand in hand with his daddy.

"Grams!" squealed Abel excitedly. He let go of Jax's hand and ran straight for his grandmother. "Up pease!"

Gemma laughed softly and lifted Abel off of his feet. "There is my little man." She hugged him close to her. Gemma was even more thankful for her grandchildren than normal.

Jax walked over and said, "Let's go into the chapel for a little family meeting." He patted Piney on the shoulder.

Gemma looked behind Jax and saw the rest of the guys coming up the hall. She tightened her grip on Abel and made her way down the hallway to the chapel.

Juice opened the doors and saw that there were a few people inside. He cleared his throat and the people scurried from the room.

Everyone filed in and found a seat in the tiny hospital chapel.

It was then that Gemma realized that Lyla, Kenny, Ellie, and Piper were present as well.

Lyla reached over the pew and lightly squeezed Gemma's shoulder in support.

Jax and Opie stood at the front of the chapel and motioned to Filthy Phil and their newest prospect Twist.

Opie said, "No one gets in through those doors."

Filthy Phil nodded and walked out of the chapel with Twist. He closed the door behind them and stood in front of it to block entry.

Jax said, "I'm instituting a lockdown at the club. Until I know what is going on it is better if everyone we love and care about are safe in one place that is easy to protect. I know this isn't an ideal situation, but we don't have any other choice for the time being. Nobody rides alone. And none of your women are to be out by yourselves. Tara has expressed a desire to stay here at the hospital with my mother. And seeing as this place is crawling with cops and federal agents, it is safe to assume that the hospital is going to be pretty safe for now. The cops are going to be pressing hard to get leads on what happened. Our stance is we don't know shit. If they press you hard let them know that you'll answer questions with your lawyers present. Don't say shit without Rosen or Lowen."

Everyone was just silent realizing the world of trouble they were in right now.

Filthy Phil stepped into the door and said, "Uh... sorry to interrupt, Jax. There is a doctor is looking for Gemma."

Gemma walked out of the chapel quickly.

The guys followed not knowing what the news would be.

Gemma walked to the nurses' station and said, "I was told that there was a doctor looking for me?"

A man in scrubs stepped around the counter to greet her. "I am one of your husband's doctors. My name is Arnold Cosair. Perhaps we should sit down and talk about what is going on?"

"I don't want to sit down. Just tell me about my husband," Gemma demanded in an even tone.

"Mrs. Morrow, your husband suffered a collapsed left lung. His spleen is damaged beyond repair. It is going to have to be removed immediately. A portion of his liver is going to have to removed as well. He's still on the table for right now and will be for another 5 to 6 hours at least. At the moment he is stable but there is a very long road ahead of us. We are also running low on his blood type but we have a call in to a couple of the area blood banks," explained Dr. Cosair. "Do you have any questions?"

Gemma shook her head still processing what the doctor just said to her.

Tara said, "Can I speak to you privately, Dr. Cosair?" She handed Jonathan to Jax.

"Of course, Dr. Knowles." He walked away from the assembled group of bikers.

Opie looked at Jax and said, "Juice said he can take Lyla and the kids back to the club and sit on them while I am gone. Lyla can watch Abel and Jonathan if you don't want to keep them here at the hospital."

"Have Juice take Filthy Phil with him. I am going to go ask Tara about taking Abel and Jonathan to the club," said Jax.

He walked over to Tara after she finished talking with the doctor. "Lyla and the kids are going to head over to the club now. I think it'd be a good idea if we send Abel and Jonathan with her. We don't know how long Clay is going to be in surgery here."

Tara nodded slightly. "That is probably for the best. They'll get cranky and restless here after awhile. Their diaper bags are down in the car with everything they would need."

"Alright." Jax walked over to Juice and handed him Jonathan. "Stop by the car and grab the boys' bags from the backseat."

"Sure thing, Jax." Juice took the boys and left with Lyla and the children.

Opie clapped Jax on the back. "I need to go out to Lodi and pick up my mother. I don't want her out there by herself."

Jax nodded. "It is a good idea bringing Mary in, Brother. She's a sitting duck out in Lodi if someone is looking to turn the screws on us."

Jax and Opie were of the agreement that Gemma had been on the hit list right along with Clay. There was no other explanation of why they'd choose to hit Clay at the house in the middle of the night. On any other night Gemma would have been there. "Take Kozik with you."

Ope hugged Jax. "Call me if you need anything."

He walked over and hugged Gemma too. "Clay is going to pull through this. He is too fucking stubborn to die just yet." He offered a smile and left the hospital with Kozik.

The other guys started to file out of the hospital.

Jax walked with Gemma and Tara to the waiting area and had a seat. "I'm Clay's blood type, right?"

Gemma nodded and said, "Yeah... that you are."

Jax stared at her for a moment.

"It's your secret to tell, baby. I am not going to force your hand on something you don't want. I am the queen of burying shit. Besides, giving blood weakens you. You've got to be at the top of your game right now. You aren't the second string quarterback anymore. You are a smart boy. You'll protect this club," said Gemma. Her voice was full of confidence but her eyes were full of worry.

"You're scared," observed Jax looking at the expression on his mother's face. He couldn't be fooled by the coolness of her words. Gemma's eyes said everything about what she was feeling right now.

"Are you scared that I am going to get killed? Or are you scared that I am going to fail because I am my father's son?"

"Which father?" asked Gemma her lips twitching into a half-smile.

"Touché," chuckled Jax quietly. "Doesn't matter which father. The instinct to do what needs to be done is something I got from you. There is no scenario where SAMCRO doesn't come out on top. I won't let down my family or my club. I need to go have a chat with some of the boys. Call me if there are any changes with Clay or if the blood bank doesn't have Clay's blood type. I'll just have a fucking cookie or something. Piney is going to stick around here to keep an eye on the two of you."

Jax hugged Gemma and then hugged Tara. "Keep an eye on her," whispered Jax to Tara before walking out of the hospital.

"Of course. Love you, Jax," said Tara. She turned her attention to Gemma. "I really wanted to get a look at your ear. I think you might have a..."

"Busted eardrum?" asked Gemma finishing Tara's statement.

"Yeah, how did you know? Did you overhear Jax and me last night?" asked Tara.

She shook her head. "Isn't the first time I've had one, sweetheart. I felt it when it happened. There isn't anything to do for it. I just have to let it heal on its own, right?"

"Right, but I'd like to keep an eye on it and see the size of the rupture. If it doesn't heal in a couple of weeks you might have to see a specialist. And I can prescribe you something for the pain. I can take you back right now and get a look at your ear."

Gemma said, "Thank you for worrying about me, sweetheart. My ear will be fine." She frowned seeing Sheriff Roosevelt coming up the hall. She groaned. "I need to go get my purse from the car. I need my driver's license so that bitch at the nurses' station won't give me any trouble. And I need my cell phone. Something tells me I am going to be placing a call to Rosen soon."

"Alright, I am going to see if I can find out anything new about Clay," said Tara.

Gemma walked over to the elevator mashing the down button. Gemma kept hitting the button. She occasionally looked over her shoulder to see if she could spot the sheriff.

A tall man spoke in a Russian accent, "You know pushing the little button so many times does not make the elevator car come any faster."

Gemma cast an annoyed eye at the man standing next to her and thought she noticed a bulge under his jacket.

Just then the elevator dinged as the doors opened to reveal an empty elevator car.

"After you…" said the Russian man with a crooked smile.

Gemma backed away slightly. "That's okay… I'll take the stairs. I could use the exercise."

She turned on her heels and headed down the hallway for the stairway. Gemma took the stairs two at a time as she raced for the exit. She only hoped that Jax was still there.

As Gemma ran out of the emergency exit she spotted Jax in the parking lot talking to Chibs and Miles. "Jax!" yelled Gemma to get his attention. "Chibs!"

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a dark SUV creeping up the street. The windows started to roll down and she saw the barrels of automatic weapons peeking out of the car.

Gemma took off toward the parking lot like she was a world class sprinter. She kept screaming, "Jax!" Gemma ran into Jax knocking him over just as the gunfire erupted breaking the silence of the hospital parking lot.

The gunfire only lasted a minute but for that minute it sounded like they were in the middle of a war zone.

When the gunfire finally stopped Jax said, "Mom, are you okay? Chibs? Miles?"

Chibs slowly got to his feet. "I am okay brother." He stopped and looked at Gemma's body that was currently draped over Jax's body. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," muttered Chibs doing the sign of the cross in absolute shock.

Jax could feel moisture spreading across his chest. He rolled Gemma off of him and quickly got to his feet. Jax stood there for a moment feeling like everything was in slow motion. He lifted Gemma up into his arms and ran into the hospital screaming, "I need help over here, please! Someone help me! Help me!"


	7. Chapter 7

Sheriff Roosevelt hauled Jax down to the police station almost as soon as Gemma was rushed off to surgery. He'd spent three hours in an interrogation room being 'interviewed'. Jax couldn't say that he blamed Roosevelt. The club was responsible for a drive by shooting taking place in the hospital parking lot. But the entire time he was in the room his mind was at St. Thomas Hospital with his mother and Clay. Jax didn't do much talking during the interview. Rosen did most of the talking because Jax really had nothing to say.

This wasn't a situation that needed police intervention. He didn't need protection. He needed vengeance and he would have it. Jax kept thinking about the last words Gemma uttered to him before he put her on a gurney. _Russians._

The Russians were finally lodging a real play for payback against the club and it had been well executed. Clay was on death's door and if Gemma hadn't knocked Jax to the ground he'd probably be dead right now. Miles was dead from a bullet to the head.

Opie walked into the waiting room and looked around for Jax. He made a beeline for his best friend and said, "All of the families are in lockdown at the club. Hap put in a call to Quinn. He said that the Nomads will be down in an hour to help keep a watch on the club. Jury is on his way with Indian Hills to help out, too. Any news on Gemma?"

Jax was seated in the uncomfortable waiting room chair with his head in his hands. He heard Opie talking but his mind was focused on other things at the moment. Try as he might all he could think about was carrying his mother's bleeding body into the hospital. He kept replaying the events in his mind. He heard Gemma's voice calling to him at the last possible moment. He looked up and saw his mother throwing her own body against his as gunfire erupted.

Opie reached out and touched Jax's shoulder. He was more than a little concerned about his best friend's state of mind. "Jax?"

Jax snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Opie. He saw the concerned look on Opie's bearded face.

Opie was taken aback by the hollow stare he was greeted with. He'd never seen Jax like this before. "Did you hear anything that I said?"

Jax nodded. "Yeah, I heard you, Ope. I was just thinking. Thanks for getting that set up man. Did Piney give you any trouble about going back to the club?"

Opie said, "He argued a little but I convinced him that I needed him at the club to help protect the families. That finally got the old man to agree."

"Good. I don't want him out there making himself a target. I saw the way he looked after they took Gemma away for surgery. He wanted to go find some Russians," said Jax.

"He's got an AK and a bottle of Whiskey at the club. He's alright now. Mary is there to get on his nerves and fuss at him."

Jax nodded in thought. He said, "It is too dangerous for any of the women to go out to get any supplies. Send a couple of the prospects out to do that."

"Already got it covered, man. Tara and my mom sat down and worked out a list. I sent V-Linn and Filthy Phil to the store to pick everything up. The families are secure, Jax. You have my word on that."

"I trust you, Ope," said Jax. He stood up and ran a frustrated hand over his short hair.

Opie decided to try again. "Any news on Gemma?"

Jax said, "She is in post op. I won't be able to see her until they move her up to the ICU in a couple of hours. Everything I need to do will have to be run from here. I'm not leaving her here until I have to."

"She going to be okay?" asked Opie.

Gemma was like a second mother to him. She had been a part of his life since he was born. Gemma looked out for him and cussed him out when he needed it. The idea of losing her was something Opie didn't think he could process right now.

"She lost a lot of blood and they might have to remove her left kidney. The surgeon said that she is stable and he's cautiously optimistic. Whatever the fuck that means. Just medical double speak to cover his ass in case she takes a turn for the worst and dies. The doctor said she should wake up from the anesthesia soon. Mom was lucky. The second bullet was really close to hitting her heart. A couple of inches to the left and…" Jax trailed off not wanting to finish that sentence.

"That is good news, man. There was an angel watching over her today. The rest of the guys will be glad to hear that. They are all worried about her," Opie replied

"Yeah, I guess. She risked her life trying to save me. I was so distracted planning my next move with Chibs that I didn't see anything. I didn't hear anything…until it was too late. I don't even know how she knew. I just keep thinking about something she said to me in the cemetery earlier. Mom said she'd do whatever she had to do to protect me because I am her son. And she did…she took three bullets…"

"She's your mother. Me and Mary have our shit but you think she wouldn't take a bullet for me if push came to shove? We're all they've got man. We're all they've got," said Opie.

"Clay is my biological father," said Jax.

Jax didn't bother looking in Opie's direction. He just needed to say it out loud to someone. And he trusted Opie enough to tell him the truth.

Opie's eyes widened slightly. He tilted his head to one side like he was trying to see if Jax was joking around. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Mom told me yesterday at the house. Before all of this shit went sideways. She told me that she got pregnant with me while my Pops was still in prison. The three of them agreed that JT would raise me as his own."

Opie just stood there stunned not sure what to say about the situation. He shook his head. Opie's lips twitched into a small smile. "I always wondered where you got that blonde hair from."

Jax chuckled a little. "Fuck you, Ope."

Opie put an arm around Jax's shoulders and said, "I would but then you wouldn't respect me anymore. So, I guess when I call you a bastard now I am accurately describing you."

Jax just chuckled a little and pushed Opie away. He had a seat in the uncomfortable chair again and tried to relax. The tension was vibrating through his body even though he'd just shared a laugh with his best friend. "Keep what I told you between us. I don't want anyone else to know right now."

"I won't say a word, Jax. I am guessing that is why your face looks like that?" asked Opie.

Jax chuckled. "Yeah, you could say that I didn't take the news well. I fought with Clay last night. Mom put a gun to his head. You know, wholesome family fun."

Opie just laughed and shook his head. "When did Roosevelt finish questioning you?" asked Opie. He had a seat in the chair next to Jax.

Jax shook his head. "I got here about an hour ago. Just in time for them to tell me that Mom made it through the surgery."

"What about Clay?" asked Opie.

"He's out of surgery but they had to put him on a ventilator. The doctor said the chances of him coming back off of the ventilator are slim to none. He suggested that I get Clay's affairs in order. I don't even know how to do that. Mom knows all of that shit. I guess at some point I will have to go to the house and look for the life insurance shit. Just don't feel it right now. I just found out that he was my father and now he's going to die."

"I'm sorry, Jax. I know all of this is hitting you at one time. These Russian pricks went after your family hard. Tried to take you out, too. We've got to make a big statement," said Opie.

"I don't want a statement. I want to wipe them off the face of the fucking Earth. They went after the President and Vice President of this club. I want this retaliation to be felt all over NorCal. When I get done all I want is scorched Earth as far as the eye can see. I am going to bring it to the table tonight. Anyone that wants to bow out can. Because what we are about to embark on isn't going to be clean. We are going to get bloody," said Jax.

Opie looked at the rage playing over Jax's features. "You really think any of the guys are going to walk away from this? They hit our club. They killed Miles and maybe Clay. They nearly killed a woman we all love and look at as a mother. They don't walk away from this. It is time for a little bloodletting."

"I just want to make sure they are going into this with their eyes wide open. I don't want to leave anything standing when I am through, Ope. We need intel on as many Russian safehouses as we can get."

"I can reach out to some of our people. And I can get Juice into doing property searches. We are bound to find something, but if we really want the upper hand we might need to call our new friends from south of the border. They've got connections that we need right now," said Opie.

"I got a call from Alvarez earlier offering his condolences. And to let me know that the Russians hit one of his warehouses this afternoon. I managed to get Romeo's number from him then. I've already put in a call to him. He's going to meet me here at the hospital's chapel. I need you to call the other chapters. Let them know what went down and tell them that I want the top two from every chapter from here to Washington here in Charming by tomorrow."

Opie raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Jax didn't just want blood he wanted an all out war. Opie couldn't argue with that sort of thinking. He was ready to do whatever was necessary. "I'll get on that now. I am going to head back over to the club. Do you need anything? New clothes?"

Jax looked down at his clothes. His t-shirt and jeans were stained with Gemma's blood. He was sure that some of it was from earlier in the day when he'd found Clay. Gemma's blood was still staining his hands. He was sure he looked like a psychopath to the casual observer but he didn't care.

He shook his head. "Nah, I don't need any clothes. I'm good. I'll give you a call after I talk to Romeo."

Opie stood up. "Actually, I'd like to be there when you talk to Romeo. If that is alright with you."

Opie wanted Jax to know that he wasn't in this alone. He could see the wheels turning in his head. He could see that his best friend was not himself. Jax was the leader of this club for the first time and he would need help. He couldn't do this on his own.

Jax stood up and hugged Opie. "I definitely want you here, Brother. I am going to need your help in all of this."

* * *

Two hours later Jax sat in the ICU watching Gemma. It was a relief to see her breathing on her own. Clay wasn't that lucky. She had only briefly awakened from the anesthesia and now Gemma was fast asleep again.

There was a light knock on the door and then Opie walked into the room. "He's here, Jax."

Jax nodded slightly. He leaned down, kissed Gemma's cheek, and squeezed her hand. "I'll be back soon, Mom."

Opie said, "Quinn is here in the hallway. I asked if he'd be willing to stand guard outside of the room. I know the Russians weren't after Gemma but it is better to be safe than sorry."

Jax nodded. "Good idea, Ope. I am already sorry. And they will be, too."

He walked out of the room with Opie. Jax walked over to Quinn and hugged him. "Thanks for coming down, Quinn."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, Brother. The Nomads are here to do whatever you need, Jax," said Quinn, patting Jax's back.

Jax said, "I appreciate it. We'll talk later."

Opie walked with Jax to the elevator. "Romeo and his guys are waiting for us in the chapel. You sure about this?"

Jax hit the button for the 3rd floor. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Opie."

When the elevator reached the third floor they walked toward the chapel. There were three men hanging around the door casually acting as security. They moved and opened the door for Jax and Opie to enter the room.

Romeo and Luis were seated in the chapel and stood up when the guys walked into the room. Romeo stepped forward first and offered Jax his hand.

"I am sorry to hear about your sorrows. If there is anything that we can do…let us know," said Romeo.

Jax shook Romeo and Luis's hands.

"Thank you, Romeo. That is actually why I asked you here tonight. I need a favor from you. I need the location of a couple of Russian safehouses," said Jax.

Romeo had a seat in one of the pews and motioned for Jax to join him. "How many?"

Luis and Opie sat in the pew behind them and watched the two men talk.

"As many as you can find. I will be sure to repay you for the favor. We'll reduce the price on two of your next shipments," said Jax, laying his cards on the table.

He didn't want to haggle. He wanted information to put the Russians into the ground.

Opie reached over the pew and handed Romeo a slip of paper with the reduced price written down. The guys had church earlier in the evening and decided on the price they'd be willing to give the cartel in exchange for the information.

Romeo looked at the price and then handed it to Luis with a nod of his head.

Romeo said, "I can do that. How soon do you need this information?"

"As soon as possible. Your next shipment comes in tomorrow. Happy and Chibs will work with you on the details for the hand off," said Jax.

"I will get back to you some time tonight with the addresses you are looking for. Do you need anything else?" asked Romeo.

Jax shook his head. "That is all we need."

Romeo stood up and said, "You'll be hearing from me soon."

Jax stood up and shook Romeo's hand. "I'll be looking forward to your call."

Romeo and Luis exited the chapel leaving Jax and Opie alone.

Jax asked, "Has Juice made any headway?"

"It is like an Easter Egg hunt going through the financials for all of the shell companies the Russians use. He is having a hard time finding anything other than business addresses. The sheriff is going to be on the club's ass. He is going to expect retaliation from us. We need to keep him and his deputies way the fuck out of our business," said Opie.

"We'll just have to keep him busy with other things. A couple of meth labs go boom in his county and he is going to have to pay attention to that. Look at it as SAMCRO doing its community service for the month. And when I saw boom…I want it to look like the Fourth of July, Ope," said Jax.

Opie smiled slightly. "I will cook up something truly spectacular. The police will be busy for days sorting through what's left of the meth labs. The Pres and V.P. from all of the chapters should be rolling into town tomorrow around 3:00."

Jax nodded. "Good, I want the other chapters to know about the can of worms I am about to open with my next move. Once we do this the Russians are going to come back at us. It might put the other chapters in a bad spot."

"They'll understand why you are doing what you are doing. An attack like this doesn't just go in the face of SAMCRO…it makes the entire club look bad. Trying to assassinate the President and Vice President? That just can't stand by anyone's standards. I can't think of a brother that would disagree," said Opie.

"Do you think that you can be a_wartime consigliere_?" asked Jax, with a small smile.

Opie chuckled softly thinking back to the movie they'd fell in love with as little boys. There was something about organized crime that both boys fell in love with at an early age.

"Jax, are you asking me to be your Tom Hagen? And does that make you Sonny or Michael?"

"Considering Sonny didn't survive through the first movie. I think I will take Michael. But all joking aside… if I am going to be sitting at the head of that table I want you there next to me as my V.P., Ope. I can't do this without you."

Opie smiled at him. "I'm in."

Jax hugged Opie and pulled back with a smile. "Glad to hear it, Brother. How are Tara and the kids?"

Jax hadn't seen his wife or children since that afternoon.

"They are doing good. The kids are content and Tara is on the ball getting everything organized. You'd be proud of her, Man. When I left the club earlier she had the ladies working on dinner. She is taking everything in stride. You should probably call her later. She is worried about you."

"I am not going to bother with calling her. I can't say anything real to her over the phone. Once I know things are settled down here I will head over to the club for a bit and talk to Tara in person," Jax explained.

More than that he wanted to be able to put his arms around his wife. She was the only thing that was keeping him sane at the moment. Knowing that he had to stay alive for Tara and his kids was the only reason he wasn't out in the middle of the street telling the Russians to come for him. He'd get his revenge but it would be smart and it would spill as little Sons' blood as possible.

Jax looked at his watch and said, "I am going to go back to the ICU and see Clay."

Opie nodded. "I am going to call the club and make sure everything is still locked down tight there. I'll meet you in the ICU."

Jax nodded and clapped Opie on the back before exiting the chapel.

When Jax arrived in Clay's room he was taken aback by the sight before him. The once larger than life figure was laying helplessly in a hospital bed with a ventilator doing his breathing for him. Jax instantly flashed back to his childhood when John was in the ICU on a ventilator. The rhythmic whooshing of air seemed so robotic to him.

He walked over to the bed not sure what to do or say. He'd told Clay to stay away from him last night. He had said a lot of hateful things to Clay last night. But even through his hatred and pain he'd heard the man loud and clear. All he'd ever really wanted was for Jax to love him.

And as a child Jax had loved Clay dearly. But his teenage years were filled with tragedy and angst. And their relationship as step-father and step-son was antagonistic by nature. Jax was resisting Clay at every turn. With John being dead the last thing he was going to do was let Clay take his place. Jax was unwilling and perhaps unable to betray his father's memory. The memory of John Teller was the only thing he had left. Thus, their struggle began.

Jax had a seat next to Clay's bed and watched the machine breathing for him. He marveled at how shortsighted the club had been to have not seen the retaliation on the horizon.

"You know, I don't hate you, Clay. And despite what I said last night. I know that you took out JT because he was a rat. He turned on his own club and the only remedy for that is death. I hate you for keeping the truth from me but I won't lie and say that I would have taken the news any better before now. I don't know if you can hear me or not. I don't know how this shit works but I want you to know that I do love you. And I always have. You've always been there for me even when I was a surly prick and didn't want you to be. The doctors say that they don't think that you are going to walk out of here. And that hurts more than I ever thought it would. I'm not just losing a brother and an uncle. I am also losing a father I never really got the chance to know. But I want you to know that despite fighting you at every turn I've learned a lot from you and I will protect my family and my club. And I will slaughter every Russian I come across."

The door opened and an older gentleman walked into the room carrying a bible. "Oh, I am sorry. I am the hospital chaplain, Chris. I didn't know that anyone was in here."

Jax stood up and said, "That's fine. I was done here anyway."

"Well, I was going to say a prayer for Mr. Morrow. Would you like to stay and pray with me?" Chris asked.

Jax shook his head. "No thank you, Father."

"It might bring you some peace, Son," said Chris.

"I don't want peace," said Jax, he walked out of the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Tara knocked on the double doors leading to the chapel at the club. She was more than a little worried about Jax. He disappeared behind those doors as soon as he arrived at the club a couple hours ago. Her heart ached knowing that the man she loved was in so much pain. Jax was facing the prospect of becoming an orphan. No matter how old you get the idea of being utterly alone in the world was painful and terrifying.

Parents, or at least good parents, provided a sort of unconditional love that was comforting and could not be duplicated. The love of a wife and children were no substitute but they could help you get through the hard days.

"Come in."

She pushed the doors open with one hand and carried a plate in on the other. Tara walked over to Jax and kissed his bearded face. She set a sandwich and chips in front of him and had a seat in the chair to his left.

She gently squeezed his hand. "I know that you might not be hungry but you need to eat something. You can't think straight without something in your stomach. Is there anything I can do for you, baby?"

He shook his head and finally turned his attention to Tara. "Thanks for the food. Where are the boys?"

"They're with Mary. She has been helping me out by keeping an eye on the boys. It gives her something to do rather than just being worried and twiddling her thumbs."

Jax popped a chip into his mouth and added, "And driving Piney crazy."

Tara chuckled softly. "That too. The woman has a unique affect on Piney. Mary can get him from 0 to 90 and less than a minute. Before you know it they are arguing about something or nothing. But you haven't answered my question."

He shook his head and looked into her eyes. "There isn't anything that anyone can do for me. You are doing what I need most right now which is making sure things are running smoothly here. Ope says that with Mary's help you've got all of the food and sleeping arrangements situated for the lockdown. Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you, Tara."

Jax took her hand and kissed it softly.

"You'll never have to find out because I am not going anywhere. I know you are going through hell right now. I want to do anything I can to make this easier on you, Jax. I want you to know that you are not alone."

She knew how devastation could push his buttons. Tara had seen the carnage Jax could cause when he was on a rampage. But this couldn't be one of those times. He had to be collected. He had to be smart. Tara thought back to one of her many conversations with Gemma. The older woman had warned her that she needed to be Jax's rock and his guiding force. The life of the outlaw took so much out of these men. At the end of the day they needed a strong woman to build them up after the outside world had torn them down.

Tara tucked her hair behind her ears and squeezed Jax's hand again. "I've been thinking about my decision to give you J.T.'s letters to Maureen. I'm sorry if you think that was the wrong decision."

Jax gave her a confused look. He reached out and gently cupped her chin. "Why would you say that? What happened to Clay and my mother had nothing to do with those letters. It was a truth that I needed to know. I am an adult. I don't need anyone protecting me from the truth."

"No, I know that. I just meant that…maybe you wouldn't have been fighting with them when all of this went down. I know that it is weighing heavy on you."

"Don't take that burden onto yourself. Those letters are probably the only thing that saved my mother's life," said Jax.

"What do you mean?" It was Tara's turn to be confused.

"If it weren't for the fighting my mother would have been at home with Clay that night. They would have killed her right along with Clay and I'd be worse off than I am right now. As it stands my mother is going to survive. Her injuries are bad but she is stable and the doctors are more optimistic today than they were yesterday. She is getting stronger. Losing one of them is tragic but losing both would have been…"

She gave a smile as her eyes watered. Tara hadn't given that situation any thought. "Speaking of Gemma's recovery I've been keeping track of her progress with the doctors when I have the chance. She's breathing on her own now without any trouble. That is really good news, Jax. I know leaving her at the hospital was hard for you but Gemma is going to pull through."

"She's a fighter…always has been. She taught me to be one too. When Thomas died she held all of us up even though I know she was heartbroken. I never really understood how she did it. I didn't understand how she could hold it together under all that grief and pain. But she knew that we needed her strength more than she needed to grieve at the time. I never thought that I could do that until yesterday. I thought that I might collapse under the weight of my own grief but I couldn't because I knew that there were too many people counting on me. There were too many people who needed me to be a leader."

"You've always been strong, Jax. I knew that even when we were teenagers. You were a born leader and you will protect your family and this club. Of that I have no doubt."

"After finding out the truth about J.T. in Belfast I started to wonder if I was my father's son. He was a loving man but he was a weak man. He was a man that lacked the confidence of his own convictions. He was unhappy in his club so he scrawled his manic depressive thoughts in a journal and in letters but remained impotent and ineffective within the club. He was unhappy in his marriage so he neglected his duties as a father and a husband and started a second family with a different woman on a different continent. And sometimes I feel his weakness seeping out in me. I can feel the good and the bad tugging at me trying to force me to make a decision. Instead I stand in the middle and try to play both sides. But you can't do that…I once told Opie's wife, Donna, that he couldn't be half in and half out. That kind of shit gets you killed. You have to have the dedication to this life. There can be no second guessing. There can be no indecisiveness. You have to chart a course and deal with what comes your way. I sat at Gemma's bedside last night and I knew what needed to be done and there was clarity in that. There was peace in knowing what sort of leader I am meant to be. I am not my father. You wanted full-disclosure in our relationship…so here it goes. The next few days are going to be hell. Death, arrests, and retaliation. Everything is a possibility right now. All I know is that what the Russians started…I am going to finish."

Tara took his face into her hands and kissed him lovingly. "Then you do what you have to do and know that your family is waiting for you. The prince had to grow up sometime."

He smiled wistfully and gently tangled his fingers in her dark hair. Jax returned her kiss passionately and pushed his food out of the way. "I'm suddenly not very hungry…for food at least."

Tara smiled looking into his eyes. She walked over to the doors and locked them. The blinds were already closed because Jax had wanted privacy when he arrived.

She pulled off the black studded tank top she was wearing and tossed it on to the table. Her bra soon followed. "Let's make this one count."

Jax chuckled and stood up taking off his cut. "You don't have to tell me twice."

* * *

Jax walked into the chapel and looked at the men assembled before him. Some of them had come only a few miles and others had travel for hours to get there. No matter the distance traveled they were all there for one reason…to hear him speak about the future of the club. His club. No longer was Jax the V.P. there to cosign on Clay's ideas or inject a little sanity into heated discussions. This was his ship and it was his responsibility to right it.

"This club is my life. SOA is all I have ever known. Some of you are old timers and knew my old man. Some of you are younger and never met him. But the thing that we all have in common is this brotherhood. The Russians made a risky play for all the marbles. They wanted to take out Clay and me to leave the club headless. They wanted us to bend to their whims and give in to whatever bullshit gun deal they have in mind in exchange for peace. Well, they fucked up because here I stand ready to go to war. And that is what this will be…WAR! I want to wipe them out. Not just as revenge but as a message for ever organization, gang, or MC out there. Don't fuck with us because we will kill with impunity to protect what is ours. We are about to walk into the pits of hell. There will not be an element of surprise. The Russians will know that we are going to retaliate. They are waiting on it. The only thing we have in our favor is to make our first strike a crushing blow and then fend off whatever is left of them. I called all of you here today because there will be blow back from what I am planning. They won't just target SAMCRO…they will go after other charters in NorCal and surrounding areas. I am not asking anyone to join us that does not want to. I just wanted all of you to know that you need to watch your backs."

Jax nodded to Opie.

Opie stood up. "We have a plan of action worked out. We have the locations of several Russian safe houses and the location of a few business fronts. Tomorrow night we make our move on the best looking targets. Kill what we can and destroy the buildings. All we want left behind is a charred memory. If this ain't your flavor then you are free to go right now. We won't hold it against you. If you are in…know the risks of what we are about to do."

Jax said, "Take some time to think about what we've said here. Contact your charters back home and fill them in. We'll reconvene in two hours."

He picked up the gavel and adjourned the meeting.

The men slowly filed out of the chapel leaving behind Jax, Opie, Chibs, Tig and Happy. The other members of SAMCRO had other orders from Jax even before the meeting began.

Opie asked, "What do you think they are going to do?"

Jax chuckled. "If they are smart…they will run as far away from Charming as they can and protect what they have at home."

Tig smirked. "If they were smart they wouldn't be SOA."

Opie said, "I think about half will want to stay and help us with the Russians. I was reading faces while you were talking. I think a lot of them want to help send this message. We might be a group of separate organizations but we are the founding charter and those assholes tried to kill a member of the first nine. That sort of thing doesn't go unanswered."

Jax said, "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

He glanced at his watch. "I am going to go to the hospital. I'll be back before we get started."

Opie said, "You shouldn't ride alone. I'll come with."


	9. Chapter 9

Jax and Opie walked into the ICU at St. Thomas Hospital. The young president was learning this area of the hospital very well. He looked to Opie. "I think I am going to stop by to see my mom first. You coming?"

He clapped Jax on the back and with a nod of his head said, "Yeah."

As they were about to enter Gemma's room they found that it was empty. Jax tried to remain calm but he felt panic starting to rise in him. He spun around quickly and strode toward the nurses' station. "Where is Gemma Teller-Morrow?"

A blond nurse frowned and said, "Please, wait right here."

She disappeared from behind the nurses' desk and took off in the other direction.

The urgency she displayed was not encouraging to Jax at the moment. He could only guess a couple of reasons why Gemma was no longer in her hospital room. He could only hope that his mother's new residence wasn't in the morgue.

Opie could sense Jax's line of thought and shook his head. "You don't know until you know. We'll freak out after we find out what is going on. If it was bad we would have heard from someone by now, right?"

Jax saw the logic in that but he wasn't feeling very logical right now. He couldn't take too much more bad news. He'd received enough this week to last him a life time. He was now terrified that the woman he'd been screaming at just days ago was dead.

A few minutes later the petite nurse rounded the corner with two doctors and a nurse administrator in tow. She slipped behind the desk glad that the doctors would have to do the heavy lifting on this one.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Parker. Mr. Teller, your mother has been rushed back into surgery. We've had the nurses trying to contact you but haven't gotten any answer. We had to proceed without your permission because it was in the patient's best interest."

Jax was a little relieved to hear that Gemma was in surgery that was better than the alternative. He frowned realizing that he'd never turned his cell phone back on after chapel. Everyone was required to turn off their cell phones and leave them out on the pool table before entering the chapel. It was a precaution they all took to ensure that no one could record their meetings. "What happened? Why did she need surgery?"

"We assessed the patient and found that her kidney was damaged beyond repair. She was bleeding internally. It was decided the removing her left kidney was the best way to keep her stabilized. She should be out of surgery in a couple of hours. Most people can have a normal functioning life with one kidney," said Dr. Parker.

Jax nodded slightly. "Have her chances changed any?"

Dr. Parker gave a warm smile and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Your mother's condition has improved greatly today. She woke up briefly before we had to take her in for surgery. That is very promising news. I expect that she will make a full recovery."

Jax blinked. "Way to bury the lead. My mother woke? For how long? Did she say anything?"

Dr. Parker cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. Yes, your mother regained consciousness 30 minutes before she was rushed to surgery. The patient was alert and successfully completed a mental acuity test. She asked for you but as I said…we were unable to get in touch with you."

"I must have accidentally turned off my phone. I'm sorry about that. Thank you," Jax said.

As the doctors walked away Opie looked at Jax and said, "Looks like Gemma is hanging in there for now. Can't ask for much more than that in this situation. Want to check in on Clay?"

Jax nodded. "Yeah. We can't stay long. I want to get back to the club and see what the other brothers are saying. We need to lock down on how many bodies we will have tomorrow night before we start finalizing plans."

Opie nodded in agreement and walked with Jax to Clay's ICU room. There was a doctor in the room examining him.

Jax asked, "How is he?"

The doctor turned her head and smiled. "He is off the ventilator. We believe that he will be able to breathe on his own and doesn't need it anymore. I am sure you've been informed that the longer a patient is on a ventilator the less likely it is that they will be successfully taken off of it."

Opie's eyes widened at that information. They'd all assumed that the old man was on his way out on a permanent basis. Opie looked at Jax to see where his best friend was at.

Jax was dumbfounded. "So he's getting better. I mean he might come out of this?"

The doctor quickly said, "I do not want give you false hope, Mr. Teller. Your step-father is still very much in critical condition and he can make a turn at any moment. However, for now we feel as though he is making positive progress. He is breathing on his own and we're giving him oxygen to keep his blood oxygen at a stable level. We'd like to keep him in the mid-90's. Do you have any questions?"

Jax shook his head. "No. Thank you."

Once the doctor was out of the room Opie turned his attention to Jax. "That is good news to take back to the club. Looks like they might both pull through."

"Yeah. We need someone here keeping eyes on them. I don't care what the hospital said about ICU being only for approved visitors. I am going to get a couple of guys to stay in that waiting room and if they see anything they can report back. I don't like that I was out of reach for so long today," said Jax.

"Quinn volunteered some of his guys for that mission. I am sure that he'd volunteer them again. It'd be good keeping eyes and ears here. Besides…we don't know if the Russians would be stupid enough to make another move on Clay or not."

* * *

Romeo and Luis sat at an abandoned bar in Oakland. The men paid off the owner earlier in the day to give them some privacy. They were waiting for an informant and couldn't take the chance of him being seen meeting with them. Blowing his cover at this stage in the game could prove deadly.

When they'd first approached the man he'd vehemently resisted their advances. He was fiercely loyal to his club. However, as always Romeo was able to find a point of weakness and pressed on it until the guy reluctantly complied. It took time but after 12 months their informant was proving to be incredibly useful.

Romeo glanced at his watch and looked to Luis. "It doesn't take that long to get here from Charming. What the hell is holding him up? I don't have all day."

Luis puffed slowly on a cigar and replied, "He said that there was some sort of meeting with his club that he had to attend. Maybe that took longer than he thought. Do you want me to call him, Romeo?"

The older man shook his head. "Not yet. We'll give him another 30 minutes before we make any calls. I just want to get this over with. I need to know what the hell is going on and how we can get in front of it."

"It might be better if we just move on the situation before the club gets the chance to do anything. Eliminate the threat and then we don't have to worry about them screwing up our plans."

Romeo's head moved from side to side as if he was weighing those options. "The young one is impulsive. It might be better to see where his head is at. Yesterday the trauma was new. He might be in a better place today."

Luis drank the last of his beer and nodded. "That would be best for everyone concerned. We need to make this meeting with the Irish shotcallers happen soon. Mateo says that our hardware is running a little low back at the home base."

"We need to put a contingency in place just in case it goes in the other direction," Romeo ordered.

"I'll get the guys started on something. We might be able to roll up the Russian operation before the club can get to them."

As Luis was about to get up to make a phone call there was a knock on the backdoor. The backdoor was just off the alleyway. Their contact had been given instructions to come in through that door to avoid being seen on the street. The Sons had plenty of contacts in the Oakland area.

Luis stood up and took his gun off safety just to be on the safe side. "That'll be our guy."

Romeo nodded and headed over to a booth across the room. "Let him in so that we can get this over with."

Luis peered out of the backdoor and saw a man in his early 40's in a dark black hoodie. He opened the door and let the man into the bar. "Took you long enough."

Rick Jameson unzipped his hoodie revealing a Sons of Anarchy cut. "The meeting took longer than I expected. My charter voted unanimously to stay behind and help SAMCRO."

"Come on into the bar. Romeo is going to want to hear all about this."

Luis locked the back door and led the red-haired biker into the main area of the bar where Romeo was waiting for them.

Rick followed Luis to the booth and had a seat across from Romeo.

The older man quirked an irritated eyebrow at the biker. "So?"

"Jax and Opie have a plan to go after the Russians. They are taking the intel they've gathered and are planning to lay waste to as much of the organization as they can," Rick revealed to his handlers.

Luis had recruited Rick as an asset/informant because of his close relationship with SAMCRO. His uncle was a member of the First Nine. He had a close relationship with Piney Winston. That status allowed Rick to be more plugged into the mother charter than the other brothers from different charters.

Romeo frowned but remained calm for the moment. "What do they have planned?"

Rick shook his head. "Full armored assault with an incineration chaser. Opie is their demo man so he's got the know how to turn whatever places they hit into craters. It is going to be a blood bath. I stuck around a bit to hear what some of the other charters were saying. Looks like most of them are going to stay behind to take on the Russians."

That was not what Romeo wanted to hear. If the club went whole hog on this there would be no way to keep Jax and the rest of SAMCRO out of prison. For the moment they were vitally important to his mission south of the border. "Is there any way to talk Jax down from this? Maybe say that the Russians will be waiting on an attack?'

Rick shook his head. "Jax knows that the Russians are going to be waiting and he doesn't care. This is going down whether they are standing at the door with AK-47s or not."

"What if he lost some backing from the rest of his brothers? He's not crazy enough to go into this without sufficient manpower. I never took him to be a fool," said Luis.

"You guys aren't hearing me. This might as well be set in stone. No amount of convincing is going to make the brothers back down from this retaliation. An attack like this makes all of the charters look weak. And it wouldn't matter if Jax had to strap on a bazooka and do this himself. They fucked up. Trying to take out the President of the founding charter? Accidentally shooting the V.P.'s mother? The only way this goes down is bloody. Got word that they are going to dip into the high end shit the Irish supplies them with. Tomorrow night is going to look like World War III started right here in Northern California."

Romeo stood up and motioned for Luis to follow him. Once they were out of earshot he said, "Call every contact we have. Someone in the alphabet soup has to have eyes and ears on Putlova and his crew. We need Putlova behind bars. That won't stop SAMCRO from retaliating but it will take them a few days to regroup and the hit won't be on the scale that it is now. The fallout will be more manageable."

Luis nodded. "I'll get on it now. Shaw in the bureau owes us a favor. I'll start with him."

* * *

Jax sat at the redwood table and watched as members from more than a dozen charters filed into the cramped room. He tried to read the faces in the crowd but their expressions were as stony as his was.

Once everyone was in the room Filthy Phil closed the doors and stood guard on the outside. No one unwelcome was getting through that door.

Opie glanced at Jax a moment before looking back at the crowd of men. He wondered what kind of manpower they'd be working with. This only worked out if they had a heavy presence.

Jax hit the gavel against the table and started the meeting. "Earlier, I told all of you what this club was getting itself into. I gave all of you the chance to talk about it amongst your brothers here and your brothers back at home. I will not take it as an offense if any of you want to beg off of this mission. We're still brothers and I understand your need to protect what is yours because that is what SAMCRO is doing right now. We are protecting what is ours. If you are leaving there is no need to explain. So, we are going to make this simple. If you are staying give me a show of hands."

A moment after Jax finished speaking, without hesitation, every hand in the room went up.

A shit eating grin spread over Tig's face knowing that things were about to get very interesting and very bloody. He slammed his fist on the table and said, "I for one can't wait to start killing those grubby Russian pricks!"

Murmurs of approval went up from the crowd as well as a few years.

Opie nodded to Juice and they unrolled a couple of maps and laid them out on the table. "The circled location on each of these maps represents a Russian safehouse or business front. We will be taking each of these places out tomorrow. We'll split into 5 groups and each take a location."

"No one walks out of any of these buildings alive. You mow down as many as you can with ammo and Opie's little presents will take care of the rest. We picked places that are off the beaten path so response time for the police should be slower. The warehouse is the most important target. They house their guns and dope there," Jax explained.

Tig said, "We got that piece of information from Lenny the Pimp so we know that it is good."

Jax said, "The PD has been up our asses since the shooting outside of the hospital. We are going to need a couple of people to volunteer for a night in the county jail. You can't be on probation or anything like that. We just want you in on a disorderly charge. Nothing that will keep you in for more than a night. We need them to be busy enough that they don't follow us when we ride out of Charming tomorrow night. So as we are leaving we need a good distraction at the Hairy Dog."

Murmurs and chuckles went up from the crowd and more than a few men raised their hands for the task of distracting the cops. It'd be a lot of fun and it was a necessary evil.

Chibs said, "I need some guys to go with me tonight to pick up our gun stash. We are going to need every piece of heavy artillery we can get our hands on if we are going after these bastards. We'll drop our stash off at the reservation and leave it there until tomorrow night."

Several more men raised their hands to volunteer for that mission.

Jax nodded his head and said, "The ones helping Chibs go ahead and leave. It is a long trip to pick up our inventory. We need to move it closer to home sooner rather than later."

The men that volunteered followed Chibs out of the room.

Jax stood back with a smirk as Opie began explaining the details of the plan they brainstormed earlier in the day. This attack on the Russians was going to work out. He'd get the revenge he was looking for. It was the aftermath that Jax needed to be concerned with now. How could he keep his club safe after blowing up a hornets' nest? They would be gunning for the Sons and the club would be the first place they hit.

He was starting to think the families being on lock down at the club wasn't the best idea.


	10. Chapter 10

The next afternoon Jax sat quietly in the Teller-Morrow office with Abel sitting on his lap. He looked over watching Tara cradle their infant son and smiled.

In a matter of hours he would be embarking on what most people would classify as a suicide mission. Jax understood the likelihood of his death and that didn't deter him one bit. His only concern was what his family would do in the event of his demise.

Tara bit her tongue in an attempt to hold back the flood of tears that were threatening to fall. She wanted to be strong for Jax but her confidence was shot after hearing the particulars of what he'd be doing tonight. She was certain that by the end of the night he'd be dead or in jail.

She groaned helplessly as the tears started to flow against her will. Tara closed her eyes refusing to look at Jax. She couldn't see the concern on his face. She wanted to be angry. She had the right to be angry.

"You know that I have to do this, Tara. There is no way around this," Jax explained.

He reached out and lightly cupped her chin.

She shook his hand off of her face and said, "What I know is that I just got done being a single mother and I'm not ready for it to be a permanent state of being. Those months with you in prison were nearly impossible, Jax. I'm supposed to do that again until the boys are adults?"

Jax ran a tired hand over his face. He wanted to be angry at Tara but she had a right to her feelings. He was putting her in a terrible position. "You knew the deal when we got together, Tara. You knew what my life could be like. You weren't coming into this thing blind."

"The deal?" asked Tara incredulously.

"You aren't some novice to the outlaw life, Tara. You might not know all of the ends and outs but you've been around long enough to know that prison sentences and death are a part of the package. I told you yesterday that I was going to have to go nuclear on this and you were on my side," said Jax.

He let Abel down off his lap and watched as the little boy ran over to a toy fire truck.

She sniffled and glared at him. "You're right. I did know that prison and death were a part of the deal but I was under the impression that I might get a little happiness in between all of the incredible sadness. More importantly I believed you when you let me read JT's manuscript. I believed you with every fiber of my being when you told me that you wanted to go a different way."

Jax said, "You say that like it was a lie! I do want to go a different way, but that takes time. I have to deal with what is right in front of me! The Russians struck at this club and my family. What am I supposed to do, Tara? If I don't hit back they'll just keep coming and I'll end up dead anyway. At the hospital they were gunning for me. They wanted me dead. You think that changes just because they hit Miles and Gemma instead?"

Tara stood up cradling the baby in her arms and walked over to the window. She looked out seeing the guys working on various projects for the night ahead. The lot would be fortified by the time they left to hit the Russians. She only hoped it'd be enough to keep them safe if the Russians decided to retaliate.

"I don't know what I am supposed to do here. I am scared out of my mind but I know that you have to do this. I'm scared that we are going to lose you and that we'll be all alone. I was okay with this until you told me just what you and Opie have planned. It is insane and you are going to get yourselves killed," said Tara.

Jax sighed quietly and said, "When I was in prison being away from you and the kids was hardest part. I can do prison time no problem. You keep your head down and do your time. It is inconvenient but easy, but being away from you guys kept me up at night. This move isn't just about vengeance it is about protecting my family. I can't have anyone else I love catching a bullet meant for me. That could have been you in the hospital parking lot with me. The boys could have been there with me. I could have lost everything in a hail of gunfire. I've got to do what I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen again."

Tara nodded slightly but refused to look at Jax. The pain in his voice was too much. She couldn't bear to see that expression on his face. "I know."

"No matter what happens tonight you will never be alone, Tara. The thing about the club is that it is your family. They will always look out for you and the boys. It won't be the same as having me around but you won't be alone. You have my word," Jax said.

She sniffled and then laughed, "You've got to come back because I cannot get stuck taking care of your mother for the rest of her life."

Jax chuckled heartily and shook his head. "You are never getting rid of her, darling. You made the mistake of letting her decide to accept you as family. After that…she gets pretty clingy. Not to mention you are the mother of her grandsons. Come sit with me…please."

Tara laid the baby down in his carrier and had a seat next to Jax on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder and toyed with the cuff of his flannel shirt.

Jax kissed the top of her head and moved his arm around Tara pulling her in closer. He inhaled deeply taking in the scent of her shampoo. He wanted to memorize everything about this woman and this moment. "If everything goes to plan tonight I may have to drop off the radar for a little bit. The cops and the feds will me on my ass."

She asked, "Where will you go?"

He shook his head and said, "It is better that you don't know. I don't want to put you in the position of aiding and abetting a fugitive. If I am on the lam you are going to be the first person they question. I'll get in touch when I can though. Make sure you always keep the pre-pay on you."

Tara nodded slightly. "What about Gemma and Clay's conditions? I mean you're supposed to make the medical decisions. Neither of them is out of the woods. They could take a turn at any moments."

Jax said, "I had Rosen take care of that last night. I gave you power of attorney over everything and everyone. I trust you to make the right decisions. I trust you more than anyone, Tara."

She scoffed and said, "Yeah right. You and Opie have a bromance for the ages."

He chuckled and asked, "Bromance?"

"Don't be all macho. I think it is cute that you and Opie are so close. You are a badass that is still friends with his childhood buddy. I like that about you," said Tara, she interlaced their fingers and squeezed gently.

"You're right. I do love Opie. He's always been there for me but when it comes to making medical decisions for my parents and taking care of my kids…you're the only person I would trust. No matter what you go through…you never fall apart until after the shit is over and done with. If anything permanent happens to me Rosen will get in touch with you. He knows everything about my business and insurance policies."

Tara took a breath and then nodded, "Okay, but I'd really like for you to be safe so that you can come back home to us. Cashing out your insurance policy would be great but I'd rather have you."

Jax grinned and asked, "You'd rather have me? That's good to know."

Tara yawned tiredly.

He smiled and gently caressed her back. "You didn't get any sleep last night. Why don't you put your feet up and take a little nap? I'll stay awake and keep an eye on the boys."

"I only have a little time left with you. I don't want to spend it sleeping," Tara argued.

The fear that she wouldn't see him again was overwhelming. Tara was just barely holding it together.

He kissed her softly. "You won't be any use to anyone if you are exhausted later. I can guarantee that it is going to be a long night. Go ahead and close your eyes. I'll be right here when you wake up from your nap."

"Promise?"

Jax nodded and said, "I promise."

She kicked off her shoes and curled up on the worn out couch. Tara laid her head on Jax's lap and closed her eyes. "I'm just going to close my eyes for a few minutes. I doubt if I even fall asleep."

Jax lightly rubbed her arm but didn't say anything. He had no doubt that she'd be knocked out in less than ten minutes if he didn't talk to her. He closed his own eyes for a moment to think about the night ahead.

Jax had spent the majority of the day working out every painstaking detail with Opie, Tig, Chibs, Happy, and Piney. He wanted to get as many brothers back home safely as he could. More importantly he wanted to make sure that SAMCRO would live on. He couldn't let the club die with all of them so he and Opie had decided what members would have to stay behind: Piney, Juice, Chibs, and the prospects. It wasn't much but it was enough to keep SAMCRO alive no matter the outcome.

His attention shifted to Abel pushing his fire truck on the floor. Jax's life changed completely the day that Abel was born. From that point on the blond haired biker had been on a mission to try to make a better future for his son. He didn't know if he'd be around to see Abel grow older but he trusted Tara to give him and Jonathan Thomas a good life.

Jax took a small notepad and pencil from his pants' pocket. He took a breath and began writing a note he hoped his boys would never have to read. It wasn't quite as grand as JT's manuscript but it would tell them both how much Jax truly loved them.

* * *

Around 7:30 that night all of the guys were heading to their motorcycles. Others were headed to dark colored vans and cars. There was no levity or joviality in the air. Everyone was set and ready for one thing…carnage.

Jax had already said his goodbyes to his family and was seated on his bike waiting on the rest of the guys to finish their own goodbyes. He'd gone to the hospital just an hour ago to see Clay and Gemma. Neither of them were conscious but he hoped that they both felt his presence.

Opie walked over and climbed onto his own bike. "You ready, brother?"

Jax nodded and said, "I've never been more ready for anything in my life. I just hope that we run into Putlova. Nothing would make me happier than making that Russian pig beg for his life."

The bearded biker nodded and said, "Well, maybe if you've been a good little boy this year Santa Claus will grant your wish."

Jax chuckled and shook his head at Opie. No one else would get their morbid sense of humor but it damn sure amused Jax. "How's Lyla?"

"She's scared shitless. How's Tara?"

Jax laughed and said, "Pissed off and scared.''

Opie nodded and said, "Sounds about right. They try but they don't understand why we do what we do."

Jax glanced at his watch and then stood up straddling his bike. He whistled loudly to get everyone's attention. Jax motioned toward the gate signaling that it was time for everyone to ride out.

On cue engines began to rev as bikes, cars, and vans started a mass exodus off the Teller-Morrow lot. Jax and Opie were at the back of the pack and were the last to leave the lot.

Once they were gone the gate was closed and locked behind them. The club members left behind quickly set up a previously constructed blockade. They were hopeful that the structure would keep cars from breeching the lot's gate.

The massive club convoy began to split off and head in different directions. Opie and Jax were headed toward a Russian safehouse in Brentwood.

It was one of the more luxurious safehouses and it was Jax's hope that Putlova was holed up there. Their second best option was his strip club, Jellybean. They'd go looking for him there if he wasn't at the safehouse.

Jax and Opie were riding with six other bikers and a black panel van was following close behind. The van was loaded with their weapons and could be used to transport any wounded that had to abandon their bikes.

The 30 minute ride to Brentwood seemed to go by quickly for Jax. His adrenaline had him too pumped to think about anything other than destruction. Before long they were two blocks away from the safehouse. Everyone pulled into the empty parking lot of a doctor's office.

Jax climbed off his bike and nodded to a member of Rogue River, Cory. He said, "Check for cameras. If you see any…you know what to do."

Cory nodded and pulled his ski mask down over his face before taking off to explore the camera situation.

As the other brothers gathered around Jax said, "We cover the last two blocks on foot. If you hear the cops drop the guns and take off. The van will be waiting on Kercheval Street."

Cory came back and said, "There was a camera at the front but I knocked it out. We're clear."

Jax nodded and said, "Good. Alright, everyone arm up and let's go."

A guy in the back of the van started handing out guns and clips to the various brothers. Once everyone was armed he hopped out of the back of the van and asked, "How long do I wait until I take off?"

Jax said, "You wait 5 minutes from the first siren. If everyone isn't in the van by that point you take off and get the hell out of dodge."

The van driver, Oliver, nodded at Jax and climbed into the driver's seat.

Opie said, "Well, let's do this, ladies."

The group quickly and quietly made their way toward the safehouse ready to strike. However, as they approached the house they saw squad cars lining the upper middle neighborhood.

Jax tucked his gun into his waistband and waved the other guys off.

The bikers made a quick retreat to their motorcycles.

Jax kept walking toward the commotion.

Opie frowned and tucked his gun into his waistband as well. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I just want to see what is going on. You don't have to come with me. Go back, Opie," said Jax.

Opie rolled his eyes and said, "It's not like I am going to let you go by yourself."

The two men approached the scene and were directed to move across the street by a police officer.

Jax and Opie stood in the growing crowd that watched in awe as dozens of guns were carried out of the safehouse along with a massive amount of heroin.

Opie looked at Jax and asked, "What are the chances of a raid happening tonight?"

Jax shook his head and said, "I don't know but I don't like it. Call the other guys and let them know we're blown."

Opie nodded. He walked a ways away to put some space between him and the crowd.

Jax watched intently as more product and weapons were carried out of the house. His jaw clenched wondering how the hell this happened. Jax's eyes scanned the squad cars but didn't see anyone inside of them. He was beginning to think he might still have a chance to get Putlova at a different location.

Ten minutes later Opie walked back over to Jax and said, "I was able to get in contact with everyone. I told them to send one person to scout out each of the locations. If they don't like the look of things they are supposed abort and head back to TM. The group that went out to Lodi already said there were cops at their target. Tig said he was just about to call me to tell me about the situation."

Jax took out a cigarette and lit it as he watched the house intently. "We've got a fucking rat problem."

Opie shook his head and said, "You don't know that. Putlova and his crew just might have been on law enforcement's radar."

"Fuck that. Someone's been running their fucking mouth. Putlova's crew has been running drugs, pussy, and guns for years. The day we decide to give him what's coming to him his whole organization gets rolled up by the cops. It feels too clean to me."

Opie had to admit that he didn't believe it was a coincidence. However, he had no clue who would turn rat against the club. It could have just been someone not interested in dying or going to jail. Not that it mattered what the motivation was…the penalty would be the same. Jax was feeling particular antsy and unforgiving. The person responsible for this betrayal was sure to get his full wrath.

Jax looked up seeing a large inmate transport vehicle rumbling up the street. He stood straighter and his eyes shifted back to the house. Jax was waiting to see if Putlova would emerge.

Two officers got out of the inmate transport vehicle and opened the back. They stood guard waiting for the suspects to be led out of the house.

A few minutes later the police began leading handcuffed Russian thugs out of the house.

Jax began to growl seeing that Putlova was one of the suspects. He opened and closed his gloved hand in anger. It would be hard for Putlova to get bail after being found in possession of that much firepower and dope.

Opie glanced at his best from and said, "If we can't get him on the outside…we'll be sure to get him on the inside. The best thing about prison is that there's nowhere to run."

"Yeah…"


	11. Chapter 11

A week passed in what seemed like mere minutes. The club was in a flurry of activity keeping their families safe, securing their business connections, and trying to find a way to get to the Russians in prison. Jax needed a way to do this that could not be directly linked to the club. They knew SAMCRO was being watched they just weren't sure by who or for what reason.

Every day was a struggle because the families were getting restless being cooped up in the club for so long. Jax wanted to let them go home but then he would flashback to holding his mother's bleeding body in his arms as he ran into St. Thomas Hospital. That could have been any of their families. As long as he was sitting at the head of that redwood table, he wouldn't be responsible for another innocent catching a bullet. So for now everyone was in a holding pattern while Jax tried to figure out his next move.

Jax, Opie, Bobby, and Chibs sat alone in the chapel. For the time being this was the inner circle that Jax knew he could trust implicitly. Everyone else was a suspected traitor.

Chibs said, "I guess it is possible that someone was wearing a wire when you and Opie laid out the case for going after the Russians. Security wasn't as tight as it normally is when we walk through those doors. I think everyone left their cell phones outside but there aren't any guarantees."

The Scotsman tried to think back to that day, but it had all been a blur to him. His mind was on vengeance in that meeting not looking for a traitor.

Bobby said, "I was talking to Rosen about our predicament. He said the wire could be in something as plain as a wristwatch. The technology has improved so much that the rat can turn the transmitter on and off in case they are swept for bugs."

Chibs grunted, "That would make all of our preparation worth shit. We wand everyone that comes in the chapel but they know that in advance."

Opie tapped his lighter against the redwood table as if in thought. He'd been rolling the scenario around in his mind and kept coming up short. That was an uncomfortable feeling for Opie. There was no way to control the situation because they didn't know about the situation. Minimizing their risk and exposure would be impossible.

Jax looked at him curiously and quirked an eyebrow, "What are you thinking, Ope? I am happy to hear something other than what is in my own head. I feel like I've been over this a million times and I am still coming up short."

Opie shook his head replied, "Nothing. Not yet anyway. There's something about all of this I just don't understand. I feel like we're missing a piece to the puzzle."

"How do you mean, brother?" asked Bobby.

"It's just that we are saying that some form of law enforcement was listening in on the meeting and knew where and when we were going to hit the Russians. If that was the case then why did they go after them instead of arresting us? I mean that's got to be what conspiracy to commit murder, right? A better question to ask is how long have they been listening in on us?"

Jax nodded slowly and added, "If they waited until we were on the move they could have hit us with enough gun charges to keep us behind bars for the rest of our lives. I mean we were armed to the teeth. The Feds could have busted the Russians and us at the same time."

"Not just with guns, Jackie Boy. Opie and Bobby created enough goodie packs to raze a couple of the Russian spots off of the map. That should have triggered ATF being on our asses or Homeland Security. Something is off with this shite," said Chibs.

Opie nodded silently. He was glad to hear Jax, Bobby, and Chibs sharing the same concerns. He was starting to think he was becoming paranoid. At least in this scenario they were all paranoid.

"So not only do we need to find out the identity of the rat but we've got to figure out why we're not in jail. This shit just keeps getting more complicated," Jax grumbled tiredly. He ran both hands over his face feeling the weight of the world collapsing on top of him.

Opie said, "The one thing we do know is that there's a reason why we aren't in jail right now. Maybe they want something from us like that bitch, Stahl. As much as she crawled up our asses we were never really the target. Her focus was always Jimmy and the Irish. We were small potatoes in her view."

Chibs lit a cigarette and considered Opie's theory, "Seems like they would have already made contact if they wanted to put the screws to us."

Jax looked up from his hands and shook his head, "No. That makes sense. If they want us for something they'd need us out of jail and preferably not dead. They had no way of knowing what would go down if we went after the Russians. Maybe we get away with it, maybe we get locked up, or maybe we just end up fucking dead on a coroner's slab somewhere."

Bobby continued, "Or we just disappear and never are heard from again."

Chibs concurred, "Like Jimmy's right hand man, Donny. No one has found his body yet and no one ever will. The Russian do three things well: make good vodka, make good guns, and they are damn good at getting rid of corpses."

Opie asked, "So who is the traitor? One of our own? Or someone from a different chapter?"

Jax said, "The easiest way to see if we have a leak in our house is to call the guys in and tell them we're going after Putlova in jail. If he gets moved out of our reach on the inside then we'll know we have an internal problem."

Chibs nodded and said, "That still doesn't help us find the dirty fucking rat that has been working with the cops. And we need to find him because I'd like to have a very long conversation with him and my knife.''

"As much as I'd like to take apart the person who ratted piece by piece…we have more important things to accomplish. Our goal is to cut the head off the filthy fucking Russian snake. I don't just want Putlova. I want his whole organization to suffer. I want them to feel my pain," Jax calmly explained.

Opie asked, "What if the traitor is in SAMCRO? Tipping your hand about going after Putlova in jail puts him out of our reach and he can still be calling shots from jail to come after us."

Jax said, "Just a little misdirection, Ope. While the Feds are trying to protect that fat fuck, we will go after his lieutenants that were rolled up in the raids. They aren't high up enough to warrant protection in jail. Even if we can't get to Putlova now he'll feels us. That'll have to be good enough."

Chibs asked, "What do we do about the Feds that are watching us?"

"We keep an eye out. Watch what we say around the guys until we know who the rat is. There isn't much else we can do until they decide to make their presence known. Right now, we've got to focus on protecting our club and our families," said Jax.

Tara knocked on the door. "Jax, the hospital called."

Jax nodded at Chibs.

The older man got up, unlocked the door, and let Tara into the chapel. He took his seat.

Jax looked up at Tara and asked, "What's going on?"

"Jax, your mother is awake. The hospital called because she's asking for you. I know you're busy but it might be a good job to get over there and see her."

He stood up and said, "I'm heading over there now."

Tara asked, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, you stay here with the kids. I need you here to look after the families. They're getting restless. Maybe you and Lyla can come up with something to make them more comfortable."

Tara said, "We have ideas but they are going to cost you money."

Jax chuckled, "It always does. I don't care what it is. Talk to Bobby about the money."

She leaned up, kissed Jax, and then glanced over at Opie.

The bearded man chuckled and got out of his seat. "Looks like I'm going with you, brother."

Bobby looked at Tara over his glasses and asked, "What do you need?"

Tara said, "Two more televisions, a couple of gaming consoles, and some toys. I think the women would be in better spirits if their children weren't so restless. They've been here for more than a week. None of them anticipated being here that long. Also, I think that there should be an hour or two a day when the children can go outside to play. Being trapped in this musty building isn't good for anyone and it will give the women time to clean this place up. Cleanliness has been a top concern and it is hard cleaning around children and bikers."

Bobby and Chibs looked at each other. Bobby said, "Make a list of everything you and Lyla think we need. The two hours outside might not be a bad idea. All of the guys out there will be standing guard so it will be as safe as it can be."

Tara smiled and said, "Thank you. When do you think we can start this recess option?"

Chibs laughed, "I think she means she wants all of us out now."

Bobby nodded, "I'll get the kids and the guys outside so that you women can do some cleaning."

Tara smiled brightly and said, "Thank you for your help, Bobby."

She walked out into the main room and sat at the bar with Mary and Lyla.

Mary asked, "How did it go?"

"Jax told Bobby to give me whatever we needed and they're going to clear the men and kids out of the club so that we can clean."

Chibs whistled to get everyone's attention. He said, "I know the lot of you probably need to stretch your legs. We're going to take the kids outside for some laughs. We have soccer balls and basketballs. We will figure out how to have a good time. We need the men out there to work protection for the wee ones."

The kids were elated and excitedly streamed out of the doors and into the sunlight for the first time since coming to the club.

Most of the men were less enthusiastic but followed behind armed and ready for any perceived threats.

Soon enough only, the women and very small children were left in the club.

Mary nodded at Tara and said, "Go on, dear. The floor is yours."

Tara gave her a nervous look and moved to stand in the center of the room. She cleared her throat and asked, "Can I have everyone's attention?"

The women were milling around the room but quickly settled down and found seats.

"Most of you know that I'm Tara, Jax's old lady. This is only the second lockdown I've ever been a part of and it is the only one I've had to arrange. I know all of you are uncomfortable here and probably a little worried. I understand that. I want to make this place as comfortable for you and your children as I possibly can. I can only do that with your help. I know that some of you have complaints and needs. This is the time to air them. We are alone and what you say will not be held against you. If it is something I can fix then I will make it happen. If it is something that Jax can fix then I will make sure that he makes it happen. However, when this talk is done I don't want hear anymore about it. No more petty bickering, complaining, or muttering under your breath. Now the floor is open."

Tara walked back to the bar and had a seat between Mary and Lyla. He two women were now facing the group and looked at them expectantly.


	12. Chapter 12

Jax walked into Gemma's room cautiously. Earlier the doctors moved her from the intensive care unit to a regular room on the trauma floor. He was nervous about seeing her.

Tara really didn't give him any indication about Gemma's condition. He was too stunned to ask if he was honest. Gemma was still hooked up to various monitors to track her heart rate and respiration rate. It was a stark reminder that she was not out of the woods just yet. He had not even thought to ask how her injuries and the surgeries were affecting her defective heart.

Gemma's eyes opened hearing the soft whoosh of the door opening. She gave a tired smile seeing Jax in the doorway. She couldn't have been happier than to lay eyes on her son. It made the pain she was in worth it just to know that he was okay and still among the living.

She whispered, "Well, don't just stand there. Come here."

He moved to the side of her hospital bed and took her hand. Jax was fighting back tears and he wasn't altogether sure where they'd come from. He was just happy to hear her voice. Jax kissed her hand with a small smile.

"I am glad to see you awake. The next time you see someone about to shoot me don't jump in front of the bullet," Jax scolded gently.

"I can't promise you that. You are my baby boy and you always will be. If I had it to do all over again I would do the same thing. I am just happy that you are okay," Gemma whispered.

Her eyes were glassy and soon enough tears slowly slid down her cheeks. There had been a moment when she wondered if Jax had survived. It was only with stern assurances from her doctor that she didn't have a complete breakdown.

Jax shook his head, "You are so stubborn. Thank you for saving me, Mom. I'm just glad that you survived, too."

Gemma asked, "How are Miles and Chibs? Are they okay, too? The doctors didn't really know or wouldn't tell me anything about them."

She could still see the scene in her head. Jax, Chibs, and Miles were standing in a semicircle near their motorcycles. None of them were paying any attention to the ominous SUV creeping down the street. Her chest still tightened as the images replayed in her mind.

The biker's eyes saddened further and he grabbed Kleenex from the bedside table to dab away Gemma's tears. He wasn't ready to tell her there had been a casualty. There were many things about is mother that gave him pause but he knew how much she loved all of the guys in the club. They were her family as much as they were his brothers.

Gemma searched Jax's face trying to read him. She felt her heart sink. Jax didn't have to say a word and she knew the truth.

She asked, "Who?"

Jax took a breath and shook his head. He said, "Mom, you need to focus on your own recovery. Let me worry about the club. It is my job as the president."

"I want to know, Jackson. Are they hurt or dead?" asked Gemma, she prepared herself for the answer.

"Miles was killed. The doctors said that he was killed instantly. He never had a chance. The only thing that saved me was that you knocked me to the ground at just the right time. Chibs saw you coming before I did and was able to dive between two cars. You saved us," Jax declared.

She closed her eyes and swallowed harshly.

"When's the funeral?" asked Gemma.

"His family wanted the body flown back to Indianapolis. That's where they are originally from. We paid for it. The family wasn't interested in having a memorial or anything here. They didn't really approve of Miles' membership in this club. We'll do a memorial here for the club once I settle some business."

Gemma couldn't say that she blamed Miles' family. No parent should ever have to bury his or her own child. She already did that heartbreaking act once in life. She didn't think her heart could take a second go round. In those dark moments, you wanted someone to blame. Gemma blamed JT because he wasn't there as Thomas was dying.

She asked, "Business?"

Jax blew out an uneasy breath and considered not telling Gemma the truth. She was in no condition to handle the kind of stress and worry that was sure to come with what he had to say.

"The club has some debts to settle. Things are going to be a little hectic until all of that is done with, but I don't want you to worry about anything. You are safe here. Quinn has his Nomads posted here as guards. Tara and kids are safe at the club. We're on lockdown until further notice."

Gemma's eyes fluttered closed. There was nothing she could say to dissuade her son from going after the people responsible, but she was terrified he was going to get himself killed. She had just risked her life to prevent that very thing from happening. The Russians were not a group to take lightly.

"Be careful," Gemma begged.

Jax flashed a cocky grin that belied the truth, "Always. I talked to the doctor about Clay this morning. He is still breathing on his own. They had to put him on a ventilator for awhile but he is doing better. He's still in a coma though. They don't know if he's going to wake up or not."

Gemma offered a tense smile. She had been too nervous and afraid to ask about Clay's condition. Gemma feared that he might have died while she was unconscious.

"Good, I was angry that night I left the house but I didn't really want him to die. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean that I don't love him," said Gemma.

"Not together? What do you mean?"

Gemma said, "I can't go back after what happened that night, Jax. I thought he was going to kill you and he hit me. I don't see a way to come back from that but I hope he recovers. I really do."

"That feels like a lifetime ago now even though it has only been a little over a week. A lot has changed in the meantime. They had you under sedation for so long I was worried about you. I thought I was going to lose both of you and I didn't know what to do with that."

"Well, I needed a good rest. I don't think I've rested since before I gave birth to you. I feel recharged now," said Gemma, she smirked at him.

He smiled, "I don't think you are going to be running any marathons anytime soon. They had to remove your kidney. The doctor said the bullet shredded it on the way out. You were lucky that it didn't hit anything else."

She smiled, "I guess it is a good thing we come equipped with two of them or I might have been fucked, but that means if you ever need a kidney transplant I'm not an option. I probably wouldn't be a match for you."

Jax just laughed. He didn't really have an answer to all of that. Clay was his father and was his best chance for blood or tissue donation. Jax was still struggling with that fact. He hated Clay so much for so many things but he was his father.

Opie knocked on the door and then walked in, "Hey, Gemma. I'm sorry to interrupt. I need to see Jax for a minute."

Gemma smiled at him, "It is fine. It is god to see you, Ope."

"It's good to see you too, Gemma. You gave all of us a hell of a scare."

Jax asked, "What is it?"

She squeezed his hand and said, "Go on. You've got business to take care of and I will be here giving the nurses and doctors hell. The sooner I know you and the rest of my family is safe the better I will be. I love you, baby."

He thought about protesting but finally kissed her cheek and said, "I'll be back to see you later. I expect you to be awake and talking. I love you too, Mom."

She chuckled, "I guess I can do that for you. I'll see you when you come back. Kiss my babies for me. You two watch each others' back out there."

"We will," said Jax.

Opie nodded at Gemma, "I'll see you later on, too."

Jax and Opie left the room and walked down the hall to get a little privacy.

"What's going on?"

Opie said, "Romeo called. He wants to meet with us tonight. Bobby said that they agreed to a meet on the Wahewa's land. We don't know who is watching us. It would be good to go somewhere the feds won't be able to follow."

"What the hell could they want? Their next shipment isn't for another month. We're not muling anything until then. I can't see a reason why we would need to meet."

Opie said, "I don't know but it must be some heavy shit and they only want the president and the vice president at this meeting. How do you feel about going in alone?"

Jax shrugged, "If they were intending to kill us it wouldn't matter if we brought everyone we have. I don't know why they are calling for this meeting but I guess we will see when we get there. What time is it?"

"We're supposed to be there in an hour. That's the only reason I interrupted your time with Gemma. I know you didn't really want to leave her but we're under a time crunch."

He said, "Well, let's head over there now. Maybe we will have time for a beer with Chief Charlie Horse before Romeo and Luis arrive. I could use a drink right about now."

Opie snorted, "You and me both, brother."

Jax walked over to Quinn and said, "I'm on my way out. Call my cell if anything goes down here."

"Jax, I'm not going to let anything happen to your mother."

The two men hugged and Jax followed Opie out of the hospital.

They rode their motorcycles out to the reservation as the sun started to go down. Normally, Jax enjoyed a good night ride to clear his mind but tonight he was worried about his destination. They couldn't afford a second enemy. The Russians were a formidable opponent. There was no guarantee that they would survive a war with the Russians let alone an onslaught by the cartel.

More and more Jax wondered if running guns was really the direction for the club. Their lives and the lives of their families were constantly being threatened. The money was good but in Jax's opinion, it wasn't that damn good. He would rather be a minor player than having to worry about being gunned down in front of a hospital in broad daylight.

He was starting to think that focusing on Caracara and some other legal forms of earning would be the club's ticket to freedom. Jax just needed to figure out those other revenue streams and get them going. He couldn't ask his brothers to give up earning with guns and muling if he didn't have a lucrative substitute already in place. They all had families and responsibilities. In Bobby's case he had a couple of nutty ex-wives he owed alimony and child support. Precious had no problem having Bobby's ass thrown in jail for getting behind in his child support payments.

Jax came to a stop just outside of Chief Charlie Horse's trailer. He killed his bike's engine and took off his helmet. He frowned seeing Romeo's ubiquitous yellow Hummer parked in the clearing. It would appear that the cartel had beaten them to the meeting.

Opie climbed off his bike and stood next to Jax. He had an eerie feeling about this meeting and the cartel getting there 30 minutes early didn't make him feel any better.

He joked, "Ever feel like you were walking into a trap?"

Jax said, "Yeah…"

The door to the trailer opened and out walked Romeo and Luis.

The two men walked over and greeted Jax and Opie with handshakes.

"Thank you for coming out here to meet us on such short notice but this couldn't wait," Romeo explained.

Jax asked, "Is there something wrong?"

Romeo said, "First, we know that your intention was to kill Putlova and most of his organization. We were the ones that stopped that from happening."

Luis added, "Not because we are particularly fond of the fat prick but because it might have gotten you and your club killed or put in jail. Both of those scenarios are bad for us."

Jax gave Opie a sideways glance to see if he was confused, too. Nothing about this made any sense but he felt uneasy about the situation.

"How'd you manage to pull that off? You've got to have some pretty powerful people on the payroll to get that sort of law enforcement presence," Jax said, he was more than a little uncomfortable with where this might be headed.

"We're with the CIA."

Opie muttered, "Shit…"

"Seriously?" Jax asked.

"We're in deep cover with the Galindo Cartel. We've been running the organization for years and lately we've been losing ground to the Lobos Sonora cartel. That's why we need the upgrade in weapons. If we're overrun by the Lobos the operation falls flat on its face and I lose years of work."

Jax just shook his head and started to laugh. He couldn't believe that Clay got them in bed with federal agents. They had been committing serious crimes under the watchful eye of Big Brother.

He leaned against his bike and asked, "Does Clay know about this?"

Romeo said, "No, we kept him in the dark."

Opie asked, "And Alvarez?"

Romeo said, "No one knows except for the two of you and that is the way it has to stay. We still need guns and people to mule our drugs. That is the way we fund this operation. However, we are also doing a service for you. Assistant U.S. Attorney Lincoln Potter has been building a RICO case against your club with a task force. He is getting the majority of his information from Otto Delaney. We can kill the RICO case as long as you continue to help us and keep our identity a secret. If not we let them take down your whole club and find a new source."

Jax didn't like the idea of lying to the club but at the same time they would never survive a RICO case. All of them would be spend the rest of their lives in prison. Otto knew a lot of old shit and they had asked him to do some of their dirty work in prison as well.

Romeo said, "There is a bonus…you want the Russians dead and so do we. We don't like them eating into our gun supply. We'll help you kill them."

Jax asked, "All of them?"

Luis chuckled, "The ones in county jail are sitting ducks. We can have them all killed in a matter of days. We can also get intelligence on the ones that weren't rounded up in the sweep. Your club can take care of them as well."

Jax said, "We need a minute to talk about this."

Romeo nodded, "Take your time, Jax. We've got all night."

Opie followed Jax to a nearby tree and asked, "What the fuck is going on here?"

"We've been committing felonies for agents of a federal agency. There is a RICO case hanging over our heads. Otto is a fucking rat and we're fucked if we don't take this deal. Getting in bed with this cartel is the worst decision we ever made. I can't believe I backed Clay on this shit."

"I never understood why you did. You've never been into having anything to do with drugs."

Jax didn't have the heart to admit that he had been looking for a way out of Charming.

He said, "We all do surprising things for our families."

"I can't argue with that. We can't just not tell the rest of the club about this. We'd be no better than Clay keeping secrets and lying to our brothers."

Jax said, "Telling them the truth just lands all of us behind bars. How does that help our situation any? If the Russians are still alive at that point we'll be dead before we ever stand trial, Ope. I know this feels shitty but…we're out of options here. They are offering us a way out of shit creek. I think we have to grab the paddle in this situation."

Opie sighed and paced slightly. He said, "We kept the secret about Tig killing Donna because it was best for the club. We'll keep this secret, too."

Jax hugged Opie and said, "It is the only way, brother. I want something else though before we agree to their deal."

"We don't exactly have a lot of leverage in this situation, Jax."

He smiled, "It doesn't hurt to try. If they say no then they say no. Besides, if they had another supplier ready to go they wouldn't be trying to hold onto us. I want the option to get out of muling if we can find a viable alternative and I want to kill Putlova personally."

"Well, I like both of those…let's hope they do too."


	13. Chapter 13

Two days later Jax and Opie sat on the roof of the club sharing a joint. They had a long night ahead of them and both men were looking forward to spreading a little mayhem. They had debts that needed to be settled with the Russians. Romeo and Luis made good on their promise to take out the Russians behind bars. Fifteen men died behind those concrete walls. It was comforting but not satisfying. Jax wouldn't be satisfied until that fat fuck, Putlova was dead.

Opie took a long drag from the joint and passed it back to Jax. He slowly blew out the smoke and asked, "How do you want to break up the workload tonight? That is what we are supposed to be up here doing. Not getting high."

Jax took the joint back and took a drag, as he chuckled, "I didn't force you to smoke this joint with me. Hell, I didn't really want to share it with you. We're running low on the good stuff. Too many bikers and not enough weed is not a good idea. Let me see the map…"

This was a plan he had been mulling over since they received the information from Luis. He didn't want to take any unnecessary risks with his brothers' lives. Many of these men didn't have a dog in the fight. They were there because of their love and respect for the mother charter. The least he could do was not send them home in body bags or worse leave them in unmarked graves on the side of the road.

It was moments like these when he thought back to his father's manuscript. He could understand the agony the man faced on a daily basis. How could you survive in a life where you were always thinking about taking another man's life? Jax was hungry for blood and he knew killing was the only response for the action taken against his club and his family but in the quiet moments, he thought about the fifteen families that were one member short tonight. However, the difference between John and Jax was that the latter understood the decisions he was making and accepted them wholeheartedly. His guilt only took him so far.

So often Jax found himself wondering about the type of man he would become. Was he more like John Teller or Clay Morrow? Both men had startling character flaws. As he learned more of the truth, Jax was beginning to realize it might be better to be his own man. Modeling himself after past leaders doomed him to repeat their mistakes. Both of his father figures had made some egregious mistakes.

No matter what he had to stop idolizing John Teller and accept him for the flawed life he led. He thought about his youngest son and smiled. Tara and Jax named him Jonathan Thomas after the two people he loved deeply and lost much too early in his life. It wasn't meant to be some sort of shrine to John but more as a reminder for his sons. He never wanted them to lose the importance of John and Thomas. He wanted those names to linger long after he was gone.

Opie slid the map closer to Jax and handed him the list of locations Luis gave them. He said, "They figured you'd want us to take care of Putlova personally. Romeo and Luis are going to meet us on the reservation with Putlova."

Opie knew this wasn't just business for Jax. He wanted Putlova dead for personal reasons and he supported that. The man crossed every line and every gentleman's agreement that an outlaw had. They didn't go after families. That was the only thing that kept the outlaw life civil. Their life was composed of men and these wars were supposed to be fought by men. The fact that they went after Clay in his home signaled that Gemma was supposed to die that night as well. The fight earlier in the night was the only thing that saved her life. It made Opie think about his own family and Donna. How many times had he risked their lives for this club?

Jax took a list out of his pocket and laid it on top of the map. He said, "I think I have everyone in the right places. I want to go with the same plan. We need to hit these locations at exactly the same times or they will have time to warn and prepare. We could end up walking into an ambush. These hits need to go down quick and clean."

"I'll let everyone know about their targets. Then I am going to spend a little time with my kids. Ellie is having a lot of questions about what's going on. I don't know how much longer will be able to placate her. She's at that age where she can figure out that something is going on."

"At least they haven't seen their first dead body yet. Remember when we saw our first dead body?" asked Jax.

Opie started to laugh and said, "Shit…I haven't thought about that in years. I could do without my kids ever seeing that. I am sure it fucked both of us up in the end. Pretty sure the experience turned you into a little psychopath."

Jax stood up and stepped on the joint to extinguish the fire. He said, "I was already a psychopath at that age and so were you. The dead body just sort of sealed our fate. I just remember feeling like I was cemented to that spot in the garage."

"I couldn't stop staring. I was in some sort of fucking trance. I didn't even hear Pops yelling at us for walking into the garage. I remember your mom walking in there like she'd seen a million dead bodies and ushering us back into her office."

Jax said, "They should have known that something was wrong with us after that. There were no nightmares. We didn't start pissing the bed. I just remember asking my old man why that guy had to die. He said the promises he keeps and the people he loves measure a man's worth. When you break promises and hurt people a price must be paid. That is ironic coming from him now that I know about his second family in Ireland."

Opie asked, "Do you ever worry that your sons will re-live your life?"

"Every fucking day, Opie. That is why I considered leaving Abel with that family in Ireland. I never want my sons to have blood on their hands."

"I think it about it every day now that Kenny is getting older. He is so close to this life that it scares me. I'm going to look up one day and he'll want to prospect for this club."

Jax said, "I just hope that when that time comes it will be a different club. You and I are in positions of power now. We get to chart the course this club takes in the future. That's why I asked Romeo to let us out of muling if we could find a replacement. My long-term plan is to slowly extricate this club from all the shit trying to kill us and put us behind bars."

"What if Clay survives?"

"Even if Clay survives he'll never sit at the table again. His injuries are going to leave him handicapped. I'm not happy about it but it is the reality. Don't tell anyone. His doctors talked to Mom and me yesterday. He has a serious injury to his spinal cord."

Opie asked, "They're just finding that shit out?"

"No, they knew but because I'm not really his next of kin they didn't want to give me all of the information. On record, I am just his stepson. They were waiting for Mom to regain consciousness to discuss the details of his condition."

"Damn, I'm sorry, Jax."

He nodded, "Thanks, Opie. I should go inside to check on Tara and the boys. She's not having an easy time of being locked up here at the club."

"Lyla isn't enjoying her stay either. She wants to be able to work and that just isn't happening. I don't know how long this will work between us. I don't know if she really understood what she was getting into when she decided to be with me."

Jax clapped him on the back and said, "Tara knew exactly what she was getting herself into and she still gives me shit. We chose women who aren't meant for the outlaw life. They love us but they'd be happier if we were just mechanics and motorcycle enthusiasts."

The two men walked down the stairs and back into the clubhouse. It was an adjustment for the families but for the bikers this was their home. They crashed at the club when they were drunk or on the outs with their old ladies. Jax couldn't think of a place that he felt safer than the house his father built.

He walked through the main room to the smaller room at the front that was now being used as a daycare/nursery for the children. The toys the women bought now filled the space. The old ladies took shifts supervising the daycare room.

The older children were out in the main room where the new televisions and game consoles were setup. The bikers were getting as much enjoyment out of the video games as the children.

Tara walked up to Jax and slid an arm around his waist. "You and Opie were up on the roof for a long time. Is everything okay?"

He kissed the top of her head and said, "We just had a few details to work out. We're going to roll out of here after sundown. How are the kids?"

"Abel is enjoying himself with all of the little kids. JT is resting peacefully behind the bar with Mary. She's been keeping an eye on him while I've been busy being the Queen Bee."

"You're doing a great job, Tara. It seems like everyone is in a better mood since you made those changes. Like I told Bobby it was definitely worth the money. I know that no one wants to be here. I am glad I could provide some comforts of home to make things easier on everyone."

Tara said, "Well, it is good that I have Mary's help. She might not like the club but she knows almost everything about being an old lady. I guess her years with Piney weren't the complete waste she likes to describe. Are you going to see your mother today?"

He shook his head, "I don't have time. I wanted to spend some time with you and the kids before I have to leave tonight. I know I haven't had a lot of time for you guys lately."

"I don't like it but I understand, Jax. You're trying to keep us safe. I know that even if it scares the hell out of me. Well, come on in the nursery. I know Abel will be excited to see you. He adores you. He thinks you hung the moon just for him," said Tara, she linked arms with Jax and led him into the room.

When Jax walked into the room, Abel dropped his toys and grinned. He ran across the room and wrapped his arms around Jax's legs. "Daddy!"

Jax stooped down to scoop Abel up into his arms. He kissed the top of his head and said, "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Playing with friends!"

He chuckled, "You've made some new friends, huh? That's great. Let's go play with your friends. You coming, Tara?"

She smiled, "Sure…"

* * *

Jax climbed off his bike and waited on Opie to catch up. He decided to stop by the hospital to check on his parents after all. He was lucky they were still alive. Now wasn't the time to start shirking his responsibilities. That was almost Mary's words verbatim. She had successfully shamed him into being a good son.

He decided that there was still roughly 90 minutes before their plan needed to be kicked into gear. He could spare 45 of those minutes to visit with Gemma and inquire about Clay's condition.

Opie and Jax walked into the hospital to find that the building was operating on backup generator lighting. Hospital staff and security rushed around the hospital trying to calm patients and figure out the source of the power outage.

Jax said, "I don't like this."

Opie said, "I was just thinking the same thing. Let's get up to the ICU."

They entered the stairwell and jogged up the stairs to the ICU. As they entered the floor, low-level lights illuminated them. It was obvious the bulk of the power was being used for essential functions like machines.

Jax manually opened the sliding doors. As soon as he did, he realized something was very wrong. The nurses' station was empty and there was no one outside of Clay's door. He said, "Go find my mother. Go!"

Opie nodded and took off toward the stairs.

Jax took his gun from his waistband and slowly opened the door to Clay's room. He stopped in the doorway seeing a club member, Franz, dead on the floor. The man had three bullet wounds at center mass. There was no way he survived that. Jax moved over to the bed and put his gun away seeing that the room was empty. He stood there and looked at the bloody wounds in Clay's chest. He checked for a pulse but didn't need to, he already knew the answer.

"Son of a bitch!"

He walked out of the room and ran toward the stairwell. He didn't know what he might find in his mother's room. Jax took the stairs two at a time to make it to her floor. He burst through the doors and ran down the hallway toward her room.

Opie walked out of the room and said, "She ain't there, and neither is Quinn. Clay?"

Jax said, "He and Franz are dead. Three shots each."

Opie shook his head, "Fucking Russians! This is payback for the hits in lockup."

Jax said, "Call the clubhouse and tell them to put shooters on the roof and out on the street. No one gets in those gates. If they came here…they might go to the club, too."

Opie's face paled but he said, "I've got it."

Jax paced the floor unsure of what to do. Where in hell could his mother be? He took out his phone and called Quinn but the call went straight to voicemail. "Shit!"

There were people in scrubs hurrying around the floor at a quickened pace. He didn't know who to ask for help or if any of them would know anything about his mother.

He spotted a familiar nurse and said, "Hey, my mother is missing. I think someone might have harmed her. Her name is Gemma Morrow."

The woman appeared frazzled but she said, "I know your mother. I took her down to catheterization lab a few hours ago. Her doctor wanted some better images of her heart and the cath lab has the best equipment for imaging the heart. I'm sure she's still down there because she can't walk up the stairs."

Jax began to find hope that Gemma was still alive, "Where is the lab?"

She said, "It's on the 8th floor with the cardiac unit."

Jax turned to Opie and said, "She's on the 8th floor, Ope."

He went back into the darkened stairwell and jogged up to the 8th floor. He didn't know which way to go and had to take a moment to look at the direction board.

Opie was on his heels and said, "There are a lot more people milling around on this floor and the last. Why was the ICU all but deserted? I didn't see any nurses or doctors at all. Did you?"

Jax said, "No, I looked and I didn't find anybody but other patients. Why would all of the nurses leave the ICU unattended?"

Opie said, "Paid off… or ordered away by someone else. I don't know."

They walked down to the catheterization lab and saw Quinn waiting outside with Gemma in a wheelchair.

Jax ran to Gemma and took a knee in front of her wheelchair. "Are you alright?"

Gemma said, "I'm fine, Jackson. It is just a little power outage."

However, she started to get an eerie feeling because of the distraught look on his face.

"What's happened, Jax?" asked Gemma.

Jax said, "We've got to get you out of here. I know that you're still injured but it isn't safe here, Mom. I want to take you back to the club where it is safe."

Quinn stood up. "What's going on?"

Jax said, "This is a hit. Franz and Clay were killed in the ICU. The place was a fucking ghost town. It had to be a set up."

Quinn said, "I talked to him when the power went out. He called to see if everything was okay in Gemma's room. I told him we were down here sitting in the dark. We were fine. He said Clay's machines were still working and that everything was good. My phone died after that. We have been waiting down here to get in the cath lab for awhile so I didn't have a way to charge my phone. I didn't want to leave Gemma here alone. They weren't ready for her when the nurse brought her down here."

Jax said, "We need to call the police. If the Russians are still here civilians could be in danger."

"I'm on it," said Opie, he walked away to place the call.

Jax looked at Gemma, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

She said, "Don't be sorry. You didn't do this, Jax. Just make sure you kill these bastards."

"This is my fault, Mom. I…"

She said, "They nearly killed you in prison. How did they think this would end? You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I'm sorry about Clay."

She nodded, "I know, baby. I know."


	14. Chapter 14

Jax walked out of the dorm room at the club and was greeted by Tara's pensive figure leaning against the wall. He stopped walking and put a hand on her hip. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that question. How are you doing with all of this Jax?"

The truth was that he had not taken a moment to contemplate the ramifications of Clay's death on an emotional level. He was more concerned about what it meant for the business and for their safety. His relationship with Clay was too complicated for simple grief or hatred. It was an unsettling mix of both. He'd feel those emotions later. For now they would have to remain tucked safely away.

"I'm fine. I hate that it happened that way but it wasn't very likely that Clay was ever going to leave that hospital alive. I got to him too late that day. How is Gemma doing?"

"She's stable but I don't feel good about treating Gemma here, Jax. If anything goes wrong or if there is trouble with her heart, there is no guarantee that we'll get her to the hospital in enough time. Your mother could die. I don't want to be responsible for that."

"The hospital isn't safe. Clay and Franz were killed at St. Thomas. She could have been killed tonight. I can't put her at risk again. All we can do is the best we can but if some complication happened that wouldn't be your fault. I wouldn't blame you."

Tara said, "I'd blame me, Jax. She's your mother. She's our children's only grandmother. Hell she is their only grandparent now. When will this be over?"

Jax looked into Tara's eyes and then leaned his forehead against hers. "It won't be over to until Putlova is dead. That is the only way that this ends."

"What happens to all of us in the meantime, Jax? I understand that you want to take care of your club and your family. I understand that this man ordered the hit that nearly killed you in prison and that he is responsible for the death of Clay. I get why he has to die. I'm just asking what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal."

Jax stepped back and said, "I know that you are scared and that all of this seems insane. Maybe it is insane but there is no truce or compromise that works in this situation. This doesn't end until either Putlova or I am dead. We've both gone too far over the line, Tara. I'll get the revenge that is owed to me and my family and then it will be done."

She shook her head and then reached out to touch his chest. "What happens if all of that payback consumes you? All of this blood, Jax. This isn't you. This isn't the boy I fell in love with."

He said, "They say the times make the man but I've never believed that. Either you rise to the occasion or you perish. I am who I am. This is who I've always been. I just didn't have to be this person because Clay was president. There were votes but at the end of the day, he made the hard decisions and the consequences of those decisions fell solely on his shoulders. He is gone now and being ruthless is the only way to protect what is ours. I need to go. I don't know what time I will be back. Keep an eye on her for me and text me if there is any change."

Tara watched Jax walk away and felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She said, "I love you, Jax."

"I love you, too."

Piney nodded at Jax as he walked into the main room and asked, "How is Gemma?"

Jax walked up to the bar. "Tara said that she's stable for now but that could change. Listen, Opie and I have to leave now but if anything happens, I want you to get Gemma to the hospital as quick as you can. Have a car standing by just in case it is an emergency."

"I'll make sure Juice has one ready and waiting. We'll look after Gemma don't worry about her. You focus on what you're about to go do."

"Thanks, Piney."

Opie walked over to the bar and clapped Jax on the back. "I just got off the phone with Luis. He said that we're still a go for tonight. He and Romeo are already on the reservation. They are just waiting for us. Are you ready to go?"

Jax nodded and said, "Let's get out of here. Get Chibs. He's going with us."

Opie whistled to get Chibs attention. The older man looked across the room and nodded before handing Juice his pool cue. "Finish my game for me, Juicy."

Jax zipped up his dark sweatshirt and put up his hood. He looked at Happy and said, "Lock this place down while we're gone. No one gets through those gates in one piece. Call my cell if anything happens here."

Happy nodded. "I've got it covered, brother."

The trio exited the club and climbed into a dark colored panel van. It was better to be inconspicuous in these uncertain times. The Sons had put a dent in Putlova's organization with the cartel's help but there were no guarantees that they were safe. They wouldn't know that for days or possibly weeks. They would have to wait and be vigilant after the news of Putlova's death surfaced.

Jax knew that there could be blowback but that was a risk he was willing to take. This wasn't just about revenge but about protecting the club for the future. He couldn't be seen as a weak leader. If he showed weakness now he would be seen as a pushover to the other organizations.

He was young and people often mistook youth for inexperience. It was also no secret that he was slower to use violence as a solution than Clay. Jax was a thinker. He liked to ruminate on things before he did them. He always wondered about the consequences and if there was a way to do things less bloody. In some circles, those were admirable traits but in his world, they could be seen as easily exploited faults.

He didn't have the luxury of being strictly a thinker anymore. His actions could have long lasting consequences for his club and his family. Killing Putlova made a statement to their allies and their foes. They needed to know that Jax was capable of great violence and would wield his power as forcefully as Clay. He would be seen as a closed fist as opposed to an open hand.

He looked out of the window as Chibs drove through the quiet streets of Charming. It was too late for most of the residents to be out and about. However, he did see the flashing lights of the Sheriff's Department's cars in the parking lot as they flew by St. Thomas. He was certain Sheriff Roosevelt was still there investigating Clay's murder. He had briefly questioned Jax but realized he wasn't going to get any information from him.

The drive out to the Waweha reservation was relatively quiet. No one had anything to say. Clay and Franz's deaths hung heavily around them. Losing a brother was always difficult and it reminded them of the sacrifices they all made for this life.

Chibs turned off the van as he pulled up next to Romeo's hummer. He looked over at Jax and asked, "Are you ready, Jackie Boy?"

Jax said, "Yeah, let's get this over with. I want to get back to my family."

Chibs nodded and climbed out of the van. He walked up to the trailer and knocked.

Luis moved the fabric that covered the diamond shaped window in the door so that he could see out. He smirked and opened the door. "I am glad that you guys were able to make it after all. Romeo and I were beginning to think we would have to execute this pig ourselves."

Jax shook Luis' hand and said, "I'm sorry. I had to get my mother settled. I couldn't risk leaving her in the hospital after what happened to Clay."

Romeo was seated on the couch but stood up as Jax entered to the trailer. He extended his hand to the younger man. "I'm sorry to hear about Clay but I am glad to hear that your mother is alright. I didn't anticipate that Putlova would send someone after Clay with him in a coma. Seems like overkill. Until this is over, I can have a few guys look out for you club. Just as insurance."

He had come too far to have his weapons' pipeline cut off by Jax getting murdered. He had no doubt that with his help SAMCRO could wipe out the Russians' presence in NorCal.

"Thank you, Romeo."

Luis said, "I'll go get our friend."

Romeo poured a couple of shots of tequila and asked, "Drink?"

Jax shrugged. "Sure." He took off his sweatshirt and dropped it on the couch.

Romeo lined up the glasses and poured tequila shots for all of them. He picked up his glass and tipped it in Jax's direction. "Salud."

Jax raised his glass and said, "Salud." He drank the shot of tequila in one gulp as Luis brought Putlova into the living room.

The man was shackled and gagged. Moreover, it was obvious that he'd suffered a vicious beating earlier in the evening. His face was bruised and battered. There were traces of dried blood on his clothing and his skin.

Opie set his shot glass down and said, "We should probably take this outside."

Jax clapped Opie on the back. "You are reading my mind, brother."

Opie looked at Luis. "May I?"

The older man smirked. "Be my guest. He's your quarry."

The bearded biker took Putlova by his shackled arms and pulled him out of the trailer. Opie shoved the man to the ground and kicked him until he turned over.

Jax walked out of the trailer with Chibs, Romeo, and Luis following him.

Luis took out a gun and said, "This is clean. Shoot him and we'll get rid of it. No traces. He'll be like a ghost."

Jax smiled and said, "No thank you. I had something a little more personal in mind for Putlova."

Romeo quirked an eyebrow wondering what Jax was talking about. He watched as the blond biker walked over to Putlova's prone body with his trademark swagger.

Jax grabbed Putlova's hair and growled, "Get on your knees you fat piece of shit."

The man struggled to comply with Jax's command. The fight was already gone from him. Luis and Romeo had made very sure of that earlier in the evening. At this point, he welcomed death.

Jax took the gag out of his mouth and said, "We could have done business together but you were greedy. You came after my club. You nearly killed my mother. You've earned this death."

"You mother was never a target, Jax. She got in the way at the hospital that day."

"What about at the house? You went after Clay when my mother could have been home!"

Putlova said, "But she wasn't home and I knew that. I had guys watching their house. That night when she left with you, it was the perfect opportunity to hit Clay. I figured I could move in before the club even knew what hit it. I didn't anticipate you going back to the house the next morning and finding him so soon. It was never personal, Jax. I like you. I have always liked you, kid. It was just business. It was just moving chess pieces to get an advantage."

Jax's jaw tightened after hearing Putlova's pathetic explanation. Was that supposed to be comforting?

The words sounded hollow to Jax's ears and Putlova knew it but he meant them. It was never personal. He realized that the club was trying to edge his organization out of their business and he was only trying to pull the reigns. Clay was a calculated loss. He assumed with the leader of the club felled that Jax would be more pliable to his demands. What he didn't see was that the young prince had benefactors with resources and reach. Jax could have never pulled off an operation of this size without assistance from the cartel. Hindsight was 20/20. SAMCRO would not have been brave enough to try to edge him out of their business if they didn't have backing from someone that could provide them with cover.

Opie saw that Jax was hesitating and walked over to him. He whispered. "Are you okay to do this? You don't have to."

Romeo said, "You don't have to get bloody, Jax. Luis can take care of this. He's been itching to do it all night."

Jax said, "I got this."

He unsheathed his Ka-Bar and held it to Putlova's throat.

Chibs' eyes widened and he asked, "Jax? What are you doing?"

He said, "Don't worry about it. It's just business."

Jax pressed the knife harder against the soft flesh of Putlova's neck and then slowly slit the man's throat with an incredibly steady hand.

Putlova struggled and made a strangled gurgling noise as Jax's knife severed his windpipe. Blood began spurting out like a geyser as the knife sliced into the artery.

Romeo watched the scene curiously like some sort of strange performance art piece. Jax was making a deliberate choice. That knife was well maintained and incredibly sharp. Jax could have killed Putlova quickly and relatively painlessly. However, the young man was opting for a slower, more painful, more tortuous approach. It was only a difference of a few seconds, but a few seconds was a long time when you where choking on your own blood.

Chibs watched in disbelief but tried to keep his expressions in check. He didn't like the look he saw on Jax's face or rather the lack of what he saw there. There was complete emotional detachment from what he was doing. There was no anger or rage. His eyes were hollow or devoid of expression. There was just quiet determination. The eeriness of Jax's calm was freaking him out.

When the task was done, Jax released Putlova's hair allowing the dead man's body to crumple onto the dusty ground beneath him. The area was stained with thousands of tiny drops of Putlova's blood.

He took a rag out of his pocket and calmly wiped the blood off his knife. "Chibs get a bottle of water and the duffel bag out of the van. I've got to get the blood off this knife before it starts to dry."

Chibs nodded and walked out to the van to retrieve the supplies Jax would need to properly clean his knife.

Jax looked up from his knife and flashed a jovial smile at Romeo and Luis. "I can't thank the two of you enough for helping us sort this out. I hope now things will settle down and we can get to the business of making money. I talked to our connection and your next shipment is on schedule for next week. I also talked to them about your growing artillery needs and they are willing to send some samples along with this shipment so you can see what they can provide for a price. I can tell you from experience that you won't be disappointed."

Romeo walked over and shook Jax's hand. "Well, I look forward to seeing what they can provide. We'd like to continue doing business with the Sons for a very long time."

"The feeling is mutual, Romeo."

"Luis, you can load up Putlova's body. We'll take care of him."

Jax smiled. "I appreciate the offer but uh that's why we brought the van. We'll dispose of Putlova ourselves."

Chibs paused as he approached with the bottled water and duffel bag. He didn't know that disposing of Putlova was part of the plan but from the look on Opie's face this wasn't Jax calling an audible. Obviously, the childhood friends had come up with a plan he was not privy to when they set out. He handed Jax the bottle of water.

Jax said, "Thank you, Chibs."

Opie grabbed the bag and said, "Thanks."

He took out an oversized blue roof tarp and spread it out on the ground next to Putlova. Then Opie grabbed a box of rubber gloves from the bag and put on a pair.

Chibs put on a pair of gloves and said, "Let me give you a hand."

The two men rolled Putlova onto the tarp.

Jax said, "That's good enough. We are just going to dump him anyway. We should get out of here it is late. Thanks again, Romeo. Luis. We'll be in touch soon to set up the day and time for you to pick up the next shipment."

Romeo said, "Good deal. If you need anything don't hesitate to call."

"I won't."

Opie looked at Chibs. "Will you help me get him into the van?"

Chibs picked up his end of the tarp and helped Opie carry Putlova to the van. He was glad that he'd left the door open because Putlova was heavy and he had no interest in putting him down only to pick him back up again. They hoisted his dead body into the back of the van.

Jax walked over to the van and said, "I'll get in the back. Opie you can ride in the front this time around."

Opie laughed, "Good. I get an actual seat."

Jax chuckled and climbed into the back of the van and had a seat beside Putlova's dead body.

Chibs closed the doors. He felt unsettled by Jax's affable mood. He climbed into the front of the van with Opie and looked back at their new leader. "Where are we going?"

Jax said, "We're going to go visit Charming Heights."

The older man nodded and turned around to start the van.


	15. Chapter 15

Three days later Jax sat at the head of the redwood table with the Charming Gazette and a glass of whiskey in front of him. The construction crew discovered Putlova's body two days ago, but the police didn't release his identity until last night.

Sheriff Roosevelt and his deputies showed up on the club's doorstep that morning and hauled Jax down to the police department for questioning. However, Jax refused to answer any questions. It took some red-faced screaming by Rosen but Roosevelt eventually relented and released Jax.

Eli didn't have proof but he knew that the Russians were responsible for Clay's death. It only made sense that Jax would seek retribution against the organization's leader. However, gut instincts didn't make a case. He only hoped that bodies would stop dropping in his jurisdiction now. The district attorney and his annoying federal compatriot were breathing down his neck looking for an arrest.

Jax took a sip from his glass of whiskey and closed his eyes. Thus far, there had been no threats against the club. The Russian's Northern California operations were decimated because of the deaths and incarcerations of their members. However, Jax was still vigilant. He didn't want any more of his people being injured or killed on his watch. He was club president now and these people were his responsibility. Every death was now on his head and would remain like an invisible tattoo.

Tara knocked on the door and then walked into the room. She was concerned about Jax. He'd kept to himself since the night Clay and Franz were murdered at St. Thomas. She wanted to reach out to him but didn't really know how. For the last couple of days Tara overheard murmurs of Jax's behavior when he left the club that fateful night. She heard Chibs describe it to Piney as a man possessed.

More than anything she feared the type of man Jax would become now that he sat in the president's chair. She didn't want to lose the man she loved to the darkness. Gemma gave her the best advice possible. She advised Tara to always serve as Jax's true north. When he strayed, it was her job to pull him back from the abyss. No one else would be able to reach him the way that she could. In addition, no matter how dark things got she had to stick with the full disclosure. The moment Jax started to shut her out would be the moment she would lose him.

Tara walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be time to leave soon. The funeral procession is already starting to line up to follow the hearse to the cemetery. How are you doing?"

Jax leaned back in the chair and relaxed feeling Tara's soothing touch. "I'm fine. How is everything out there? Is the procession line up going okay?"

"It is a full house. There are even more bikers here than when Half-Sack died. There will be quite a showing for Clay's funeral. The ladies are keeping everyone well fed and mostly sober until the funeral starts."

He nodded. "Well, Clay was the mother charter's president and a member of the First Nine. There is going to be a lot of respect for him. There are representatives from each chapter on the West Coast. I am glad the guys are staying sober. Roosevelt is going to have a big law enforcement presence at the cemetery. I don't want anyone getting picked up for a DUI. Do we have enough beer and liquor for the festivities tonight? Everyone is going to get hammered."

Tara said, "It has all been taken care of, Jax. I talked to Mary and Gemma about how much stock we needed delivered. It all arrived this morning. We'll have more than enough for everyone to drown their sorrows. Some of the old ladies from out of town are staying behind here at the club to make sure the food is laid out when we get back. Unser and Neeta are staying behind to man the barbeque grill. Lowell and Moby are going to ride in the car with Gemma, the boys, and me."

Jax reached up and squeezed Tara's hand. "Thank you for doing all of this, Tara. It means a lot to me. I know this isn't normally in your wheelhouse."

She kissed his hand and said, "I would do anything for, Jax. I love you. I have always loved you and I always will."

She only hoped that conveyed her dedication to Jax. She had her doubts about the club and about the lifestyle but she never had doubts about Jax. He was her beginning and her end and nothing could have changed that for her.

Jax said, "I love you too. How is my mother? Will she be able to make it to the funeral?"

"Gemma wouldn't miss Clay's funeral if she was attached to an iron lung. She's dressed and ready to go. She'll have to take it slow but I think she'll be alright. She's been drinking a little more than I'd like but you know as well as I that there is no stopping Gemma when she's determined to do something. Self-destructive or not."

He chuckled. "Well, you know my mother. Telling her no is like telling her yes. I don't know how Clay put up with her for so long."

Tara said, "I suppose they were a matched pair. Both of them were stubborn and eccentric in their own ways. You don't have to be identical halves but the pieces have to fit together. Sort of like a jigsaw puzzle."

Jax pulled Tara around to the front of the chair and steered her onto his lap. He asked, "Are we a matched pair? The doctor and the biker?"

She rested her head on his shoulder and said, "That's not who we are. Biker and doctor are just the roles that we play. As long as we're always Jax and Tara then we'll be okay. We just can't forget each other's needs. I look at Mary and Piney and I see love. They love one another but they'll never be able to make it work. They want different things and there is no compromise in them. It feels like such a waste to love a man for decades but be unable to be with him because of bullshit. I never want that to be us."

He caressed her arm and said, "It won't be, Tara. All I have ever wanted was my family and my club. I have that now and I am not going to do anything to fuck it up. We can look at what they did wrong and be better. Learn from their mistakes. I've never known how to let you go and I won't start now. When you left- it was a physical pain. It left a hole in me. I drank, smoked weed, and screwed any woman that looked my way because I was trying to fill the gaping hole inside of me. Nothing satisfied me. Nothing made me whole because I needed you. Things are changing in our lives now. I won't lie and say that things will stay the same. They can't. The nature of my job has changed. The trajectory of this club has changed, but the thing that won't change is my inability to live without you."

Tara kissed him passionately. "You are so amazing. I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you this…and now feels like as good a time as any."

Concerned filled Jax. He asked, "Is something wrong?"

"No. I have been feeling somewhat sick lately. I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive. It was a test from the drug store but they don't tend to give false positives."

Jax's concern was replaced by happiness. "Are you serious?"

Tara nodded and chuckled. "We have been a little overzealous since you were released."

He kissed her and asked, "Can you blame me? Being away from you for that long was torture, Tara. We're having another baby? I wonder if we'll have a girl this time around."

"A baby girl in a world of bikers? I don't think SAMCRO is ready yet. I'm so glad that you are as excited as I am."

Opie walked into the chapel. "Jax, it's time to go. The hearse just pulled up outside."

Jax took a breath and said, "Alright."

Tara stood up and picked up Jax's cut from the table. She walked behind him and slipped it on over his shoulders. "Ready to go?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Tara took Jax's hand and walked with him out of the chapel. The main room was mostly empty now. Everyone else had already moved out for the procession.

Lyla walked over carrying Thomas in her arms and holding Abel's hand.

Tara took Thomas from her. "Thank you."

Jax picked up Abel and hugged his son.

Lyla said, "Gemma is already out in the car with Lowell and Moby."

Jax and Tara walked out of the club. The lot was now empty with the exception of Unser's truck, Tara's minivan, Lyla's minivan, Jax's motorcycle, and Opie's motorcycle.

He helped Tara get Abel and Thomas into their car seats. After closing the door, he kissed her. "I'll see there."

Tara smiled at him and climbed into the minivan. She started the car and drove off the lot taking her place behind the hearse.

Lyla's car followed her off the lot.

Opie put on his sunglasses and looked at Jax. "Let's do this, brother."

Jax nodded and climbed on his motorcycle. He looked back at the clubhouse one more time before driving off the lot to take his place in the procession.

Once everyone was in place, the massive procession made the short trip to the cemetery. The roar of the motorcycles made the glass windows vibrate as they passed through town.

As they arrived at the cemetery, Jax could see the strong police presence he expected. Officers were surrounding the perimeter of the cemetery. He was certain it was equal parts protection and surveillance.

The massive showing of support by the Sons of Anarchy was the beautiful part of it all. Brothers from all along the West Coast and some from greater distances were here to pay their final respects to Clay, his father. Jax still struggled with that revelation. He had his regrets about his relationship with Clay and in his quiet moments, he found himself wishing for a few minutes to talk to the man as his father instead of his enemy.

Jax walked over to Tara's minivan and helped Gemma out of the car. He smiled. "You look smoking hot, Mom."

Gemma was wearing a low-cut, fitted, lace dress. She smirked, "Clay always liked this dress. He always thought my cleavage was my best asset."

He smirked a little and said, "We're going to be okay. You know that right?"

"I could never doubt you. You're my son and you are going to be the best president SAMCRO has ever seen. I mean that."

Jax said, "You have to say that. You're my mother."

Gemma said, "If I thought you were a shit leader I'd tell you. I don't pull punches. Even for my baby boy."

He shook his head and helped her to her seat.

Tara and the kids filled in beside Jax and Gemma. Opie and his family also took front row seats. Everyone else filled in behind them.

Representatives from each of the first six chapters of the Sons of Anarchy served as pallbearers and carried Clay's black lacquer casket to the gravesite. The intricate Sons of Anarchy emblem was on top of the casket.

Jax stared straight ahead, as the funeral began and eventually he zoned out completely. He couldn't handle saying goodbye. Surprisingly, being a killer didn't prepare him for dealing with death. His relationship with Clay was too complicated to boil down to one moment.

Clay was responsible for the death of Opie's wife and that was a sin that couldn't altogether be forgiven. On other hand when Abel was kidnapped Clay moved heaven and Earth to help him get his son back.

Jax could only hope that he would turn out to be a better leader, husband, and father than Clay or JT.

Mentally he checked out of the funeral. He heard people saying kind words about Clay but it all sort of turned into a quiet hum in the back of his head.

Jax didn't realize the funeral was over until Gemma touched his hand to get his attention.

He snapped to attention. "Yeah?"

Gemma said, "They're about to lower Clay into the ground. Everyone else is starting to leave but I'd like to stay for a minute."

Jax nodded. "Sure. Take your time."

He helped Gemma over to the casket and then took a step back letting her have a private moment.

A few minutes later Gemma turned around and said, "You should say goodbye Jax. I know things were complicated but Clay loved you. He loved you so much. I remember him saying once that he wish he knew how to make you love him. I think you did. You can love the man and hate his actions."

Jax helped Gemma sit down and then walked over to the casket. He touched the cool surface and said, "I don't know what I am supposed to say. I spent half of my life struggling against you first as my stepfather and then as my president. I tried to understand you but sometimes you were so far out of left field. I understand now that sometimes you had to do reprehensible things to survive. If I take anything from you, it will be that. No matter how bleak things looked, you made sure this club survived. I will continue to do that. Rest well."

He looked to Chibs. "Can you get my mom back to the car for me?"

"Sure. I've got it under control, Jackie Boy."

Jax looked at Opie and said, "Come with me…"

Opie and Jax walked the familiar path to JT's grave.

Opie said, "This place is getting full."

"I don't want to add another unnecessary body to it."

"That's the outlaw life. It comes with the territory." It didn't escape his thoughts that his wife was buried only a few rows away. That pain had never gone away from Opie. He missed Donna every day.

Jax sighed. "It doesn't have to. Jury runs girls and a sportsbook. He only patched SAMCRO because Clay forced it on him."

"The Mayans were going to overrun him because he wasn't outlaw. They were going to force him out of make him pay protection money."

"He didn't have the rep of being an outlaw or the muscle to back it up. We do. We have connections with the other groups to broker peace. I am not saying we start a fucking commune and trade hippie beads but I think we could get CaraCara going again. Maybe run a high-end escort service through some of our talent. Juice was talking about getting servers to put the content online back when Luanne was running the show. There are ways to earn that don't get us murdered in a fucking ICU, Ope."

Opie said, "Pussy is always popular. We are going to need a lot of starting capital."

Jax nodded. "I know. We'll keep working with the cartel for 6 months or a year at the most. The entire time we look for a way to get them what they need without our involvement. I want an exit strategy for the entire club not just me. I need to know my vice president is on board."

"Yeah. We have all done enough time and we have more important things to live for. We are going to have to brainstorm some other legitimate ways to earn. Juice's interest in the pot shop makes sense for the club."

Jax grinned. "As long as I've got you on my side brother we'll figure it out. We have to."

He looked off in the distance as Kenny chased Abel around the graveyard.

Jax said, "I don't want our sons to inherit blood."

_**The End**_


End file.
